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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: My ex with BPD - guilt and regrets...  (Read 287 times)
SteveUK
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What is your sexual orientation: Bisexual
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 1


« on: August 25, 2020, 08:49:10 AM »

I am 43, she is 27.

We were together 7 years.

The first year or so was great. Love bombing, plenty of great sex any time of day, anywhere. She move in with me after a few months of dating.

Then came the cheating, she cried her eyes out - "You're all I ever wanted, I'm sorry etc etc". I took her back. Over the next few years we were on and off and she would conveniently meet other men when we were off, however she cheated again when we were on.

The next one was when she couldn't get hold of me when her mom fell ill. I was in the gym and my phone was in the locker. When I got the news I rushed to the hospital but luckily it was nothing serious. As she couldn't get hold of me she later went and slept with a man.

It then got to the point that I couldn't say or do anything right, she would look at me like I'm dirt then the next day be all smiles. She would become very nagging, stay in bed for long periods, moan about work, moan about her boss, everything. I would do everything to try and make her happy, walking on eggshells, scared of doing or saying the wrong thing.

She asked me to take her bank card and get a printed balance sheet from the cash machine on my way to work. I did that, but only went and lost her card. She went MAD. But before bed she made up and said "It was an accident, it can be replaced". We fell asleep together and all was well. Next morning she flipped and went mad again. Although she lost two buses and two phones I got for her which she conveniently forgets.

Then she complains of neck pains so I tell her to call the healthline phone number. They discuss symptoms and tell her to go to hospital. I call a taxi and go up to the hospital with her. They do an X ray, scan and blood tests. The can't find anything wrong. I was by her side for 5 hours at that hospital and on the way home in the taxi she dumps me! No explanation, nothing apart from a message 8 hours later "You're a great guy Steve, I wish you all the best" WTF?

Latest episode she's pissed off with work and sulking. I make her food and she hardly speaks, giving no eye contact. She goes off to work just about able to say goodbye. Hours later I text her asking whats wrong to which she replies "The love has gone". "I need to leave for my own sanity". The atmosphere at home was filled with tension.

Then days later I try to patch things up and take her for a picnic in the country. Even there on the day out she drops another bombshell - "I wana move out and get a place with my female friend" "I wana sleep with other men (and women - I knew she was bi)". On this same day I have a male good friend who had accommodation issues and desperately needed a place to stay. I agreed with my ex and he moved in. I was on furlough and everything was going ok. Two days later and my ex left her phone on the counter and I saw a message she sent to her female friend calling me a "cockblocker" and her friend asked if she fancied "some lodger cock?" To which she replied "I dunno" and 3 laughing faces. I couldn't believe she would stoop that low to try it on with my friend and under my roof which I pay solely for. Luckily I knew nothing had gone on as I was furloughed and was there all the time. But I knew her intentions and thoughts...

I had no option but to kick her out and send her back to her moms. However her mom didnt want her back. Her mom even told her "If you was my partner I'd have dumped you by now!"

She has had to get temporary accomodation. I feel so bad that it has reached this point. It was building up, the last thing I wanted was to kick her out, but it felt like the only option.

Even after being kicked out and in her new place she still messaged me asking for sex and was messaging like almost nothing had happened! Then she finds the landlord wants to sell up at some point and I become Satan again.
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11892



« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2020, 02:54:58 AM »

wow. and after seven years  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

i can imagine your feelings might be all over the place here.

how are you holding up? how long ago was it that you last spoke?
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