Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 05:35:08 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Expert insight for adult children
101
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
How to spot a liar
Pamela Meyer
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Devaluation, I don't understand how devaluing helps the bpd  (Read 466 times)
Trying2bekind

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Relationship status: Friend
Posts: 6


« on: July 08, 2020, 09:08:35 PM »

I dont understand how de aluing belps the bpd.can you help me understand it?
« Last Edit: July 08, 2020, 09:17:47 PM by Harri, Reason: changed title pursuant to guideline 1.5 » Logged
Harri
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 5981



« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2020, 09:34:06 PM »

Hi and welcome.

Can you tell us a bit more about your friend?  What happened that led to the devaluation?  Were you first idealized?

In very general terms, people with BPD can get triggered when close with a person.  Being devalued can minimize any attachment they may feel which lessens the threat of possible abandonment or engulfment.

In that sense devaluation can be a release of sorts from the very uncomfortable feelings they may have.

Does that resonate?
Logged

  "What is to give light must endure burning." ~Viktor Frankl
Methuen
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1731


« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2020, 12:49:19 PM »

Excerpt
In very general terms, people with BPD can get triggered when close with a person.  Being devalued can minimize any attachment they may feel which lessens the threat of possible abandonment or engulfment.

This makes a LOT of sense to me.  I have noticed the pattern that the more time I spend with my mom to support her, the worse she treats me.  Like really...what's with that?  It's counterintuitive...but your explanation explains it perfectly.

Talk about distorted thinking.

Trying2bekind: are you trying to be kind to yourself, or your pwBPD?
Logged
Goosey
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 375


« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2020, 06:40:28 PM »

Devaluation! Thank you for explaining it.
It’s like the more I am considerate and well financially supportive  the more I get verbally insulted. But I told her you can’t beat a dead horse and she is wasting her time(of course by then she hung up and I’m just talking to myself ((like usual haha).
Walking on eggshells is the best read in a nutshell.
Anyone dealing with this situation a must read.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12104


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2020, 01:33:13 AM »

This might help: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82359.0

Devaluation may be also related to Projection.

For example, my ex wrote to me in an email that "a woman of character deserved a man of character and in that you failed..." while she was conducting an affair and acting, by my judgement, like a teen mom while I took care of our baby and toddler.

I didnt respond to that. Some things aren't worth responding to.  Don't validate the invalid.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!