BPD Mother risking lives by not taking Covid seriously

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've learned this year from help from my therapist that my mother is a narcissist on top of having BPD. She's quick to criticize others for breaking rules regarding Covid but thinks it's ok for her to do it. In the fall she went to an appointment when she was feeling sick and lied about it when they asked her. Our government told everyone to only gather with our own households for the holidays (unless you live alone you can gather with one other household). I already posted about my mother getting furious with me when my partner and I refused to go. My sister and her partner went to my parents' house for xmas. The day after she was sick and found out that there had been a Covid outbreak at the shelter she works at. Luckily she tested negative and is better now. I was so anxious about the wellbeing of my family, especially my father because he is immunocompromised, before we knew she was negative. She's working in person at the shelter still and more cases have been coming out where she works. My sister isn't taking Covid very seriously either. I'm worried that my parents will see her or she will visit them, as she has many times when she wasn't supposed to. I want to say something to my sister but I know she'll tell my mother who will get mad at me. My dad won't stand up to my mother. My sister should know better though. I haven't said anything to her so far but it seems a lot riskier now. Should I say something or mind my own business? If I should, how should I approach the conversation with my sister?

Also, I posted in the spring about finding out that my mother had made up a story about my sister having Covid and being in the ICU to her friends. I never told my family. Her friend messaged me saying she was praying for my sister, which I didn't understand and my mom didn't have an answer when I asked her about it. I looked into her email afterwards, which I know I shouldn't have done. I use her Amazon Prime account and wanted to see an email regarding something I had ordered, which she knows I've done before and was fine with it. That being said, I should have asked her first. I saw the headline that my sister had Covid in her email and I looked at the email. That's how I found out about her lies and stories she had told her friends. I've kept this secret from my family, partially because I didn't want her to get mad at me for looking at her email, and also because I wanted to prevent my family from dealing with a dramatic situation and getting into a big fight. Lately, this secret has been weighing on me. I think it might be partially because I'm upset with my mom due to her carelessness. This also feels like a big secret to keep. I don't know exactly how to describe the feeling. Do I ever tell my family about it? If so when? If not, do I keep it to myself forever? I don't know what to do and how to try to leave this secret in the past if I should keep it to myself. It makes me feel anxious keeping this to myself. My mother wants to talk to me a lot on the phone and I don't have an excuse not to right now because I'm temporarily unemployed. I hate listening to her lies and carelessness. What do I do?

[wmm]

I've learned this year from help from my therapist that my mother is a narcissist on top of having BPD. She's quick to criticize others for breaking rules regarding Covid but thinks it's ok for her to do it. In the fall she went to an appointment when she was feeling sick and lied about it when they asked her. Our government told everyone to only gather with our own households for the holidays (unless you live alone you can gather with one other household). I already posted about my mother getting furious with me when my partner and I refused to go. My sister and her partner went to my parents' house for xmas. The day after she was sick and found out that there had been a Covid outbreak at the shelter she works at. Luckily she tested negative and is better now. I was so anxious about the wellbeing of my family, especially my father because he is immunocompromised, before we knew she was negative. She's working in person at the shelter still and more cases have been coming out where she works. My sister isn't taking Covid very seriously either. I'm worried that my parents will see her or she will visit them, as she has many times when she wasn't supposed to. I want to say something to my sister but I know she'll tell my mother who will get mad at me. My dad won't stand up to my mother. My sister should know better though. I haven't said anything to her so far but it seems a lot riskier now. Should I say something or mind my own business? If I should, how should I approach the conversation with my sister?

Also, I posted in the spring about finding out that my mother had made up a story about my sister having Covid and being in the ICU to her friends. I never told my family. Her friend messaged me saying she was praying for my sister, which I didn't understand and my mom didn't have an answer when I asked her about it. I looked into her email afterwards, which I know I shouldn't have done. I use her Amazon Prime account and wanted to see an email regarding something I had ordered, which she knows I've done before and was fine with it. That being said, I should have asked her first. I saw the headline that my sister had Covid in her email and I looked at the email. That's how I found out about her lies and stories she had told her friends. I've kept this secret from my family, partially because I didn't want her to get mad at me for looking at her email, and also because I wanted to prevent my family from dealing with a dramatic situation and getting into a big fight. Lately, this secret has been weighing on me. I think it might be partially because I'm upset with my mom due to her carelessness. This also feels like a big secret to keep. I don't know exactly how to describe the feeling. Do I ever tell my family about it? If so when? If not, do I keep it to myself forever? I don't know what to do and how to try to leave this secret in the past if I should keep it to myself. It makes me feel anxious keeping this to myself. My mother wants to talk to me a lot on the phone and I don't have an excuse not to right now because I'm temporarily unemployed. I hate listening to her lies and carelessness. What do I do?

[beatricex]

hi wmm,
I am reminded of myself when I was younger reading your post.  I feel your pain and understand what you're going through.  Lies are not acceptable, that is one of your values.

I wonder if it's possible to confront your Mom without going to the extent of telling her you read her email?

Besides being borderline she's narcissitic and I personally know that's a dangerous combination.  You cannot win with a narcissist, and every attempt will prove that to you, and be devastating.

That said, I understand the need to do something, despite knowing this intellectually, this may not have a good outcome for you.  Personally, i feel I learn (learned) by doing everything wrong and the hard way, I was the only one in my family to ever stand up to my mom.  It took years of therapy to turn the act of doing so (standing up to her) into a positive...because man, can a narcissist twist that into a negative.

Please take care of yourself and continue to post here.  A little mantra I play in my head when I start to question if action is the right course "will I look back on this in a year and it will be no big deal that I did nothing?  or, will I really hate myself"  use your inner voice to guide you.

b