How do I react to my 23 YO son's anger

[Parents! Get help here!]

   My son was diagnosed with BPD as a teen, and he has seen many doctors and counselors.  He abuses drugs and alcohol, and has now refused to talk to any doctors/professionals.

I am reading "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" to help me understand him better, and he is very much like the description of a higher functioning BP.

I guess the biggest question I have is what is the best way to communicate with him during his rages?  Do I just leave him alone and wait for him to contact me?  I get so worried about him and it is so stressful.
 

[IGMO]

   My son was diagnosed with BPD as a teen, and he has seen many doctors and counselors.  He abuses drugs and alcohol, and has now refused to talk to any doctors/professionals.

I am reading "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" to help me understand him better, and he is very much like the description of a higher functioning BP.

I guess the biggest question I have is what is the best way to communicate with him during his rages?  Do I just leave him alone and wait for him to contact me?  I get so worried about him and it is so stressful.
 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beatricex]

hi IGMO,
I am learning more and more, but I think that Zen Philosophy, accepting reality, is one way to deal with the rages.

I like this link in particular

https://youtu.be/WFk2cxbQ0n0

welcome 

b

[Swimmy55]

Welcome,
 Is he living in your home and are you afraid when he rages?
When bpd rages, it usually does no good to continue the conversation. I am not certain of your situation and don't want to mis speak. 

[Sancho]

I think everyone has to find the way that works in their situation. I have found that it is best not to interact during a rage - I don't try to explain, deny, or respond in any way at all. This makes sense to me because I think when the anger response is out of control (in verbal abuse and threats in my case), anything I say is like putting fuel on the fire. I try to stay calm and quiet so that BPD's emotional system has the chance to de-escalate.

[Pomsie]

Don’t ever react to rages. Completely ignore what he’s saying as long as he’s being disrespectful and angry. I hope you don’t have him living in your house. If you do it sounds like it’s time for him to find his own place. And extremely important that you set some boundaries if he is living at home. That means he can talk to you about things but he cannot rage about them. Next time he gets out of control, call the police. I guarantee you he will stop raging at least for a while. It doesn’t matter if he has borderline you still should not accept unacceptable behavior.