And now the spending spree

[pearlsw]

Monday morning he woke up sad. The night before I had fallen asleep before sex. He was EXTREMELY hurt. End of the world, ya know? More and more stressed over the course of the day. The break up is starting by the end of the day. It gathers in anger and rage and never wanting to see me ever again. Makes his whole family who he turns to while shunning me though it usually the other way around hate me. Nice. Efficient work. By Saturday he's back. Wanting sex. Twice. He's sorry, kinda. By Sunday more sorry. I'm "the best thing that ever happened to him". "Loves me more than anything". Today, Monday again. The spending spree starts again. Needs a boat. I have no choice to but to sign for a credit or... .? Am in a foreign country, have no idea how this affects me long term. Is sure he loves me though. "Never going to break up ever again."

But nah, none of this is crazy making. totally "normal". Would never make a person in my position have any doubts at all about the state of the relationship or mental health.

But I am still standing. Still loving. Still me. Trying to understand and keep my feet planted in "reality" as best I can. God help me.

Does any of this sound familiar?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Oh, forgot that during the 5 days he was already looking for my replacement.

Wish I was allowed to have feelings too.

Well, all I can do is take it day by day and find joy in pictures of tranquil scenery. I "saved" the "relationship".

[snowglobe]

Hello pearlsw,
Sounds very familiar, going through the same experience, the in laws always telling me to be "more supportive" or "not supporting him enough". Him breaking up with me, completely focused on his own experiences. And G-d forbit I fall asleep before he is done with me for the night. The next day I get the full blown up fury and depersonalization. Until I'm strong enough and put my broken pieces together to move on with my life and the kids. Till I prepare myself mentally for whatever comes next, then he is remourseful and trying to get into my good graces. Family time, shopping sprees, offering to bbq for me, anything goes. Until I get comfortable and relaxed again. It's like an elastic that always snaps back. I'm also constantly pressured into purchases that he needs a consigned for, but now I've learnt that I need to stay strong on that front. If I feel that I can't afford to deal with the consequences, or that this is "make me feel better" purchase for him I refuse. Bluntly and firmly. Sure he wants to divorce, sure he is fuming, but I now realize he would pull this on me anyway, even if I gave in into what he wants. Only that time I would be not only emotionally hurt, but also financially responsible for his poor financial decisions. I'm not suggesting anything, simply asking you to Consider long term consequences.

[pearlsw]

Hi, Thanks for moving this. I was in a bit of blur last week when I first came on here and was not sure where to place this.

Hi Snowglobe, Wow. Thanks a lot for sharing about your struggles. It helps so much not to feel alone in this and to feel understood. That is the hard part huh? You get relaxed and comfortable, think you just go along "normally" and then pow! It's over and the world is ending all over again. I am hoping being in this foreign country his financial stuff can't come back to bite me, but not sure. Hope you had some happiness today!

[snowglobe]

Dear @pearlsw, I'm mostly concerned about inability to make long term plans. I'm not sure what each day has in store, not to mention long term goals. When will be his next break up phase, how long will the torture last, will he go through with it this time? What ifs keep on chasing after me... .who would I be if I wasn't taking care of him? Would I be remembered? I'm currently spending a lot of time here to gather information, I also signed up for meditation and mindfulness practice. I hope that learning how to detach with love will eliminate some of my anxiety.