New all-time act of aggression and low for our family...

[NorthernMom]

My BPD daughter turns 18 today, and it's probably the worst we have felt for months.

Tues my 14 year old son was interviewed by Child Services due to a report of abuse in our home at the hands of my husband, his father.

Wed we had a 1 hour interview with the same person who immediately confirmed that upon completion of her interview with our son that she would be entering a report that this claim had no basis but that she wanted to give us the chance to ask all possible questions that we might have.  She was surprised at how direct, non-emotional, but obviously very stoic and truthful my son was given his age.  Usually she said they are more social or conversational.  But it wasn't hard to discern where is 'guarded-ness' came from once she revealed some questions involved his relationship with his BPD sister and the current relationship (which is already fractured).

Through a very quick deduction and series of simple questions, there is no doubt at all that this distorted and very elaborate claim and report came from our BPD daughter.  She doesn't live at home.  She's a 14hr drive away at university, in residence, and deteriorating in her condition.  Upon sharing the details of our daughter with the Social worker, her struggles, suspected BPD, lack of treatment and deteriorating breaks with reality, the Social worker committed to entering this into the report as well.

Yes I was totally secure in the knowledge that this was entirely false...but this is an ALL TIME LOW...so far.

My BPD daughter is entirely engaging and cheerful to my parents and her older siblings with regular phone calls.  She is full of venum, hostility and outlandish statements/texts to me.  But in an episode of psychotic breach from reality, her "villanization" of her father and I has now reached into her 14 year old brother's world and contaminated him with hostility, anger, confusion and total resentment of her.  He is ANGRY...and I mean like seething, targeted, fearsome, territorial, protective (of his father) anger towards her.   

I have no idea how to stop her or how to even handle this total act of family-sabotage she has committed.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hi NorthMom

My heart goes out to you!  An "all-time act of agression and low for our family"...indeed!

In our case it is me, her Mom, who has always been our daughter's target and for that I have been thankful.  Had it been her Dad, my husband, I cringe to think what she could have implied. 

We have knowledge of her accusing our ex-foster son of sexual abuse.  It was long after the fact that the two of us and her present husband were present when she told of what happened in the one and only incident and all 3 of us shook our head in disbelief that she considered it to be sexual abuse.  He had lived with us for a number of years, leaving under good circumstances, keeping in regular contact...then all came to an end leaving us to wonder why.  He never talked to us about it and probably felt we knew of her accusations.  Once accused...always the cloud hovers.

I am so sorry this has happened in your family!  So, so sorry of the effect it is having on your 14-year old son but he, like you and your husband, has every right to be angry towards her...damn angry! 

Do you have any idea if she has shared what she has now done with anyone else in your family?  If, in fact, it is her who has instigated this investigation by Child Services...and if you find this to be true...perhaps time to consider your financial support of her.   

Big ((HUGS) to you from me, NorthernMom.   Your post has brought me chills.

Huat

[NorthernMom]

Thank you Huat.

My BPD daughter has not said anything of the sort to any other family member, yet...to reveal directly if she was the person who made the report.  All of the people that she regularly connects with in the family now know of the interviews and our great suspicion of her being the initiator and why.  So if she mentions anything, they will know to advise us.  The Social worker gave us details about my daughter that she could have only obtained from my daughter herself like her course of study, where she was living,  etc.  (Had a 3rd party within the school or community made a report like this, my BPD daughter's details would not have been known, nor even a factor in the mix.  )

It's a very uneasy feeling to think that one phone call by a person struggling with breaches in reality and distortions of things around her can be so effective and disruptive like this. 

We will stand on the foundation of truth, always.

[HurtBrooklyn]

Dear NorthernMom:

I'm heartbroken that your daughter made false accusations against you that you actually had to refute. Its a terrible situation that you handled really well. It feels awful when the BPD daughter drags people outside of the family into their distortions.

My daughter cultivates warm and friendly (but not really all that close) relationships with my siblings and only attacks me and my husband. Her actions effectively cut me off from asking for or receiving any support from my siblings. They know nothing about BPD, and I believe my sister thinks somehow I caused all of the problems my daughter is experiencing.

It feels so hurtful when the child you have raised with love and affection turns on you and attacks you with false memories and accusations.

I think your statement of standing on the truth is a strong and important position to take.  Good luck.