Need help separating from the borderline

[BSDMKD]

Hello out there I hope there is someone currently on line that might be able to help with interacting about breaking it off with a BPD affair partner. This person has taken advantage of me three years ago when I was entering into a midlife crisis where it was very opportunistic for her. Before I knew what happened to me she was wanting me to leave my family and my marriage after four dates. She has grossly manipulated me, continues to charm me which is extremely difficult for me. Any advice is helpful please all chime in

[Lucky Jim]

Hey BSD, Welcome!  In my view, it's not so much about her, but rather what you would like to do going forward.  You call the shots, my friend.  Like many of us, you are probably susceptible to manipulation through F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt).  Your task is to recognize when she's twisting your arm, then decline to give in to it.  Let me ask you a question: what would you like to see happen?  It's hard to tell from your post.

LuckyJim

[BSDMKD]

Hello and thank you for the reply. What I would like to see happen or be able to make happen is to walk away and totally separate from this person and relationship and really believe that I know it will never change. I have gone back and forth with her over 19 times and need to break loose once and for all so that I can reconnect with my wife and continue my life. I have cut off contact with the BPD but think about her continuously and need tips on how to stop, does that help

[Mutt]

Hi BSFMKD,

I’m sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. I think that you have the right idea with thinking about the outcome of the r/s that you want with this person and not how you think that they may change - for example putting you on a pedestal.

Good choice with deciding to post when you feel like you need to talk. Continue posting when you find yourself thinking about the pwBPD. Are you talking to a T? Are you in marriage counseling with your wife?

[BSDMKD]

 Thank you for reply it means a lot! Right now I speak with a T that is a specialist in BPD and self love of living your true life! Her name is Ashley Berges and she has videos on YouTube if that helps anyone that is how I found her. The T suggests working with her first for a while and will then start counseling with my wife and I. As always there is an addictive component and trauma bond when ending up with a BPD / Cluster B and I need to work through that and no contact first and foremost before my wife and I can start over. We were  near divorce but my wife was strong and took our vows seriously and said this was the "Sickness" of "In Sickness and Health" I am back home and have been for 2 months after the pwBPD beat me up the last day of a trip I took her on to Cancun in November. It was the 5th time of drunken physical abuse and I finally just said no more! Please share any experiences with Personality Disorder relationship that you have. I find that just replying to these messages is becoming a form of Journaling for me!
Thanks BSD