My mother makes me angry

[Komunana]

I have always described my mother as unstable, often violent, and cruel. When researching for help online, I used to look for "mothers who hate their children" and thought she had some sort of resentment that I did not understand. I normally describe her to my friends/boyfriends as a fun mom who did not actually want to have children and who has anger problems. All of my life, I have tried to have empathy for her, to be patient and I have even thought it was my responsibility to make her feel happy. However, I did not understand what the real problem was... until now.

It was only very recently that my sister pointed out that she may have BPD. I finally feel somehow validated and understood. I am now at my parent's house for quarantine and many thoughts regarding my mother have intensified since I am spending so much time with her.

My mother is abusive and very mean half of the time; the other half she acts like my best friend in the world. As a result, I hate her and never want to talk to her again while at the same time I feel guilty for these feelings: I find it extremely difficult to control and understand the anger towards her and myself. I have not decided yet if I want to cut ties to her completely. Do you have any tips?

[Harri]

Hi and

I am glad you found us and decided to post.  You definitely are not alone and are in a place where other people understand and can relate to the anger and how you feel the need to take care of your mom.

We have tools here that can help you while you decide on what sort of relationship you want with her and how you can manage and heal.  As you share more, we can be more specific.  Know that, with time and some work on your part, things can et better for you.  We have lots of people working on the same thing, some just starting the process and others further along.  But we all help each other.

If you want a good place to start in terms of reading, take a look at the topics tacked to the top of the board.  We have a survivor's guide that is quite helpful as well as many articles in addition to all of the posts, so just dive in and read when you are ready.

Again, welcome.