Hi.
SET does work some of the time, maybe even most of the time. I think it depends on what you hope to achieve. SET is one of several tools that can help defuse situations and each tools has a time and a place. Some work best in conjunction with each other.
The thing is, nothing is going to work all the time in all cases. Or like Swimmy experienced, a particular tool may work for a while and then not.
For me, the tools have become a way for me to take care of me. SET allows me to express sympathy and empathy which is important to me. The T part, truth, is good for me because it allows me to say what is important to me for me, if that makes sense.
It looks like something we can do, but we also believe the SET method may be something that sends her into orbit when we don’t react to her “poor me” stories and tell her what she wants us to say.
I am trying to imagine a scenario like you describe and I can not. Can you share one with us and we can help you think things through? It may be that SET is not the best tool to use in such cases. Maybe Don't invalidate is better or maybe empathetic Listening is best.
Lets see what we can come up with.
Here is another link that talks about SET and some other strategies that can help. See what you think:
Communicate - Listen and Be Heard