Help in San Diego for my 28 year old daughter

[MomDaughterHelp]

Hi, there.
Honestly, a miracle I found this site! Last night was another soul crushing experience.  Talking with my daughter who we believe has suffered from BPD for years (was it caused by her sexual and physical abuse beginning at age 7 that developed into post traumatic and into BPD? Does she have a genetic disposition for it and the abuse set it off? The questions are endless, but whatever the case, I love her and want to support her in anyway I can.  Last night, I just wish I could get into her brain and mind to see what goes on so I can help her.  She is always suicidal and last night was a bit more dark.  Her lack of being able to sleep, nightmares that are beyond my compression, the description of seeing her image in a mirror, and what she describes as a mind and voices that won't stop is devastating to both of us. We've tried over and over again for help, and of course has been diagnosed with everything but BPD, as she calls it a death sentence that doctors just don't want to give.  She is on medicare, we don't have the funds for private care, and it is the worst thing in the world that I can't find her help.  Everyday I wake up wondering if today is the day that I'll find her gone... I'm scared for her everyday and some days, simply scared of her.  We live in La Mesa, CA.  Any help, advice or support out in this area?  I can afford $200 a month, and maybe $400 some months. I am so grateful for any help, advice, anything!  MonDaughterHelp!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Resiliant]

Hi MomDaughterHelp,

First of all    !

I am so sorry for the delay in getting you a response.   You are truly living a parent's worst nightmare.

I can't help you in terms of your location since I am Canadian, but we can certainly chat here.  Although the responses have been slow here the past few days (I think many are burned out after the holidays which can be extremely trying) there is a great group of supportive parents here.

My sister's daughter ended up getting a service dog that could tell when she had nightmares.  I understand your budget is tight, this stuff is so undervalued in our systems!   Here in Canada we have another support group called Sashbear which is named after a beautiful young woman who lost her life to BPD.  I know it's scary but it is reality and that group does awesome things and hosts fantastic webinars etc.  I suppose you could join even given your location but I am also wondering if there is something similar that is closer to you?   

Have you looked into DBT therapy?  Are you familiar with it? 

You mentioned: 

Does she have a genetic disposition for it and the abuse set it off?

   Although it sounds like you aren't sure that BPD is the correct diagnosis, what we learn here, the tools and skills are helpful with many different forms of mental illnesses and difficulties.   As far as nature vs nurture, look up "Biosocial Theory" . 

Also, you might find some peace in the following post from 2017 called "A letter to all Moms who have BPD Children"  :  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=311129.msg12878413#msg12878413

This is not an easy journey, but there is hope. 

One therapist reminded me that there is a reason why we are told to put our own masks on before our child's mask on the airplane.  We have to keep ourselves mentally healthy if we are going to be an asset to our suffering loved ones.

For me, this has been the biggest challenge of my life.  I feel like the other members here, the professionals who have studied and written articles and books and of course God continue to give me the strength that I need - to do the work that I have to do - in this journey that I never expected to travel.

My heart goes out to you and your family, and especially your daughter.

 

R