Getting over ex

[Carolina107]

Hello all, I came across this website in trying to understand my ex's behavior, and to get over him once and for all. We broke up 6 months ago and it was sudden and traumatic, and I still replay it in my mind. I had to call the police and get a restraining order due to his anger and I've never had to do that before in my life. Over the last few months he's blamed me horrifically online, referred to me as a narcissist and acted like the victim of me, had a friend (probably fake) contact me and offer "help" with my own healing, all while giving me the silent treatment himself. A few weeks after our break-up I sent him 3 emails/texts asking to talk, and telling him I wasn't mad and didn't blame him. He published them on an online forum (Quora) saying I was a narcissist trying to "charm" him, along with other personal details about our relationship. And lots of other things like this. Not one word of response from him directly. He has given me the silent treatment since our break-up, and has even blocked me on Facebook. None of this made logical sense to me until reading about BPD on this website, which is helpful in making me realize the motives for some of this hurtful and confusing behavior. He is not diagnosed with BPD (but with PTSD for childhood abuse) but he has all the characteristics of it. I even mentioned it once and he didn't disagree. He was supposedly working through some traumas in therapy when we were together, but in retrospect I wonder if he really was. I feel ashamed that I was so duped by him and haven't really told anyone in my personal life the sordid details of his behavior. I know he is unhealthy, and I'm very good at not talking to him given his treatment of me, but I still have trouble getting over the emotional attachment to him. I keep thinking he'll "see the light" and apologize to me. I still check his FB (from a different account) and I wonder, even obsess, about him, and feel jealous. I know the whole thing is irrational and makes me wonder what is wrong with me, and what I should be doing to heal myself as a cause of this. Can anyone relate to this? If so, do you have any tips- anything you've done, or told yourself- to help get this person out of your heart, and mind, and energy field, for good? Thank you so much.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Carolina107, Welcome!  Maybe you could fill us in a little on your situation.  How long were you together?  What happened towards the end?  I'm sorry to hear it was such a sudden b/u.

It's common for a pwBPD to blame you for his/her problems, because it get it off their plate.  Your task is to decline to take responsibility for his side of things.  It's doubtful that anything you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome, sad to say.

I suggest you return the focus to you and your needs.  Be kind and compassionate to yourself.  Put yourself first for a change.  Practice self-love, which sounds easy but is pretty hard for us Nons.  Get back to being yourself, who you are at your core.  Strive to be authentic.  You get the idea!

LuckyJim