To all the regular “posters”

[Resiliant]

Hi everyone!

Beatricex mentioned the other day that it would be nice if we talked to each other, not just replying to newbies.  I suppose she is right.

So - Beax, how are things going with your stepdaughter?   Did you see her over Christmas?   If not is that because you are still NC or is it because of Covid or something else?   How is your husband doing, is he hanging in there okay with all of this?   For some reason I have felt like she is the only child and the two of you have no other children.  Is that correct?  Do you have extended family and / or friends that know you have been NC with stepdaughter?   What has that been like for you?

Oh gosh - I just realized what this looks like!   I’’m sorry, don’t feel like you need to answer all these questions.   I truly am coming from a place of being interested in you and not wanting just to pry. 

Sancho - how are you?   Sorry to hear that your situation has been so stressful lately.  Mine too!   Do you want to tell us more? Can you remind me too, do you have just the one daughter living with you?   How has Covid affecting your teaching job, is that adding to the stress also?

Pearls - hey sorry if we got off to a rough start!    I truly appreciate your humour, your thoughtfulness and insight.  Not to mention all of the research you have done and are willing to share!   Am I correct to assume your difficulties are with a spouse and possibly one or more of your children together?   As I said to Beax, no pressure I just feel like we all do care about each other and the more we know about one another the better supporters we can be.   That is what we are here for, no?

Swimmy!   You are the only one here that I remember from last year.   I am sure that you must also miss Faith (FaithHopeLove), PeaceMom and BlueSkyDay?   Peacemom was from Texas and I felt close to her because I usually spend my winters there.  BlueSky was from “across the pond” and I still often think of her and how her precious granddaughter might be doing.   I hope that Faith has recovered well from her stroke.   Such a beautiful person!   But so Swimmy - how is your son doing?   What is up with him lately?   Is he single, does he have a job?   Are you in contact with him at all?   And hey - I love, love, love the water!   Are you actually a big swimmer?

Luv you guys,

R

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Resilient. Thank you for asking. Yes it has been really stressful. The past few years have been so difficult, not only due to the BPD but getting into using ice etc. While in that scene she lived away with a partner a lot of the time -that is after they had lived here and we ended up with police involved etc. I put my foot down then to the partner not returning here - so she moved in with him. Lots of drama, violence etc. until mid last year when she left him and came home.

So now withdrawing here! Walking on eggshells - more like walking on cut glass!

It does help me coming to this site. Has now for about 15 years I think! I don't feel so isolated. One thing about responding though is that I think when people come here they are often at the end of their tether. Reading others' posts gives them something - even when they don't have any fuel left in the tank to give anything back!

[Swimmy55]

Hi Resiliant-
Thanks for asking.  My son and I are still estranged.  He sent an email 2 weeks ago re: info about his stimulus check.  He had one line in there about working for his shelter in Hawaii.   So I sent one sentence back_" I am glad you are figuring it out- Happy New Year. I love you".     Although inside I was screaming and clutching , wanting to know if he was eating, if he was getting help, if he had clothes, etc...   I know nothing else about him .  Maybe that is for the best.  At least I know he is alive and in a state of awareness enough that he knows about stimulus checks.   I actually do adore swimming/ water!   
I do miss the others and I hope they are doing ok and hanging in there.

[Resiliant]

Hi Sancho,

not only due to the BPD but getting into using ice etc.

   Yikes!   Are you referring to Crystal Meth?  I am so naive, I had to google that.  That is a tough one!  Swimmy often talks about Al Anon.  Have you tried that and does it work for you?

I can imagine how much better you felt when she came home and was safe from the influence and violence, and I suppose that wears off as she wears on you?  Do you think that by being home she is at least keeping away from the crowds she hung with and is at least being able to be somewhat of a parent to her daughter?   I suppose the welfare of your granddaughter is another big reason why you are putting in so much effort and sacrifice.

It does help me coming to this site. Has now for about 15 years I think! I don't feel so isolated. One thing about responding though is that I think when people come here they are often at the end of their tether. Reading others' posts gives them something - even when they don't have any fuel left in the tank to give anything back!

15 years - wow!   I feel like such a baby in all of this.   I wish I knew about this 15 years ago, I wonder what might be different right now?  Oh well, wishing a different past is not helpful so cross that one out.   

I agree about people not having anything left to give back.  I feel that way myself sometimes.  There are days that I just don't have any mental energy left to write in.   Yesterday was one of those days.  So I focused on my bookwork.  Numbers are a nice stress relief!  When I am able to participate then I like to because I feel as though the more that I write, the more I am impressing things into my own brain.  When I was in high school I never studied, but what I would do the night before an exam was just simply re-write my notes.  By writing things down I remembered them.   

I read earlier today that you had a stressful week of verbal nonsense.  I hope you get a break from that soon and can actually enjoy granddaughter for a bit.

All the best - thinking of you and your family 

R

[Resiliant]

Hey Swimmy!

Glad to meet another water baby.  I miss the ocean, we usually spend our winters in Texas on the Gulf of Mexico and I then spend so much time on/in the water but this year due to Covid we are stuck trying to play in the snow instead!

You mentioned that

He had one line in there about working for his shelter in Hawaii.

  I think that sounds great actually!  It could mean that he is connecting with good people, and learning to help others.  When my son spent some time in a shelter he was much younger but it was a good experience and a good influence on him.  I hope and pray that this could be something that helps your son in the same way.

Cheers,

R

[Swimmy55]

Thank you for your words of encouragement, Resiliant!