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Author Topic: She has gone totally ghost today and last few days  (Read 354 times)
cash05458
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« on: January 10, 2021, 10:50:52 AM »

and she has gone totally ghost today and last few days...I swear to god, something about these folks and their problems that this feeds their things...even ghosting is a fantasy...just more ways to mess the other up...they must get into these lets destroy fantasies...
« Last Edit: January 13, 2021, 12:05:56 AM by once removed » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2021, 08:53:26 AM »

Oh Brighter, I see that I forgot to answer a specific question you asked...apologies....No, she never received any sort of treatment via all the childhood sexual abuse...

Was thinking back to a month ago when I arrived here...I think that I didn't want to accept that she is BPD...not at first...that was part of my denial as well...and now it seems so blatantly obvious to me now...and I certainly couldn't see while inside the relationship...think I was just constantly overwhelmed via the infamous rollercoaster stuff...

Sounds kind of familiar. My ex-g/f went to therapy for 3-4 months during our relationship then quit and never returned. In that therapy, she addressed issues with her failed marriage and difficult childhood. She admitted that she never did address the sexual abuse in therapy because she "didn't feel comfortable talking about it." What happened to her as a child truly torments her. She'll never be able to live a fulfilling life until she chooses to deal with it. She said there were other things that were done to her or she did in her life that she was ashamed of and said "I think if you knew some things about me, I fear you would think differently of me and would not want to be with me."

I also I believe I was in denial about my ex-g/f's issues. As I said before, my ex-wife is BPD. When everything was going on with her, I was more concerned about educating myself about the eating disorders, and I paid little attention to the BPD diagnosis. Plus, I found out about the BPD diagnoses about 3 years after I found out about the eating disorders.   It wasn't until I entered therapy last May that my T said she felt my ex-g/f is also BPD based on my description of her behaviors and after reviewing several texts and emails that my ex-g/f had sent to me. For some reason in the beginning, I thought since my ex-g/f was open about her issues from the beginning (and my ex-wife wasn't) this relationship would be different than it was with my wife. I know better now.

I hope you have a good week this week.
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« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2021, 10:12:06 AM »

Thank you Brighter..I hope you do as well...for some reason last 3 or 4 days have been particularly tough...not sure why...5 weeks in now...now for some odd reason she is completely ghosting me...not that we had hardly any contact...but i don't know why folks do this sorta thing...
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« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2021, 03:48:13 PM »

Thank you Brighter..I hope you do as well...for some reason last 3 or 4 days have been particularly tough...not sure why...5 weeks in now...now for some odd reason she is completely ghosting me...not that we had hardly any contact...but i don't know why folks do this sorta thing...

I hear you, Cash. Sorry to hear that it's been a rough past few days for you. That's pretty much the norm as I'm sure you already know. I think that I had rotten days every day for at least two months following the breakup.

The ghosting is pretty crazy on their end. I often imagine what they would think if the roles were reversed, and we were doing the ghosting. My guess is that it would cause a lot of anxiety within them. This happened with my ex-g/f when I stopped sending daily texts/emails to her during the work week to say hello. She stopped doing it for the most part after the 5-6 month mark and didn't reply back to me a good part of the time, so I made it less of a priority. Later on she questioned why I quit doing this and said that she missed my daily messages "even though I fail to reply most of the time" she said. It's a two way street with that sort of thing. Sometimes she reciprocated and sometimes she didn't.

Did you ever experience times where your ex cut off intimacy with you abruptly? I experienced this with my ex 4-5 times during the relationship. Her excuses were that the intimacy was causing emotional issues for her or that it made her feel guilty due to her strict religious beliefs (premarital sex). I always tried to be patient and understanding, but when this happened the 4th or 5th time, I got a bit frustrated with her for the back and forth behavior. Then she accused me of "trying to change her and prevent her from making good choices"  then she accused me of "being ashamed of being intimate with her." That was crazy, and I have no idea where that came from. The last time she did that to me was right after we returned home from a week long beach vacation between 4 and 5 months before our split. I attribute it to her mental illness and the abuse she experienced as a child. She always said that our intimacy was loving and respectful and that she'd "never been with anyone intimately that made me feel like that." Just curious if you experienced anything like that.
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« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2021, 05:12:15 PM »

Brighter, yes, we did have some of those issues...one of the things she would remark on was that she had a weight issue...She was quite heavy...I certainly loved her as she was...but she herself would use her weight issue as  a sorta  constantly changing excuse, I guess you would say...periods of not wanting intimacy...and she would always state that she knew deep deep down I was unattracted to her because of her weight. That was not true in any sense. Or even, during rages, would blame me for her weight, saying I was the entire reason she was heavy. This really had no logic, as when I first met her, she was heavy and always had been...and also the fact that she was the one who controlled our intimacy via her feelings about her weight...she would then say "you won't even have sex with me as I am so heavy"....

The ironic thing was at end, she ended up telling me she had zero physical or sexual attraction to me and hadn't for years..didn't even find me a good looking man...so basically told me what she had always accused me of feeling towards her, which held no truth for me...her own worse nightmare, one that wasnt true for me at all...then projected onto me...of course, that made me feel terrible and certainly unattractive myself...and fairly worthless to her...

yes, via the ghosting...she would certainly be hurt by it I know and it would cause her anxiety...not even sure where she decided to do such a thing as we were having barely any contact...a few things about her cats...nothing emotional or even about "us" or our ending...I did mention how much pain I was in...don't think she wants to hear that...I swear, there is almost something about modern technology that leads to or suggests ghosting...they realize they CAN...and bingo...like a new form of power, and control as well...paying no mind to the anxiety on the other end...

As for her and social media...I mean, she literally lives on facebook and has for a long time before our split...it is like it is her whole world...and let's face it...even her new "lover" came from there...was created and fantasized about thru screens...she thinks it is entirely "real"...maybe it is but I doubt it...I simply see a lonely woman sitting alone in her room holding a phone in her hand...but still, no matter the "social" contact...a woman  alone...
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« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2021, 08:43:59 AM »

Wondering what others think about medication here? I realize there will be differing answers and it depends on me as well...but curious if others have used anti depressants during bad breakups adn how they felt about that?

Mine has been gone 5 weeks, I won't go over details as all in previous threads...but I am finding a big difference between knowing/wanting it to be over for good...and feeling that. Ours ended so terribly, and another man involved, that I am shell shocked still...

On one hand, I know this is situational and would like to go thru it "naturally"...I feel I might heal better in the long run, know myself and what got me there better etc...and make better progress (I hope).

On the other, certainly finding it difficult...my days seem fairly split between ok and bad days...

Just wondering what others think about Meds and if they did or did not use during the initial break up trauma...thanks.
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« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2021, 10:17:32 AM »

if you have concerns about medication, you might try supplements. i used several, and can recommend some.

ultimately, i also used medication. neither will inhibit your healing. they work to get your body and mind in sorts.
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
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« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2021, 10:23:38 AM »

Thank you Once...yes, supplements might be helpful...I would appreciate that...

As for meds considering wellbutrin or lexapro...will of course talk to my doctor about that...
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« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2021, 12:50:25 PM »

I think the hardest part for me to deal with and I have mentioned of course...but still finding it so hard is just the insane suddenness and total destruction of everything we were for 6 years...we had problems yes, but this has just been nuts. Literally, there one day...announcement that she has been chatting to a new guy on facebook...and then is gone...just erased from her memory...now she has announced she is getting married to him when she gets to england asap...not that I want her to return here...it can never be fixed...but christ, the dramatic and sudden explosion and then replacement...it is like our 6 years of living with one another, my nursing her thru various depressions, job losses, traumas...never occurred...it's like I was NEVER in her life or important to her in any sense...I mean to her now...as if we meant absolutely nothing to her...nor do I now...I mean nothing to her...she exploded my  and our life, and now acts as if she is the most happy woman in the world with her new "friend" and completely together in every way...as if she is completely together I mean..whole now without a care in the world...excited about spending the rest of her days with this guy in england in a charming little village...I know that is all fantasy...but she completely believes it and it seems he does as well...she explodes all of this suddenly, with no warning,moves entirely on in literally a matter of countable hours...and I am left here alone, with nothing, holding nothing, depressed and wondering what on earth has taken place and why has this affected me so greatly...while she laughingly just goes on...not a care in the world or ounce of concern as to how this has affected me. That really just blows me away and I almost still can't believe it is a whole new reality for my life. 

Even our pet family we gathered here together...our dog, all our cats...she constantly talked about how they were family...it was her idea to get them all...she just walks away from all of us...they don't exist for her anymore...and that she told me to dump them at a pound...they don't fit anywhere in her "new" life...it is like her entire history has been erased...anything meaningful that took place, gone...my god, I just cant believe the change in her...I don't recognize her in any sense now...this will sound silly, but it is almost as if she is possessed by a demon or other being...just a complete and utter drastic change in who she appears to be and had been for the previous 6 years...
« Last Edit: January 13, 2021, 12:59:11 PM by cash05458 » Logged
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« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2021, 07:09:02 PM »

Excerpt
...now she has announced she is getting married to him when she gets to england asap...

She's getting married to a guy she has never even met. Hah! This is going to blow up spectacularly, cash. This stuff is downright nutty.

But I would suggest you just turn off the computer when it comes to Fakebook and all the noise. Block her and move on. Paying attention to what she's doing is only hurting you, my friend. I don't even want to think of the kind of pain I would have been in had I known what my BPDexgf was up to. Ignorance is bliss, in my case.
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« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2021, 07:21:29 PM »

Crushed...thanks...yes, I can't imagine...altho her notion of marrying him doesnt seem anything new to me as she had already been stating she was moving there to spend the rest of her life with him in his house for last two weeks or so...so married or not, same idea I suppose...and all nutty as you say...if they do get married he will be lucky number 6...just so bizarre the splitting that has gone on via me being the total black side of it... and also just the switch being flipped with her entirely...I actually cant see her facebook stuff...it's others who will see something and mention it to me...like "my god, now she says they are getting married!"... you are right tho Crushed, ignorance would indeed be bliss in this case...
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« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2021, 07:27:52 PM »

As difficult as it is, I think it'd be wise to start setting boundaries with these people, such as politely mentioning "I'd prefer you don't talk about her to me anymore, I am trying to heal and move on."

And I know the splitting seems sudden, but it's doubtful this all just happened in the course of a month. There's usually something that happened before that we don't even know about, some real or imagined event or events that took the shine off of us.

You had a good run, cash - 6 years. I suffered the first devaluation at 9 or 10 months. She threw an absolute hissy fit and MOVED OUT in a sudden meltdown, leaving me not only hurt and stunned, but angry. How dare she just dump me like that without even a conversation? In hindsight, it wasn't anything that day, it was just a convenient time for her to do it. I gave her a 2nd chance - HUGE MISTAKE.
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« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2021, 07:54:46 PM »

Crushed...well, I know the event that seemed to trigger her...the death of a much loved surrogate father (her own father died when she was 5)...this man was her cousin and had been best friends with father as well way back...and he treated her like a daughter...he died suddenly a few months back, and she spun downwards from there...that led to her quitting her job in a dramatic and conflictual manner, then a few weeks later, it all exploded via us...I think as well, she was able to do this as the new man became her new ideal savior...(interesting detail...the new guy and the dead cousin have same first name)...it was as if suddenly I became the "bad" father and him the "good" one in terms of her childhood trauma foundation she was always playing out...and she came out of one of the worst childhoods one can imagine...sexual abuse, orphanages (her Mother ran off after father died and became a heroin addict)...In that sense, her abandonment and the way she handled all this reminds me of her mirroring her Mother's behavior...not just moving on to a new thing, but a total destruction of the old...
Yes, I don't want to be rude to folks...but it's a good idea to gently ask them to give me no more info...
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« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2021, 10:53:18 AM »

Well, interesting...the things these situations can do to you...I ordered a bathroom scale as I figured I was losing weight and of course she had taken ours as she had been dieting for last 8 months (maybe that was also a trigger about the new man...I know some folks do that...who knows really)...but lost 35 pounds...obviously not how I wanted to lose weight, not saying that...but back to my old fighting weight of the previous 30 years before she and I started living together...I will take that...and there must be some sorta metaphor there...sounds crappy, but I lost more than she did during her entire 8 months of trying very hard and am in shape again weight wise at least...that gives me a little confidence....I can't wait for springtime to get back out on my roadbike...my speeds are going to go way up...small victories...
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« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2021, 03:31:36 PM »

Nice one cash.

How do you manage it? Same happened to me gradually got back healthy weight confidence and self esteem, it helped a lot,less cortisol stress hormone etc.

I always try to emphasise not just the emotional upset but the physical negs on health in volatile relationships, when i started to appreciate this more it helped me to view detaching as a nobrainer, no one is worth getting that ill for. I hope you feel healthier as each day comes. Well done
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« Reply #15 on: January 16, 2021, 05:47:20 PM »

Cromwell, thanks for the kind words...well, I am sure it wasn't the healthiest way to do it that's for sure...pretty much just depression...which isn't  a diet I would recommend to anyone...lose lover of 6 years/lose weight! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)...all in 6 weeks now...but also maybe as I made sure to have no alcohol as well in that I know I am upset enough at everything that has taken place and knew that wouldn't be good for me mentally to drink on top of that...and kept up with my exercising for mood etc...so maybe a combo of all above... But yeah, it does feel good for my self esteem to be back to my old weight...and after everything and all this loss and emotions...Hell, I will take that...small steps right?

And I think it is an important thing to stress Cromwell the negative effects these relationships take on our bodies...on our physical health...you are so right there...and I want to keep that in my mind...it's such a good thing for you to remind folks of that...

I picked up a 35 pound box of cat litter today and realized, my god, I just dropped THAT weight from my body? Seemed far more huge that way when holding it in my arms...
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« Reply #16 on: January 17, 2021, 02:42:10 PM »

cash good to hear

im wondering about what you said here

I lost more than she did during her entire 8 months of trying very hard and am in shape again weight wise at least..

I hear you cashbut im not sure what to make of it
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« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2021, 03:19:30 PM »

oh sorry, wasn't clear...little snotty on my part...SHE was dieting hardcore for the past 8 months...and I had better results in my 6 weeks of misery that she inserted me into...she would absolutely hate that and that I am back to my old weight etc... Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2021, 06:51:08 AM »

Cash,

would you call her a superficial person in terms of her view on physical appearance? Comparing and contrasting. Any eating disorders? I ask because I have heard there is correlate for eating disorders and BPD and if you were not aware of this, it may add something towards understanding. It did for me, I did not realise until a few years in and also when I found photographs of her from younger years, her weight went from being very anorexic looking to very chubby, it was more stable when I was with her but she had therapy since which may have helped. Learning some of the history helped me to realise whilst I dont understand fully, I do know there is a serious issue and I took a lot of the hurtful comments and things differently than I did at the time.

the key thing sort of cardinal rule ive found thats helped is to never take things personally from an ill person, in a biblical sort of inference I relate it to "forgive them o Lord for they know not what they do"

ok many "know" that they will be hurtful when using insults and sleights and so on, but the base of it is still true, they dont "really" know the big picture of it all, themselves, us, everything. This helped me disregard it.

if you imagine when there is some lint on one's shoulder, when I get such a thing in future i brush it off in front of the person. its my visual cue to them that there words are only but noise and not taken personally.
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« Reply #19 on: January 20, 2021, 01:12:59 PM »


Cromwell, it's great to see you on here again. I see you're giving Cash some good insight about BPD and eating disorders. I experienced this with my ex-wife, whom I was married to for six years, and I believe I shared some of it with Cash last month.

My ex-wife's eating disorders appeared to me right after the birth of our child, which was nearly 4 years after we were married. However, prior to the birth of our child I noticed several weight fluctuations in her past while I was looking through old photo albums at her parent's home after we were married. I found out during a family therapy session with her counselor that she had eating disorders that dated back to the age of 12. She shared none of that with me prior to the marriage. After our child was born, she started intense dieting. When that didn't provide the results she was looking for, she got very obsessive about exercise (aerobics and walking for hours at a time). Not long after, exercise wasn't enough. That's when she began restricting food and purging. When our child was born, my ex-wife weighed 268 lbs. When she went to intense inpatient treatment for eating disorders about 10 months later, she weighed 128 lbs. The program director at the inpatient treatment center told me that she would die if she didn't accept the help that she needed. This was in 2013, and she's had 4 other inpatient stays for eating disorders since then. The most recent one was Oct - Dec of last year. Her stays in these facilities are usually no less than 2 full months.

We had a forensic psychologist do a custody evaluation, and he stated that this would be a life-long struggle for my ex-wife. He also was gravely concerned about the effects of my ex-wife's mental illness on our child and recommended that I have majority custody, which I still have thank goodness. The co-morbidity of multiple disorders makes treatment even more difficult, he said in his report. I did not learn of her BDP diagnosis until the psychologist issued his report, which actually occurred after our divorce. If BPD was ever brought up in the courtroom, she always got visibly angry and defensive. In addition to BDP and eating disorders, she suffers from Panic Disorder, PTSD, Dissociative Disorder, and Major Depression.

I know you remember the stories I've told you about my recent uBPD ex-g/f. She was different in that she abused alcohol years ago. Since our split, she has put on a tremendous amount of weight. I spoke with my mother a short while ago, and she saw my ex-g/f walking into the grocery store as she was leaving the store late this morning. She was shocked at how much weight my ex has put on since our breakup last year. Her weight is to the point now where it is probably considered as unhealthy.  My mother has seen her 2-3 times since the breakup (once for me), and she said my ex was larger than she was the last time she saw her in passing. Some of the mutual friends that my ex-g/f and I still share say she's using food as a coping mechanism now. It truly is a sad cycle. I know the hell we as Nons go through being involved in these relationships, but I can't imagine the pain that the people with with the disorder feel. Like you stated above: "Never take things personally from an ill person, in a biblical sort of inference I relate it to "forgive them o Lord for they know not what they do."
My therapist told me something similar after the breakup with my ex-g/f. I forget that and have to remind myself of that some days when I feel angry or depressed about what occurred in my past relationships.





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« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2021, 06:44:55 AM »

Hi guys, thanks for the followups...well, not sure about an eating disorder per se...she did have that stomach surgery about ten years ago...lost a good bit I know, then put it back on via our time together...not sure why, but she blamed me for that entirely...that would come out in her rages...

As for her and I...well it has gone completely dark from both sides...I haven't blocked her as there seems no need as I never hear a word from her...I know she blocked me on all things...her last email had said...guess it has been 7 weeks now about...still very hard...some days are ok, others still bad...hoping for a some covid relief money here to pick up a cheap car and go find a job...be good to have something to do and not rethink this thing so much...from my understanding, she has entirely split me black...I seem to represent everything bad now...and folks told me she is still charging full steam ahead with the new facebook fellow...it seems as if our 6 years together have been completely erased in her mind...whereas of course I am still processing...I don't think I need to worry about her returning...
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« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2021, 07:44:15 AM »

Cromwell, you also asked about superficiality in the looks department etc...I would say not really...not that I noticed too much...after she left she did tell me she had zero physical attraction for me left...she was "repulsed "by me and that her sexuality had been woken up by the facebook fellow and  that she owed him everything for that...that hurt of course and stung...not the best looking guy out there but I am ok and keep myself in shape as well...so it seemed a terrible thing to tell me....

I looked a the phone the other day and saw she has not called the house since dec.22nd....never once did she say even in passing "I miss you " or something about our life here...or even ask how the pets were of hers that she left me with...and no, I dont want her to return...forgiveness just isn't possible in ANY sense given the way she has acted now for 7 weeks...but yes, don't think I need to worry about the return anyhow as she seems gone for good and forever...it is a strange thing...while I am still processing and going thru the bends of something that was very important to my life that has changed drastically and is gone, she seems to entirely have erased all traces that we ever even shared a life with one another for 6 years...
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« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2021, 05:03:32 AM »

sounds like Hallmark devaluation phase.

she is going through this delusion where in order to have him "the most" wonderful in the planet, part of that process is to bad mouth you. it also is strategic, it might give the new guy sympathy depends how savvy he is.

disconnect a bit from it all, we all have insecurities some more than others.

don't think I need to worry about the return anyhow as she seems gone for good and forever


why would you worry about if  she returns or not?
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« Reply #23 on: January 24, 2021, 06:25:34 AM »

Cromwell...well, have spent much time reading over a lot of recycle stuff here...just do not want to be going there, ever...don't think with her it will be arising but also know how I can fall into my sympathy mode should she ever play that card if she crashes...want to make sure for myself that I have all the hatches battened down, so to speak...and I know my weakness via sympathy...trying to steel myself should it arise...or be conscious of my danger of falling into that mode should she toy with it...

and yes, seems to be the hallmarky build up phase...full on.
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1854



« Reply #24 on: January 24, 2021, 04:21:21 PM »

Hey Cash, Either scenario what happens, remember this support here can advise and share advice etc

 I did not have it during the recycles, but the most I had was 4 weeks apart, I feel I was at the cusp of starting to seriously feel I could do without her in my life but at that point she was back and it is not that it made that 1month insignficant, id started to feel differently, but it for me was not enough time to myself, the pull factors were still there the emotions were still confused.

But is it always the "wrong"? idea, id argue that, which is why i said to take the situation as it occurs. If I had not gone back at all, I also would not have experienced more to then finally make a decision that it was enough for me. I could be wondering, perhaps forever, if I had done the proper thing or not. But anxiety Im hoping to help allay, the "worry". It sounds like you have a lot of upset but still have clear insight and done a lot of homework. In my case anxiety could have been a factor that made me return, it worried me when we were apart as much as it did being together, it was a sort of glue in a way that I wasnt really aware of, I wonder for your good self, did worry and anxiety play a part during the r/s or did it just start now from splitting up?
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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 150


« Reply #25 on: January 25, 2021, 10:30:18 AM »

Hi Cromwell...it's an interesting question. I guess looking back I didn't have much worry or anxiety inside...tho I certainly had anxiety at the rages. Bu the funny thing is that I just never expected THIS from this person...I expected alot of things, not good things sometimes...but not THIS...this just didn't seem a part of her makeup...to simply find another while still here with me and then destroy everything...I think I was also so caught up in sorta taking care of her...of being there as her foundation...not justifying that of course...but it was there...looking back we had a bad dynamic...

So I think the worry and anxiety really arrived more fully after the explosion...I know one thing that has given me so much anxiety is her telling me at the end "I have not loved you for years"...I am a fairly perceptive person but had no idea this was the case...and I found myself having anxiety at that statement...like, how did I miss this? Why did we never talk over this over the years if she felt this way? It made me feel very strange to be honest...as if "what was our reality?"

Of course, maybe she did not mean that? Or maybe she did and it's just a way for her to justify doing what she did? I don't know...like so many here I want a form of closure, but doubt I will EVER get that. I know I need to accept that...

The other thing that gives me much anxiety...and this will sound silly...but it is her complete lack of care for my well being in any sense...we were so close for so long...to use a lousy analogy, its as if someone you knew for years and years and had a deep friendship with...or even say family...and one day you show up at their door and they don't even know who you are...they actually seem like they have no idea who you are in fact...and you are left questioning your own sanity...like "what is the real here?" If that makes sense...
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1854



« Reply #26 on: January 25, 2021, 02:06:37 PM »

Hi Cash,

The "i feel like Im going crazy" was part of post relationship blues. I have not journaled any of this and it has been around 3 years since I was at that stage of post-relationship no contact at all, but I did have that feeling, it is a function of the mind and the body having to process a lot of confusion. It is not only complex thoughts, it is volume of them too, add to it horrible memories and the emotions they trigger, it was a horrible place, ive been there and I met everyone here who has had most of the same to report. It fizzled away.

Well done for how strong you have been going through these first few weeks. I was wondering if your apeptite has came back yet?
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cash05458
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: living together/possibly breaking up
Posts: 150


« Reply #27 on: January 25, 2021, 05:31:22 PM »

Cromwell, that is so kind of you...yes, makes sense...well, it has been 7 weeks now...but no, still no appetite...

yes, the memory triggers...the confusion...I mean, folks break up...I have been thru breakups...nothing ever like this tho...I guess that is inbuilt with a BDP...the way it happened, just an explosion...and the moving out in such a way, the instant new guy she had going already here in our home, the way she behaves as if I were to die, she could care less (I wont die of course)...it has just been so much to take on  and so suddenly...definitely look forward down the line for the "fizzle" you speak of...I could use that!!!

My doctor did prescribe me meds...lexapro...I finally decided ok, maybe I need a little help to stop all these swirling thoughts and emotions...will start taking them tomorrow...
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