An Almost-Relationship Turned "Friendship". Desperately Seeking Guidance

[LoveIsStillThere]

Abstract

I was in an "almost relationship" with someone with BPD. She is now in a relationship and we are "friends." Whenever I try to leave, amicably, she knows exactly what to say/do to keep me around. What should I do?

Details

We have known each other for over a decade, but we split ways in college. We got in touch again (my doing) roughly a year ago. We know each other well, and get along really well, generally.

The abuse is ramping up though. The silent-treatments. The manipulation.

She seems to have this power over me that no one else has. And she knows that she shouldn’t be talking to me (we have always been very sexual with each other). Perhaps she wants to have her cake and eat it too (since I am the sweet one). But it is almost as if I am a “possession” for her, a fantasy, a fun and at times useful “secret”—my intuition tells me that she doesn’t want me but she wants to know she has me. She is extremely jealous and her eyes turn black whenever I pay attention to another woman.

I am dating other women. But there is something about this one in particular that has me trapped.

The only reason that I am hung up here is that I actually care for this person. So I am trying to find the “middle-ground,” as it were, between being used, manipulated, and abused, on the one hand, and going completely NC, on the other.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi LoveIsStillThere, and

it sounds like this has been an on again, off again, not quite official "relationship", but with a lot of pain and conflict, and real feelings there. do i have that about right?

Whenever I try to leave, amicably, she knows exactly what to say/do to keep me around. What should I do?

lets start here.

whenever you try to leave, what do you say do? what does she say/do?