When to make a motion to modify child support order

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi everyone,

I have sole physical custody of my D6 and my exH has visitation every other weekend and has been paying child support since Feb 2019.  Since he works for a public university, I can google his salary and I can see he's gotten some pay bumps over the last couple of years.  They show as 2017-2018, 2018-2019 etc, so I am not entirely sure when each bump was received and what his exact salary was when they calculated the amount for the child support order(divorce proceedings were in late 2018 and was final in early 2019). But just going by the info online, he had a $1269/year increase from 2017/2018 to 2018/2019, and a $1331/year increase from 2018/2019 to 2019/2020.

I don't want to be petty and demand a modification every time he gets a bump, especially if that's only going to change the support amount a very insignificant amount.  Since I do suspect that he is BPD and was a pretty absent/neglectful father when we were married, I'm pretty amazed that he has stepped up and been a better father than I ever expected and he does pay his share of things like medical bills and swim lessons without too much nagging and he buys her shoes and clothes and stuff when needed.  So I don't want to rock the boat and be petty for a couple of bucks and threaten our decent co-parenting relationship right now.

But, part of why he is so good about paying is because he has been living with his parents since we split and has virtually no bills outside of his truck payment/maintenance costs and personal spending and makes a very good salary for a single man.  I am not entirely sure he will be so willing to pay for things if/once he ever lives on his own again and has cost of living expenses.  I think his willingness to pay also comes from a place of wanting to buy her love.  While I can count on him to take her on his weekends, he does not ask for more time and if I ask him to take her more he usually chooses the bare minimum time and she has no contact with him outside of their weekends.  So I don't think he necessarily pays for things because he knows it's the right thing to do, but more because he wants to appear to be the good/doting dad.  And this money is for HER, so he really should be paying more child support if he is making more.

I tried using the child support calculator but its a lot more involved than I realized.  Is there a general rule of thumb to wait until they make X amount more to make it worthwhile to ask for a modification?  I know you can ask for a review every 3 years...should I just wait until then?  Do they figure in backpay for raises he got within that 3 years, or do they just change the amount going forward to go along with his current salary when the review is done? 

Thanks for any advice you can offer!

[WantToBeFree]

Hi everyone,

I have sole physical custody of my D6 and my exH has visitation every other weekend and has been paying child support since Feb 2019.  Since he works for a public university, I can google his salary and I can see he's gotten some pay bumps over the last couple of years.  They show as 2017-2018, 2018-2019 etc, so I am not entirely sure when each bump was received and what his exact salary was when they calculated the amount for the child support order(divorce proceedings were in late 2018 and was final in early 2019). But just going by the info online, he had a $1269/year increase from 2017/2018 to 2018/2019, and a $1331/year increase from 2018/2019 to 2019/2020.

I don't want to be petty and demand a modification every time he gets a bump, especially if that's only going to change the support amount a very insignificant amount.  Since I do suspect that he is BPD and was a pretty absent/neglectful father when we were married, I'm pretty amazed that he has stepped up and been a better father than I ever expected and he does pay his share of things like medical bills and swim lessons without too much nagging and he buys her shoes and clothes and stuff when needed.  So I don't want to rock the boat and be petty for a couple of bucks and threaten our decent co-parenting relationship right now.

But, part of why he is so good about paying is because he has been living with his parents since we split and has virtually no bills outside of his truck payment/maintenance costs and personal spending and makes a very good salary for a single man.  I am not entirely sure he will be so willing to pay for things if/once he ever lives on his own again and has cost of living expenses.  I think his willingness to pay also comes from a place of wanting to buy her love.  While I can count on him to take her on his weekends, he does not ask for more time and if I ask him to take her more he usually chooses the bare minimum time and she has no contact with him outside of their weekends.  So I don't think he necessarily pays for things because he knows it's the right thing to do, but more because he wants to appear to be the good/doting dad.  And this money is for HER, so he really should be paying more child support if he is making more.

I tried using the child support calculator but its a lot more involved than I realized.  Is there a general rule of thumb to wait until they make X amount more to make it worthwhile to ask for a modification?  I know you can ask for a review every 3 years...should I just wait until then?  Do they figure in backpay for raises he got within that 3 years, or do they just change the amount going forward to go along with his current salary when the review is done? 

Thanks for any advice you can offer!

[Turkish]

If you know his salary when the order was done, you can probably interpolate it given the increases.  If he made $100k/year, say, then he's only making less than 3% more. Any increase would likely not be much.

I'm pretty amazed that he has stepped up and been a better father than I ever expected and he does pay his share of things like medical bills and swim lessons without too much nagging and he buys her shoes and clothes and stuff when needed.  So I don't want to rock the boat and be petty for a couple of bucks and threaten our decent co-parenting relationship right now.

I would take that as a good thing. I pay CS but my ex owes me about $4k in shared medical expenses thus far since 2014. I paid for all of our son's ABA therapy co-pays, and recently orthodontia which she said was unnecessary, contradicting the dentist (with no ties to the orthodontist) who said he'd have to have a tooth pulled if his jaw wasn't widened. 

How he manages his finances is his business.  The court will likely agree.  It's math. I've admitted my bias as a payor, but if he's meeting his obligations unlike my ex, I'd let it lie for now.  If he got a huge pay bump, that might be something to consider.

I'm making a little over 10% more than when we filed, but I'm responsible for dental and medical insurance, and the latter has increased by about $200/ month for me since then. 

[ForeverDad]

Court prefers not to see you two back until at least a year has passed without a serious matter to address.  Two years after the last court appearance is definitely okay.  Whether there has been a meaningful change in income is also a basis to return.

[soundofmusicgirl]

I think in most states you can only change a child support order if there has been a "significant" change in circumstances or every 2-3 years.

My personal opinion is, that it is only worth trying to modify child support if there is a significant change in income. You have to consider all the money you will have to pay for going back to court for a modification.
If he does pay for medical bills etc I would probably not rock the boat but leave it at that unless you feel that his increase in income is really significantly. Also consider if your income has changed as that will also be part of the calculation.

[GaGrl]

I had a cost of living index tied to the child support in our settlement agreement. It took effect each January 1.

I would leave it til three years, determining an amount based on his current salary with an automatic COL built in going forward, so you don't have to revisit this item again.

[WantToBeFree]

Thanks everyone for the advice and info.  I will leave it be for now and revisit in a year or two. 

[worriedStepmom]

You should also look for more details for your state's rules.  In mine, the child support won't change unless the calculation shows that it should go up at least 20% or 250/month, whichever is lower.  And in my state the person could argue for a lower payment than the calculation if they are also paying for other things that weren't in the order.

It's best to try to find out as much as you can before you attempt to make changes.