Hello, I'm glad I found this

[flow-with-it]

Hello out there. I am excited to have found this group. I have been with my loved one for over 3 years and have determined that she has BPD. She is a wonderful person, but she does ride the rollercoaster. She does not think she has a problem, and I won't tell her she does- that's like adding fuel to her fire. But for my sanity, I have studied this and she has all of the symptoms.

We fight about once a week. We go to couples therapy, however the  communication tools we learn in it are thrown to the wind when she is set off. To date, I have reacted to her- not knowing her condition. I have tried hard in not reacting and setting boundaries. But today I have had an epiphany that she does have it- which has brought me immediate empathy and empowerment. Going forward when she has her episodes, it will be easier for me to stay calm and have empathy for her. This will greatly reduce the intensity of our fights- and at least keep me level headed so I can be productive in my life, instead of getting shut down for a few days after "a fight".

Our fights are not physical, however they are mental and emotional. I have never been exposed to this before and so I have naively been blaming myself for several years, and wondering what is wrong with me. But now I know. I take responsibility for any reactions I have done and I resolve to stop them from here on out- knowing that her feelings are real to her, but not my fault.

Thank you for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

What are the the fights about?