New Here, in need of help/support

[Jmom2boys]

Hi, Just found this site and boy do I need some help. My 17 yr old son has not been officially diagnosed with BPD but his psychiatrist, addictions counselor and social worker have been throwing around the terms emotional dysregulation and Cluster B Irregularities. He has tried numerous medications and has been taking Latuda for 2 weeks now with some mild success. I am sure that he will be diagnosed with BPD because he has 8 or 9 of the 9 criteria.

Some of the hardest things our family (myself, husband/Dad and younger brother) have been struggling with are his violent mood swings/outbursts, unstable relationships, off the charts impulsivity and reckless behavior, and suicidal threats. I could go on but I am sure you understand.

Anyways, I am here hoping and praying for some insight in how to keep my family safe, whole, and maybe one day happy again.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Panda39]

Hi Jmom2boys,

Welcome to the group  I'm glad you found us, we all have someone with BPD or BPD traits in our lives we "get it".  I'm here because of my Partner's undiagonsed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw).  Like your son as far as I know she hasn't been formally diagnosed either, but sadly the shoe fits.  But it really isn't about labels or diagnoses, it's really about how to negotiate the difficult behaviors that we are faced with when we have someone with BPD/BPD traits in our lives.

When I first found out about BPD, the first thing I did was read about it...learn more about it.  I found it helpful to get a good grounding in what BPD is and books helped with that.  This site has helped in terms of support, tools, information and sometimes just a place to vent when I need to. 

I wanted to share some books you might want to check out just on BPD in general that I found helpful...

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. T. Mason MS, Randi Kreger

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr, M.A.

We also have a Library with book suggestions and reviews. 
Here is a link to it... https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=33.0

Some of the hardest things our family (myself, husband/Dad and younger brother) have been struggling with are his violent mood swings/outbursts, unstable relationships, off the charts impulsivity and reckless behavior, and suicidal threats

What you describe sounds very familiar.  Can you share some examples of what you are seeing and how you/your family have been responding?  That way we can get more detailed examples we can help problem solve or share tools that might be helpful should a similar situation arise.  How have you been handling suicide threats for example?

Take Care 
Panda39

[Jmom2boys]

Thank you so much for your quick reply. I know that the diagnosis isn't as important as working on behaviors, but for me, the knowledge of what this could be was an epiphany. It was knowing that he wasn't just being the meanest person that I must have some how made this way. Knowing that he isn't doing this on purpose, helped me.

I found the Walking On Eggshells book yesterday and in the first few pages was mention of this site so I automatically came here. I am reading the book, but need support and help faster than I can read it right now.

I have tried to sign up for the family connections program, but for now, there is nothing in my area due to covid. I signed up for notifications when there could be online or in person classes.

I have so many questions, so many hopes and dreams that have been trashed, so many tears, that at times I don't think we will survive. So thankful to have found this site.  I will be posting lots of questions.

Thank you