Going crazy

[Bpd_mom42]

I'm 41 mother of 4 grandma of one. I have 3 girls and one boy ages 26,25,17,13 .my 13 year old has suffered with mental health since the age of about 3 . We have had had so many different diagnosis from bipolar,ADHD, Depression,mood disorders and so many more . Final we have gotten the bpd diagnosis well what that are expecting it might be . I never thought in my life I would experience anything like this.there so much more I would love to write but I'm mentally exhausted at this moment. I would love to connect with other parents who are going through the same things my family are dealing with. I'm sure if you dealing with someone who has bpd then you know what dealing with on a daily.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi and welcome here. It sounds like you have been on a long journey - similar to the one so many of us have been on - are on.

There are so many aspects to a journey with a BPD loved one: the chaos, dealing with the anger and abuse, trying to find something that helps ease the pain and dysfunction. Then there is the exhaustion and feelings of isolation - so few people understand just what this journey is like.

You will find good information here - hopefully some skills for yourself and ways to nurture yourself in the midst of all this. Just reading others' posts and knowing we understand is something that I find so incredibly valuable.

so . . . . welcome!

[20yearsHRS]

Let us help you first from going crazy and pull you back from the insane side of this illness.  I'm dealing with the past of 20 years of living with an undiagnosed BPD (udBPD) wife (now deceased) and an 18 yr old diagnosed daughter.  There is no cure (yet) - understand that first.  Though if they receive constant therapy (DBT) there is hope for some semblance of order.  There are only boundaries that we must establish to protect ourselves and attempt to create some sanity.  It is up to the individual to get help.  I'm still in the FOG though trying to climb out.  Fear Obligation Guilt.  I still fear she will commit suicide, I still feel obligated as a father to help her, and I still feel guilty for not divorcing her mom as she provided the toxic environment that helped the already dysfunctional genetics to develop further. 

There are many here who have experienced worse than you can imagine and some of us who feel lucky we have not seen the worst imaginable.  There is no question you cannot ask. 

Welcome.

[Resiliant]

Hi Mom42,

We have had had so many different diagnosis from bipolar,ADHD, Depression,mood disorders and so many more .

I have been through exactly that.  Including even a relative who called me when my son was around 18-19 saying that his behaviour reminded them of someone close to them that had schizophrenia.  Not one therapist ever mentioned BPD, but I suppose it could have something to do with the fact that he wouldn't go long enough for them to truly figure him out.   

In Valerie Porr's book "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder, A Family Guide for Healing and Change" she asks if this has happened to us.   So, it is a very common thing with BPD persons.

I do recommend her book for people who have children with BPD although I feel like it is a good starting point and other books should be read as well.   Valerie's book really helped me to understand my son better, she described him in perfect detail and gave me some tools to deal with him.   I think her book is best for helping us understand, there are many more tools here in the site library.

Good news is that she is young enough that you still have some power.  You can still say, hop in the car honey, we are going to see so and so (the therapist).  By the time I realized there was more going on with my son than his simple diagnosis it was too late.

I wish you all the best.  Buckle up, this is a journey you are going to have to navigate for a long time but don't despair.   Try to look at it as the biggest challenge of your life.  Are you going to stand up to it, or let it get you down?  You can do this, we are here to help.

 

R