What advise would you give?

[Carguy]

Hey guys!

I would like some opinions here. I've been over on the detaching bored lately because I figured my ex wanted nothing more to do with me so I was just working on myself and learning to detach.

The last few months she has been pinging me every once in awhile. She tried to friend my son on Facebook. A month or so later she went out of her way to say goodbye to my ex-wife as she was leaving Walmart which is quite unusual considering how she was towards my ex-wife for the four years we were together.

I think of these as indirect pings.

The last two months I have only been in Walmart where she works a couple of times and most the time was when she wasn't there. She has not seen me face to face in 2 months nor has she heard from me. Almost a month ago I pulled into Walmart and was sitting in my car and less than a minute after I parked I seen her walk behind my car. She might have been out getting shopping carts but I have to wonder if she seen me pull in as she was walking out the door and intentionally walked pass my car. It could be coincidence.

This weekend I went to a car show and she was there. A lot of people believe it was intentional. Anyone who knows me knows that cars are huge part of my life and even my career. If there's a car show I will likely be there. When I seen her she had walked by with another guy and about 20 ft past me turned around and walked back by me. My female friend and I went over by the Pavilion and I seen my ex was in the pin-up girl contest. I stood there for a minute in the small crowd and then told my friend I was going to go talk to my other friend that had a car in the show. I walked over to my other friend and his car and in less than a minute here my ex and this guy came walking by. Not just in front of my friend's car but up the side the past ten feet away. It was pretty obvious she must have been watching me and making it a point to walk by me and flaunt the new guy. I did notice through the day though that every time I seen them they were not holding hands, not interlocking arms, and did not have their arms around each other or anything. They were walking side-by-side talking like they were just friends.

To me this is more of a direct ping. Walmart was a more direct ping too if it was intentional.

To me it seems like maybe she's not over me. The car show I think she was trying to see who I was with, if I was with another girl, and possibly to try to make me a little jealous so I would chase her.

The opinions I would like to hear is what should I do from here? Should I maintain my distance and silence like I have been? If I want to attract her and gently lead her back into my life what would be your best advice at this point? To me it seems that maybe she doesn't want to be completely done?

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[LittleMissQuirky]

It sounds like some of her behaviour has been confusing, which is leaving you wondering whether to act on your suspicions.

It's a difficult one because, as you say, some of these things could indicate interest but also may indicate having made peace with things and moving on.

We all have to make our own choices, but at this stage with so much uncertainty my advice would be to just concentrate on yourself and being happy. If she is harbouring feelings then I'm sure she will let you know at some point but I don't think forcing the issue when it's unclear will help things. Perhaps consider sending her a message just as a friend asking how she is but not with any expectations of discussing or rekindling the relationship. Only if you feel strong enough to deal with the possibility that in her mind you may be just that now - a friend. I think if it is meant to be you will find your way back to eachother. I worry that seekinf out these signs and focusing on what they might mean isn't good for you.

Hope things go well with whatever you decide to do.

[Carguy]

Thank you Little Miss!

It has been quite confusing. From the things I have seen I'm not entirely convinced she has moved completely on. It's hard to know for sure though.

I am actually emotionally scared to reach out anymore to her. In the past (last November until May when I went no contact) she has ignored most text messages from me and most times if I reached out to her In person she would become angry and cold to me. The last time I reached out with an olive branch in May she got angry towards me. This is what convinced me to stop. I kept getting hurt and feeling shame for reaching out.

I have stayed away from Wal-Mart where she works and anywhere I might run into her. I've been deciding if I should try shopping at Wal-Mart again and not trying to avoid places I might run into her. Let her have a chance to reach out? Not try to interact but maybe see what her behaviour towards Me might be lately? See if she continues to try to put herself in my view/bump into me? It seems the last couple of times she may have been trying to.

A lot of people that know her and i believe running into her at the car show and her in the pin-up girl contest was more planned on her part (knowing cars are a big part of my life) than I originally thought.

I don't think forcing anything will be good. I think it will push her further away and I'll just get more anger and coldness from her. I guess really I'm just wondering if keeping distance is better so she has space and will miss me and reach out or stop avoiding contact to give her opportunity to reach out in person or see what her behaviour towards me is lately.