Daughter´s budding BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

My youngest is 12. I share custody with my ex BPD/Narcissist who is her father. I left him when she was 9. For a year now she has begun displaying BPD traits: lots of black and white thinking, lies, manipulation, insults, physical and verbal aggression when things don´t go her way... abusive. Many of the things she does are very similar to ways she saw her father treat me.
Right now, it´s super challenging having boundaries around her phone. It has become the addictive object, and I´m having such a hard time getting her to respect the time limits. She barricades herself in her room and refuses to give it up. Of course if I try to enter and confiscate the phone, it all blows up. What to do? How to help her?
She sees a therapist (and has since she was 9), and she knows. Do we need someone more specialized in DBT? Thank you! 

[ChollaRose]

My youngest is 12. I share custody with my ex BPD/Narcissist who is her father. I left him when she was 9. For a year now she has begun displaying BPD traits: lots of black and white thinking, lies, manipulation, insults, physical and verbal aggression when things don´t go her way... abusive. Many of the things she does are very similar to ways she saw her father treat me.
Right now, it´s super challenging having boundaries around her phone. It has become the addictive object, and I´m having such a hard time getting her to respect the time limits. She barricades herself in her room and refuses to give it up. Of course if I try to enter and confiscate the phone, it all blows up. What to do? How to help her?
She sees a therapist (and has since she was 9), and she knows. Do we need someone more specialized in DBT? Thank you! 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi ChollaRose and welcome.

My response may be lacking and I apologize ahead of time .  

Can you work with your daughter's therapist on her behaviors?    The setting of boundaries has to have consequences that you can live with/ can mete out .  Think through what is a consequence of  her not relinquishing the phone. Or better yet, are the time limits realistic ( no phone for a week vs no phone during dinner?). Or you don't have to take the "whole phone" away.  For example, if she is misusing an app like Instagram, maybe suspend / delete it temporarily for a few hours or some such.
I am not sure if I am hitting the mark here with my suggestions- please write back and fill in more context for  your situation if you are able.

Here is a link to peruse through:https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries