Marriage on the rocks

[Babyblue4]

I’m recently married and learning that I have BPD. He’s almost done with the marriage because of my behavior. I love this man dearly and I can’t imagine losing him due to something I don’t yet know how to control. We have issues that cause my behavior to go to the extreme. I need some help to be able to communicate better and help me not go into a rage over things I can’t control.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JoeBPD81]

Hi Babyblue4,

it brought me to tears to imagine my own wife saying your words. Most of us would sign up for our partners expressing their desire and commitment to make things work, specially out of love for us. We know no one can succeed all the time, what matters is that you want to keep trying and keep standing up when you fall.

Does he know you love him like that?

I'm afraid to say something that is out of mark, I'm no expert at all, I'm no one. This place is to help us "supporters" help and understand the people who suffer from BPD. Many use this place to vent, and I would hate for you or anyone to be hurt by these kind of posts.

I wish there was a place where all of us, sufferers, members of the family, spouses and therapists could work together in building new ways to make our lives better. But we work with what we have. And at least we have some places to find support for each group (even though I personally hate to see us as separate groups when we are in this together).

I ask other members if they know about an specific forum for people with BPD.

The tools about comunication on this site, I think, would help you as well as they help us. I think we both get emotional and defensive and we comit the same mistakes when talking to our loved one. And we all need validation, to know our feelings matter, to know our partner doesn't give up on us...

I wish you the best of luck, hang in there and don't give up.

Joe

[5min]

Babyblue4, you see the struggle and have accepted it and are now searching for solutions. That is the most important and most difficult step. So many here feel as JoeBPD81 when he said "it brought me to tears..." because for so many, our significant other never achieves your understanding and desire to change. So in hearing you say that, I believe you will succeed.

Joe is correct in that much of the tools and methods here can be beneficial. They can provide insight into "I am feeling this because …" or "I am thinking this because …" and then you can see the truth of the situation. I also suggest you read everything by Randy Kreiger. She is where you want to be and has provided so much insight into the struggle of BPD.

Know that you are here in a safe place, among helpful friends.

[Brooklyn1974]

I’m recently married and learning that I have BPD. He’s almost done with the marriage because of my behavior. I love this man dearly and I can’t imagine losing him due to something I don’t yet know how to control. We have issues that cause my behavior to go to the extreme. I need some help to be able to communicate better and help me not go into a rage over things I can’t control.

I would give anything for my wife to be making this post.  God love you.  You are one of the very few that can take the pain you are having and use it in a way to help your husband.

Please understand that non-BPs love their spouse for who they are in their entirety.  We are just looking for a way to be able to express ourselves in a way that you can understand.

Have you contacted a therapist?  Someone who is specialized in BPD?  How do you know you have BPD, have you looked up the traits?