Once you see it, do you ever unsee it?

[wokegirl]

I've been married for a long time.  I knew there was something wrong and begged him to seek therapy.  He finally pushed ME into therapy claiming it was me who had issues.  Now that I'm aware of his BPD and all of the past abuse (he is so clinical) I'm afraid I can't love him the same way anymore.  I'm at a crossroads.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[momtara]

It's hard to trust again when you know how cruel someone can be, or how they change personalities. It does take real work for someone to change, and over a long time. If he's abusive, you might get on Patricia Evans' verbal abuse boards, where they discuss stuff like this. I'm sorry; we want to love them and for them to be consistent, and we hope the good will outweigh the bad, but often it does not. If only there was real treatment. The good news is, if you're in therapy you should discuss this with the counselor. Relationship counselors often aren't helpful because they want everyone to take equal blame. Hopefully he could get to one that specializes in BPD or understands abuse.

[wokegirl]

Sorry this is in the wrong forum.  I don't know how to move it or delete it.  Noob.