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Author Topic: Mother with BPD  (Read 67 times)
lausannezahle
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
What is your relationship status with them: Mother
Posts: 1


« on: May 22, 2020, 08:15:38 PM »

I'm not sure where to begin, or even what I'm wanting to get out of this...  Maybe to feel heard or understood?
I've lived my entire live tiptoeing around my mother, and I am fairly certain she has BPD.  Today brought back painful memories I've tried to move past and forget...  You never know what the trigger will be, and today it was over tomorrows dinner... One thing led to another and by the end there were outbursts of anger, screaming, slamming, emotional abuse, and repeated exclamation that I am the problem. I've ruined our family, her relationship with my father, that I am a horrible student, employee, daughter, and friend. I'm a university student, and due to the virus I am back at my parents house- I thought I could avoid another traumatic experience during my short couple of weeks home, yet here I am again deeply hurt and unknown as to what to do with all of these feelings.
I don't know how to have a relationship or communicate with her.  I am sometimes scared that I have a distorted view of my own thoughts/emotions due to her distorted view.  I'm twenty, and now more than ever I hope to have a mother who can listen and help me navigate all of this new, however I know this isn't my reality.
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Choosinghope

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
What is your relationship status with them: Limited contact
Posts: 49


« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2020, 09:40:27 PM »

Hi Lausannezahle!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Welcome to this forum. This is most certainly a place that you can be heard and understood. I'm so glad that you've found us. There are many other members on here who are much wiser and have much more experience, so I'll leave some of the more specific strategies for others to explain. There were a couple things that I wanted to tell you though, just as an encouragement, if nothing else.

First, you are not the problem. Write that down every morning and every night if you need to remind yourself of that. You have not done any of these things. There is absolutely no way that you could even have done those things. She is projecting, and I would really encourage you to hear the words and then reject the words.

Second, 20 is both a fantastic age and a scary age. I completely understanding wanting/needing a mother to help you figure out adult life. I think everyone does. In the last town that I lived in, there was an older couple (retired, mid 60s) who basically adopted me. I spent a lot of time at their home, and I learned to trust them a lot. After everything fell apart with my mom, I realized that I still have people that I can reach out to, "parents" of a sort. What I'm getting at is that as you get older, your "mom" figure may not be your biological mom, but I'm sure that there will be beautiful people in your life who will help to fill that void and give you the help that you need.

Third, I feel the same fear that I am actually the crazy one and that my thoughts and emotions are distorted. I just posted about this today, actually. I don't have much great advice in this area. What I can tell you is that finding a good counselor was one of the best things that I ever did. After reading some texts and letters from my mom aloud, I almost cried when my counselor said, "Wow, she really is irrational." I finally had someone that I could trust to be unbiased and unprofessional hear words and affirm to me that I wasn't the one who wasn't making sense. So, if it is at all a possibility, maybe try visiting your mental health center at your university (next fall, at this point) and see if you are able to take advantage of the resources available to you.

I know it feels like you are completely trapped, but I promise you that you are not. You are strong, and you will only grow stronger the more that you learn and heal.  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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