I need help and someone who knows the pain of silence

[RaeLee]

I currently live with the man who is my first and second husband. I divorced him twice and tried to move on with my life without him. He is the father of my children. I feel strange typing this as I have never verbalized my feelings to anyone. I have known him since I was age fourteen. The silence and the sudden outbursts without warning have occurred beginning the first year we were married.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.

The silent treatment is a big deal for me.  My ex did it as did my uBPD mother. 

Can you tell us more about when he engages in silence?  Do you know what motivates him to go silent?  Could he be shutting down due to being overwhelmed? 

Sorry for all the questions.  It helps to get more details so I hope you post more when you can.

Take care.

[paperinkart]

Hey!

I’m here for ya. Currently in my 4th day of silence and no idea if or when it will end this time (we don’t live together, so it’s easy for him to ignore me).

It’s so, so frustrating and feels very hurtful. People with BPD often need SO much extra time to emotionally regulate after a situation. In my case, sometimes it’s that and sometimes he is trying to avoid conflict at all extreme costs.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too! I don’t have much advice as I’m also in the thick of it but I hope things get better for you soon!