Need clarity and support. I want to call all day long

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Fairly certain ex bf has bpd.  He’s left me, discarded, thrown in the trash, so many times.  This is 5 years of a LDR .  First relationship out of the gate from 20 year dead marriage.  So I was such a sucker for the love bombing, attn, physicality.  But then it slowly turned into fights, criticisms, borrowing money, cruelty, soo much projection. You know the drill.  I just didn’t understand any of it. I naively started over producing over compensating for his lack of intimate participation. 
This final discard and him blocking me came out of no where.  No where.  We were happy and I was going to visit...weird accusations that I broke into his bank or a bizarre trigger that I went thru his phone two years ago. And he has blocked me out of nowhere. 
Long story. I’m sorry.  But I find myself calling everyday. Just to see if he will pick up. I can’t accept that I won’t get closure.  I need him to say calmly it’s over. I feel so in love but so deeply rejected. I know how I sound. I need someone to explain it to me.  I need someone to tell me not to call. I can’t talk to my best friend because I’m too ashamed to tell my best friends I got back with him for the last six months.

[Mightymama]

Fairly certain ex bf has bpd.  He’s left me, discarded, thrown in the trash, so many times.  This is 5 years of a LDR .  First relationship out of the gate from 20 year dead marriage.  So I was such a sucker for the love bombing, attn, physicality.  But then it slowly turned into fights, criticisms, borrowing money, cruelty, soo much projection. You know the drill.  I just didn’t understand any of it. I naively started over producing over compensating for his lack of intimate participation. 
This final discard and him blocking me came out of no where.  No where.  We were happy and I was going to visit...weird accusations that I broke into his bank or a bizarre trigger that I went thru his phone two years ago. And he has blocked me out of nowhere. 
Long story. I’m sorry.  But I find myself calling everyday. Just to see if he will pick up. I can’t accept that I won’t get closure.  I need him to say calmly it’s over. I feel so in love but so deeply rejected. I know how I sound. I need someone to explain it to me.  I need someone to tell me not to call. I can’t talk to my best friend because I’m too ashamed to tell my best friends I got back with him for the last six months.

[anonymous_tico]

This final discard and him blocking me came out of no where.  No where.  We were happy and I was going to visit...weird accusations that I broke into his bank or a bizarre trigger that I went thru his phone two years ago. And he has blocked me out of nowhere. 

Mightymama, lack of closure is a very common theme in BPD relationships. I'm dealing with a fairly similar situation. After a 4 year relationship, my ex blocked up after a fight. She was going to visit the next  day. A month later, she's staying over someone else's house (I found out by stalking her through social media).

Try to keep yourself busy. Stop texting. BPD exes use you and once they're done using you (usually because there is someone else in the mix), they will discard you. Try to find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

[Mutt]

Hi Mightymama,



I want to join anonymous_tico and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time and that your circumstances led you here but I’m glad that you decided to join us

Long story. I’m sorry.  But I find myself calling everyday. Just to see if he will pick up. I can’t accept that I won’t get closure.

I want to just add to what anonymous_tico said about rigid patterns with a pwBPD in that they are emotionally stunted at the young age of a child and react impulsively and you will find that they follow a particular pattern. That being said.

He’s left me, discarded, thrown in the trash, so many times.  This is 5 years of a LDR .

I know that it’s easier said than done right now and that maybe it won’t bring complete consolation but it should help. Judging from your past together there’s a cycle there and eventually he comes back.

How long does this usually take?

[once removed]

one of the hardest lessons ive learned in my life is that the more you chase someone, the more it pushes them away.

if you want to hear from him, its not in your best interest to continue to pursue. give some space, as hard as it may be.

I can’t talk to my best friend because I’m too ashamed to tell my best friends I got back with him for the last six months.

tell us more about this.

did you and your ex break up before? what happened with your best friend?

[Mightymama]

He’s broken up and ghosted me many times in five years
I’ve never caught him cheating except he wasn’t single when we started and didn’t tell me. 
I’m not even sure I want HIM back.  This isn’t ego driven for me. I seem to be caught in a weird addictive loop of engaging. It gives me comfort. I know that sounds awful. But objectively rationally, I know he drives me crazy.
I have to lie to my friends, kids, parents because they all want me to leave him.

[anonymous_tico]

I have to lie to my friends, kids, parents because they all want me to leave him.

Having the support of your family and friends is a good thing. In my case (and many others), my family thought my ex was a sweet little girl and that I must've done something horrible for her to leave. Well, guess who's affairs are currently threatening to beat me up?

[once removed]

I seem to be caught in a weird addictive loop of engaging. It gives me comfort. I know that sounds awful. But objectively rationally, I know he drives me crazy.
I have to lie to my friends, kids, parents because they all want me to leave him.

work with us to get to steady ground.

whats happened in the past few days, or week?