Advice for meeting with a GAL

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'll be meeting with a Guardian Ad Litem in the near future, and I know that the GAL's opinion will go a long way towards determining how much custody I get of our child.

Any tips you guys can provide about what to do/say during these meetings, how to prepare, etc? Thanks in advance.

[alleyesonme]

I'll be meeting with a Guardian Ad Litem in the near future, and I know that the GAL's opinion will go a long way towards determining how much custody I get of our child.

Any tips you guys can provide about what to do/say during these meetings, how to prepare, etc? Thanks in advance.

[alleyesonme]

Giving this a bump, as the initial meeting is tomorrow evening.

I'm aware of the advice to stick to patterns of behavior of the BP, rather than try to convince anyone about a diagnosis. In "Stop Walking on Eggshells," the book provides a detailed outline of a BP's behavior.

Would you recommend that I use that outline and point to events/actions that were examples of each one of those elements (projecting, no-win situations, raging, lack of impulse control, etc.)? I wouldn't actually come across and say "she has BPD," but a trained professional would easily be able to connect the dots.

I have one more meeting with my attorney tomorrow morning to finalize my approach, but that approach sounds good to me. What do you all think?

[formflier]

I think you are being wise to describe behaviors.

I think you should consider adding "impacts" on the ability to parent jointly and impacts on the child.

Best,

FF

[worriedStepmom]

I agree with formflier - I'd start with a concise overview of the impact you are seeing on your child and ability to coparent.  Then show specific behaviors that you're concerned about.  If necessary, draw lines between events to show the patterns.

You might also have a list of other professionals to contact - therapists, school counselors, day care or school teachers - if there are any who could shed light on the issues or impacts on the children.

You can also bring copies of emails or texts to show the GAL what is going on using your ex's own words.

[livednlearned]

The Ju-Jitsu Parenting handout that Dr. Craig Childress wrote up might be helpful. He suggests specific phrases for communicating concerns to mental health professionals without walking into common traps:

https://drcachildress.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Ju-jitsu-Parenting-Fighting-Back-from-the-Down-Position-Childress-2013.pdf

He addresses parental alienation but then sort of focuses the conversation on what he calls pathogenic parenting, which is often present when there are BPD traits.

How are you feeling about the interview?

[alleyesonme]

I think you are being wise to describe behaviors.

I think you should consider adding "impacts" on the ability to parent jointly and impacts on the child.

Best,

FF

Thank you. I did both, and I think I got my major points across. It was the first meeting, so there's still more that I need and want to say, but it seemed like a good start.

[alleyesonme]

I agree with formflier - I'd start with a concise overview of the impact you are seeing on your child and ability to coparent.  Then show specific behaviors that you're concerned about.  If necessary, draw lines between events to show the patterns.

You might also have a list of other professionals to contact - therapists, school counselors, day care or school teachers - if there are any who could shed light on the issues or impacts on the children.

You can also bring copies of emails or texts to show the GAL what is going on using your ex's own words.

Awesome advice - I did all of those. I was trying to walk a fine line between being tactful and reasonable on one hand, and being brutally honest about what my stbEX has done.

[alleyesonme]

The Ju-Jitsu Parenting handout that Dr. Craig Childress wrote up might be helpful. He suggests specific phrases for communicating concerns to mental health professionals without walking into common traps:

https://drcachildress.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Ju-jitsu-Parenting-Fighting-Back-from-the-Down-Position-Childress-2013.pdf

He addresses parental alienation but then sort of focuses the conversation on what he calls pathogenic parenting, which is often present when there are BPD traits.

How are you feeling about the interview?

That was a great read - thank you for sharing.

I thought it went ok. I got my main points across, but there's still more that I need to say.

Based on discussions with my attorney, I was expecting more of a back-and-forth dialogue between the GAL and I. But instead, she just sat in silence while I talked, never asking any follow up questions. That threw me off a bit, as I was hoping that she'd probe for more information. I think it may have been more effective for me if that had been the case.