I can't believe there is a whole group to speak with

[Arsenio]

I just came upon Stop Walking On Eggshells and from the book found this support site. I have been in this relationship since 2005 and have 2 children ages 5 and 11. My significant other had behaviors that confused me, debilitated me, and depressed me.  I found help in a psychologist who for a long time treated me and helped me get stronger, including explaining to me that I had ADHD and ways to start living better.
Eventually he suggested that I look into what a person with BPD might look like.  I looked online and found a lot of YouTube people bashing BPD sufferers.  From those posts I recognized the symptoms but could not get on board with the basic message: "They are incurable. Get the hell out, run for your life".  I know my partner is great with our children (with exceptions in moments in which she is upset) and together with our children we enjoy ourselves (I thought). 
She has always complained that my job does not make enough money and did not want to work because I would not "take care of the children, I would just take care of myself and let then go hungry, etc. " when she is not home.  I agree that having more money would be great and have been doing my work and trying to study computer programming on the side.  It has been very difficult because her occasional tirades that include belittling/insulting me and my whole family have had me nervous and angry and overwhelmed.  I have been a lot less overwhelmed since taking ADHD medication.  I made time for myself to study about a year ago but this made my partner angry and suspicious and she has been saying that after the COVID she is leaving; she will work, study, and be a lot happier, etc.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pursuingJoy]

Arsenio, welcome! I'm glad you found us and that you're taking care of yourself.

Gets pretty tricky when you google BPD, doesn't it? So many people out there have strong opinions. We make an exerted effort to humanize the person battling BPD and we encourage the non-BPD partner. I know you'll get some good support here!

Is there anything in particular you want to shift or change? What stood out to you in reading SWOE?

Glad you're here, Arsenio!

pj