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Author Topic: I don't know what I'm doing. Broken up but friends.  (Read 806 times)
misuniadziubek
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383


« on: February 04, 2021, 12:09:18 AM »

I haven't seen my BPD ex-boyfriend since they closed the borders between the US and Canada on March 17th 2020.

I knew the day that I was leaving that it would be the last time I saw him for a very long time. I felt it in my core.

And I had some sense of acceptance. Despite everything that I struggled with over the last seven years. There are parts of me that are healthy.

7 years passed September 2020.

Obviously there was no sense of acceptance for him. There was only abandonment and pain.

Over the last 11 months I've been working on myself. Missing him. And probably in denial about the relationship.


Every conversation turned into garbage and him shutting down. telling me that he doesn't feel anything for me anymore. That he misses me. But because I haven't been there physically it's been very difficult.

Back in December he told me that he has slept with his female friend a few times.

I encouraged the friendship because I knew that I couldn't be there. And I knew that it was possible that s"x would be involved. But maybe denial again. Or ignorance. I pretended it wasn't a possibility.

But last night, he told me he was more suicidal than he's been in years. That he feels no relationship exists or has existed in a year nearly. That he doesn't like to talk about it because he doesn't want to cause me pain.

So i told him I could just be his friend.

And I threw away my judgement and my reactivity for the sake of being his friend through his severe depression.

And for the first time I have the full truth. The stuff that he didn't tell me.

He's been seeing that girl. They have formed some semblance of a relationship. He says it made him feel stable for once.

I hate her.

She's just as if not more unstable than him. And she knew i didn't know that they were sleeping together.

Maybe directing my anger at her is more of my denial. But at some point she was my friend and the whole situation just ... Messes with my head.. It's a dumpster fire.

I finally for the first time I have the full truth. And being his friend feels good. Having him open up to me finally feels good. I know that he's in a very bad place and that he's very sensitive right now so any judgments or confrontations on my part won't do much except push him off the ledge. Or maybe it's just bliss ignorance.

But anyways. She has found a new guy and tried to manipulate the situation to pretend like it wasn't happening. And it's PLEASE READing with my exes head.And now the new guy wants to be exclusive so suddenly it's like my ex has had his rug pulled out from under him and he's gone full depressed and suicidal.

There's a part of me that's Happy that he experienced some stability with this girl. It means that he was okay for a bit. But she's also toxic af for him. Very explosive and cruel. Just like he's been to me..

On the other hand.

They started an f-ing relationship.

And my ex is now acting like this girl was his exclusive gf for the last two months.

And he didn't tell me because he "cares and didn't want to hurt me".

And that's a load of cr@p. But he believes it.

And I'm torn. Between relief that he's finally talking to me openly and honestly.

And utter and complete pain. I want to be there for him as a friend indefinitely.


But at the same time, meanwhile, I have to mourn this relationship. Somehow both are happening at the same time intermittently. Severe grief. And some form of temporarily unconditional love.


It's almost like I'm compartmentalizing the two.

Eventually it will shift. I don't feel crazy and yet I feel my own pain. I acknowledge it. Accept it. I hurt.

And then I take breaks to enjoy fun and positive conversations with my ex.

It's been here, this entire time, the truth. I just kept putting it off. He told me he feels like we're over and I just... Brushed it off.

I'm in this weird box. Its schrodinger's relationship. It's both dead and alive until you observe it.

I love him. I love the wonderful I have been able to experience with him. And I've forgiven many of the painful things.

Ive also realized that in trying to keep the peace I let things disintegrate further.

My lack of honesty, his shutting down and me trying to walk on eggshells contributed to the decay.

The dynamic was terrible. But I lived in denial because I desperately didn't want to lose him.

I was addicted to the drama. It's part of why I stayed. Those things made me feel when i was numb all the time.

The relationship and the dynamic was awful. The intimacy was great. But then even that dried up after 6 years. And i still denied it.

I don't want him to go through this alone. I want to give him support.

It's still gross to hear him talk about her like she was his gf. But I leave my processing of that till after he hangs up.

I guess I do know what I'm doing. I'm letting go. Of everything i thought I knew. And starting over. With no expectations.


It feels really good to hear him really talk to me openly again. It feels good to open all those doors of communication again.

It means we're friends.. At least for now. I'm okay with that. But it doesn't mean much else. It just is. I don't hate him or resent him anymore.

I resent his temp gf. Which i don't think that's healthy. It's not her fault she's so PLEASE READed up and quick to cr@p all over the place. I have compassion for her, again she was my friend for a while, but I really PLEASE READing hate her. I think that's because she created a similar dynamic with him. And I feel like I'm replaced by a lesser version lmao.

And I mean, that makes sense. I've grown as a person over 6 years.. I'm not as messed up and unaware as I used to be. And she reminds me of those parts. Plus the whole manipulation thing.

So maybe I really just need to forgive myself for staying through the bad times. For the horrible codependency. That's mine to process. That part hurts too.

The biggest differences that I've noticed are one. I'm not afraid to say things to him anymore. I'm not getting pulled into my feelings right away. And I'm not getting pulled into whatever darkness and dysregulation he's going through. I give empathy and compassion without giving away my energy.

But i also see it for what it is. A temporary state.

This friendship might not have a future. Or maybe it does. I really don't know. I don't ever want to go back to that toxic dynamic. I can be there for him while he needs, but I won't stay for drama.

I guess I'm finally letting myself confront reality. He's not healthy. And he's not getting help. He stopped seeing his therapist. There's a possibility he might try to commit suicide.

But as long as he's telling me it openly, it's almost like it helps him calm down. Saying it out loud with me not reacting or overreacting keeps him... Talking about it. And that's something really new. That makes me happy.

It's like i unlocked a new tool.

He's been my best friend for so long. Even through all of this he's helped me get through some of my own crap.

He's also been a terribly emotionally abusive friend too. And that's just a thing that happened now. For too long I pretended like if I just ignored the bad parts they would stop existing.

I think at one point observing somebody else having a similar dynamic with the significant other really opened my eyes. A friend joined an anonymous addiction server. And then her significant other joined in just to find out what she wrote about him and then flipped out on her for it.

and her response to him doing that was to defend him that he's amazing except for these few things.

It was like having the contents of my own brain strewn out on a whiteboard to be analysed..

Wtf.

I don't know what's going to happen. At the very least I feel like I'm coming to terms with things. It means eventually I'll have the power and determination move on. Just because there's a new development doesn't mean we could work out in the future.. That's delusional. I'm not gonna hope for something that unlikely.

He needs help and I'm not his therapist..i can't fix anything for him.


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khibomsis
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Grieving
Posts: 784


« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2021, 02:02:59 AM »

"I'm in this weird box. Its schrodinger's relationship. It's both dead and alive until you observe it"
This. That is exactly what it is. BPD world is a twilight zone, where the most sensible expectation is that nothing is going to make sense. Which is a good thing, because in order for it to make sense you would have to be BPD yourself, a denizen of the abyss of pain and rage. So treasure your confusion. It means you are OK.
 
misuni, it is terrible what you are going through. Jealousy, deceit and betrayal are deeply primal emotions, threatening your psychic safety, and you should feel excessively traumatized by it. Especially since here you also trusted the third party.
At the same time, lockdown destroyed a lot of people's lives, sundered relationships, and caused people to act like it was wartime. I totally see why compassion matters, and where you are coming from in wishing to return love for hate. It helps to see it from the BPD side: they have issues with object constancy ("out of sight, out of mind"). I have never been sure if we are really real to them, except as caretakers. When their sense of self is unstable it is highly unlikely that they can cherish another self: yours.  As a result, triangulation is a constant on this board. We develop, I think, a tolerance that comes from understanding a little about the space the cat exists in. Thank God we don't live there, except by choice.
 
I went through something very similar last year this time. This workshop saved me.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0

 Since then I felt obliged to rescue one last time, it worked out, these days my expwBPD says thank you and is appreciative of what I have done.  I am happier every day with the break-up that came after the recycle. I feel I dodged a bullet. When I feel sad I go over to the Conflicted board and see how complicated it can get when there are kids, property, or work in BPD land. Then I am grateful that I took my exit passport from the Twilight Zone and have nothing left to do but rest and recover, work on myself and get healthy. I got away easy, and with at least part of my sanity intact.

 The supportive friend can work when you have worked through your own grief and rage. For both your sakes, think about finding a therapist if you can to support you through this?
Keep posting, browse and comment! We, your fellow travellers in the Zone, are here for you.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2021, 02:08:57 AM by khibomsis » Logged

 
misuniadziubek
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383


« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2021, 08:46:55 AM »

That was such a great reply. And that was the perfect link.

I read that workshop so many times but obviously I keep forgetting it.

I grew up with that kind of triangle all the time so it makes sense.

and it perfectly summarizes the trap I don't want to fall into again I love talking to my ex right now. The conversations are open and honest and I finally got closure from something very traumatizing that happened to the both of us 4 years ago. He finally explained to me that's the shame and guilt I'm feeling like he caused it made him so invalidating to me over time. Hearing that helped me find meaning in the whole situation. It helped release my anger and resentment.

But it's such a double-edged sword because at the same time as I'm so grateful I finally get him to tell me these things I know that there's no chance this sort of communication could ever at last.

My thoughts are all over the place, and I have trouble not going into tangents.

But it's not a bad thing. It's my grief. And grief isn't linear. And there's this sense of acceptance throughout that's very comforting. It's probably what has driven this ongoing conversation with him.

I accept that he's going through a lot of pain and abandonment. And I accept that I feel it too. I let myself feel the heaviness and the pain. And I do my best to listen with openness and without judgement.

I accept that this is temporary, while feeling the pain of wishing it wasn't.

I know this is it. This moment. It's all I have without promise anything else would ever occur.

He could stop talking to me at any point. He could use me to help him grieve this other relationship and then go his own way.

And that's just a thing that will likely happen. And that's okay.

I love him so I want to him to be okay and it will take a long time for that to go away. I don't have to be anything or anyone to anyone but myself. I can feel joy and not get pulled into his darkness and that feels very strange. That feeling of separation.

I can comfort him and then myself and let myself feel the depth of the situation without suppressing my own pain.

I definitely need to start working on my own grief actively. I have wonderful resources for it. therapy is unlikely at this point with the whole covid thing but at the very least i can vent here.
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khibomsis
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« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2021, 03:08:59 AM »

Aw shucks, misuni! You validate me  Smiling (click to insert in post)
I am so happy you are getting closure on some issues. That is rare with BPD exes so to be celebrated  Way to go! (click to insert in post)
In my life I have learnt to value friends. A couple exes remain my dear friends and are always support and strength in times of trouble. With them I was NC or LC for months or years first, and then we were able to renew our friendship.  It is hard to do it the way you and I are doing now, namely moving to a new form of interaction while we are still grieving the wounds of the past. I want to believe it is possible.

Great job living in the present and letting yourself feel your emotions! I am not quite there yet, we are only a few weeks apart and I am still recovering from the PTSD.

Consistency strikes me as the key, I stick to dumb routine with my ex pwBPD and call at the same time every day for the same amount of time. Over time I will try to reduce this gradually to every second day and so on. It can be hard, especially when she smiles at me, o then I have to head over to Conflicted board - bitter waters but good for the soul.  She will call when she feels like it, and I will respond if I can. Over time I am hoping to accustom her to the notion of consistent distance: that I am not abandoning her and neither am I trying to recycle. I'm just being there.

You are probably right about a therapist.  A thought, as and when you are ready, is possibly to talk about the triangulations in the past which affected you deeply. It strikes me as significant that you keep forgetting the workshop. A little repression there, maybe?
No worries about your thoughts being all over the place, that is as it should be for you right now. We are here for you. Vent away!
« Last Edit: February 05, 2021, 03:19:27 AM by khibomsis » Logged

 
misuniadziubek
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Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383


« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2021, 10:50:50 PM »

Aw shucks, misuni! You validate me  Smiling (click to insert in post)
I am so happy you are getting closure on some issues. That is rare with BPD exes so to be celebrated  Way to go! (click to insert in post)
In my life I have learnt to value friends. A couple exes remain my dear friends and are always support and strength in times of trouble. With them I was NC or LC for months or years first, and then we were able to renew our friendship.  It is hard to do it the way you and I are doing now, namely moving to a new form of interaction while we are still grieving the wounds of the past. I want to believe it is possible.

Great job living in the present and letting yourself feel your emotions! I am not quite there yet, we are only a few weeks apart and I am still recovering from the PTSD.

Consistency strikes me as the key, I stick to dumb routine with my ex pwBPD and call at the same time every day for the same amount of time. Over time I will try to reduce this gradually to every second day and so on. It can be hard, especially when she smiles at me, o then I have to head over to Conflicted board - bitter waters but good for the soul.  She will call when she feels like it, and I will respond if I can. Over time I am hoping to accustom her to the notion of consistent distance: that I am not abandoning her and neither am I trying to recycle. I'm just being there.

You are probably right about a therapist.  A thought, as and when you are ready, is possibly to talk about the triangulations in the past which affected you deeply. It strikes me as significant that you keep forgetting the workshop. A little repression there, maybe?
No worries about your thoughts being all over the place, that is as it should be for you right now. We are here for you. Vent away!

I'm glad that I validate you.

Getting closurer has been amazing.

I've been terrified of falling back into old thought patterns. And yesterday I had a moment where I let myself go and I went into one of those dark thought spirals and I recognized it for the first time. I recognized that my mind was going places that it had gone thousands of times before. What if. And then.

And it was scary. Because all of a sudden I was aware of just how toxic those thoughts spirals were. How much they degraded the boundaries of the relationship and the quality.

And so I was able to pull myself back out. Remind myself that this is not the direction I'm going in, that I'm not going back to this relationship. Not getting pulled back in.

I'm just enjoying whatever the present can give me and allowing myself to grieve.

This is insanely complicated. I don't recommend this route for anybody. It's so easy to jump back into wants and needs and desires.

We're not in a relationship any more. No matter how much I love him still. But the fact that I felt for a moment again, what I've been suppressing for a very long time, it really opened my eyes. It felt terrible.. So much sorrow and resentment.

I'm not alone..i have myself.. And I'm able to compassionately accept those cognitive distortions in myself without ... Hating myself for feeling them? Observe them without getting pulled on.

A lot of shoulds and if only s and denial.

He went to therapy with the girl. He called me up and told me all about his therapy session.

He's gotten an official referral for DBT.

And his therapist said the same thing that I told him the night before. That them having sex isn't beneficial for working through emotional issues as friends or partners or whatever. That it changes the brain chemistry temporarily and makes a lot of issues get buried. That it's not really appropriate for them to have the same therapist individually and then together.

it seems too messy for me {period} but I just tried to be as objective as possible without inserting my own feelings into it. Being a friend rather than ex at times.

He also said that when they get into fights that she has frustratingly says how the hell did misuni put up with so much of your crap?

And he said that it made him really take a step back and realise how incredibly patient and validating towards him and that it feels like I've been incredibly compassionate and mindful in the way that I respond to him. That I'm way stronger than any person he's ever met for sticking by him for so long.

It means a lot to hear these things. It obviously doesn't change the situation or circumstances, but getting that recognition even for a moment feels so powerful..

It's like that robert de niro movie, awakenings. For a moment he has that clarity and gives me that recognition but as always if i were to go back, in the heat of the moment I'd be the worst person ever.


My emotions about the situation don't feel as intense overall but sometimes reality hits me like a brick. I'll be listening to a song and all of a sudden the sadness fills my body.

We had some really incredible moments together. And I've been incredibly hurt by his words and actions. I've been hurt by his inability to self regulate. I've been deeply hurt by his anger and his rage and I've been scared at times. And I've been desperate and miserable and at my wits end and in pain and traumatized. And I've supressed my pain to keep the peace and I've ignored my needs for his. And I've ignored my own fear and sadness. And I've lived in shock of his disdain for me and I've had him scream at me over the phone.

And I've been in pain. And I've been high off the drama. And I've felt needed and I've been torn apart and pushed past my own comfort and I've screamed for him to stop.

Forgetting of that workshop. I wasn't ready? I would learn it and then forget because I was scared of losing him. I'd hold on too tight and let myself drown out the rational thoughts. Repress to prevent cognitive dissonance.

The person that you call your best friend can also be the person that tears you to shreds within seconds of you saying the wrong thing. you keep trying to put yourself back together but eventually you start losing pieces of yourself.
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khibomsis
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Relationship status: Grieving
Posts: 784


« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2021, 05:40:26 AM »

Dear Misuni, when going into BPDland it is important to practice good primary mental healthcare. Are you chanting/meditating/praying? Are you exercising? This last I find particularly important because it helps recenter us in our body.
You seem to be practicing a lot of mindfulness so you might be an adept at these skills, I am just asking because it is good to conduct an inventory.
Do you have friends/family outside this BPD friendship whom you can talk to? Not about the pwBPD, we are many of us here because we are unable or unwilling to talk about what is happening to people in realtime. But simply people who can hold your space, with whom you can have many levels of conversations  from the superficial to the deep. When you walk with the cat it is important to have a good routine in place that strengthens you.
 
Yes, I had an aha! moment last week, in reading about the inner critic for the first time I became aware of this companion that has stalked me throughout life. Somehow, in the awareness, my inner critic was silenced for the first time.  She has come back, of course, but now that I am aware of her we can communicate, she has lost that power over me. Now I just say "Oh, you are at it again, are you?" and she is abashed. This is an incredibly powerful workshop: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331164.0

So glad you are getting in touch with that which has held you back!

I would caution against getting into the triangle against your will. It is one thing to be the supportive friend and listen. I am so pleased you find validation now and then in that role! It is totally another to be the subject of conversations in the triangle. That is a role confusion which is bound to cause problems. I mention this because when I discovered more about the triangle my pwBPD involved me in last year I came to find I was at the centre of it. PwBPD  used her as a substitute for me (like you LDR), and most breathtaking, Miss Triangle was trying to connect with me somehow through pwBPD. In a way, their relationship was structured around me. Weird beyond belief but Miss T is crazier as she is, NBPD if you ask me. My therapist highlighted how I was lending both of them energy, all through my love for pwBPD.  It was only when I stated that I did not wish to be the subject of conversation between them that the sense of being overwhelmed started to ease. I told pwBPD I would limit information about me to her to prevent it getting back to Miss T, and I told Miss T I wanted nothing to do with her under any circumstances. (This was when she was proposing triangular communication   Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post))  Having in this way deprived the triangle of energy it slowly collapsed into itself.

You are already trying to do two impossible things before breakfast. I feel trying to do three imposes an inordinate amount of stress on you. Would it be worth it having a conversation with your pwBPD about a boundary? Namely that he does not discuss you with Ms Third Party? Would you feel safer if he did so?

I mention this because boundaries are beautiful things, they light your way through BPDland and show you an exit path. The mere act of thinking about them and setting them causes you to focus on yourself and your needs. It sounds like you are doing a whole lot of grieving in between conversations and that is wonderful news. You will get through it and to the other side. In this process, taking care of yourself is a precondition to  better support him on this journey. Hopefully the fact that he is in therapy will be able to take some of the load off you with time.

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
« Last Edit: February 08, 2021, 05:59:50 AM by khibomsis » Logged

 
khibomsis
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Relationship status: Grieving
Posts: 784


« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2021, 07:29:20 AM »

So sorry, gave you the wrong URL. This is the right one: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=277040.0
 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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misuniadziubek
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Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383


« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2021, 08:43:47 AM »

Thanks for the link!

This place is actually what brought me to realizing I had Cptsd and learning how to handle my own emotional flashbacks.

This might sound really really bizarre. But since I've been a kid, I used to always have this play playing in the background as I fell asleep. A fantasy where I'm the main character. It changed over time, but the general idea was the same. A world where I felt less out of control but also something that helped me process my feelings about myself and the world.

And the part that resonates here? The conversations and situations changed over time. From incredibly mean to abusive to somewhere in between. Sometimes it was my inner critic and sometimes the person was somewhat nicer. It's funny because it's just a coping mechanism and it's both me and not me.

One night very recently i woke up in the middle of the night after some weird dreams. And the voice, the person, turned into someone completely different. The interaction in my head was one of incredible compassion and very strong but flexible boundaries. It's very much a reflection of how much I've healed myself. It doesn't always stay that way but I no longer consistently believe my inner critic like I used to. 

I have a lot of people I can talk to. I joined a server early in corona times and I have old friends that have been around since the beginning of my relationship. I did once have someone tell me after 3 months of being friends that I'm too intense with expressing my emotions after I had a fight with my expwbpd and that it scares them. They said they had anxiety for the two days that I didn't message them thinking that I had hurt myself and they wanted to take a break. And my first reaction in my head was good for you for doing self scare.  Smiling (click to insert in post) My second reaction was intense hurt and sadness and grieving because they had been such a lovely person and it sucked to lose them. Took me a really long while to get over it.

It also sucks because it made me feel like saying out loud how i feel to someone is going to push them away.

I've taken a break from my daily walks recently because we've had incredibly cold weather here. I think I'm gonna pull out my treadmill and do that. I haven't been meditating but I have been sitting with my emotions and listening to music to help me process them. It's really good that you asked to be honest, because stuff like that does take precedence.

Also, you've brought up a very good point about the triangle. I blocked this new girl right after we officially agreed we're broken up last week. I have no interest in talking to her or about her except as it relates to expwbpd. He frames it as I don't like her. And I mean, I've never liked her. Even as his friend she's been crazy and explosive and they have always been somewhat codependent. I tried to have a neutral conversation with her about herself months before any of this happened on social media and she flipped out and left the conversation.

Expwbpds best friend tried to be friends with her for the last two months since she was around so much  but starting a month ago he told me that he's not on speaking terms with her anymore because she's "a shi++y person and he wishes my expwbpd would drop her [as a friend] because she's never going to change."

This conversation happened before the breakup. Now that I have the whole story, it all seems so much more unhealthy than ever, and I genuinely have no interest in being apart of it. Minus his best friend. I don't want to lose contact with him because we've been friends for so long and he's genuinely one of my favorite people.

So, I definitely have some boundaries to set. I've been curious to see how things go. There's a part of me that obviously misses him, but there's a stronger part of me that keeps me grounded to the fact that I've lost something, I'm not getting it back and I have to heal and move on.

Thank you for keeping me company here.
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Relationship status: Breaking up
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« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2021, 02:55:13 PM »

Just popping in to say, I love your ‘stream of consciousness’ style of posting here. It’s somehow... relaxing? To read these things, of which I’m going through similar, in such a way.

Also, love that last paragraph on last post. It’s perfect. Keep it in mind, as I need to as well.
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khibomsis
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« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2021, 01:46:24 AM »

Dear Misuni, you are so welcome! Nothing is bizarre on these boards, when I find myself ruminating too much I love to browse old posts, and if you like I can share some highlights of the extremes to which people are brought. Stories of survival and human triumph on these boards as if we were living in wartime. Which indeed we are, every single damned  day.

At least we got each other.

So glad to hear your basics are in place. Yes, I have heard about the cold, and it is February, the coldest, most depressing month of the northern winter. You will need every reserve to make it through safely. Hope you are imbibing vitamin D if you are not getting sunshine?

Great that you are well-supplied with friends.  They are  important, I once grieved the loss of my uBPD best friend more than I have grieved the loss of some lovers. You don't like losing people, I see.  I am the same. I guess that is why we are walking this broken up but friends road  Smiling (click to insert in post)

You are such an inspiration! An inner critic providing "..  incredible compassion and very strong but flexible boundaries." I look forward to getting there.  "Me and not me", yes, I grapple a lot with that. It is the madness in us that draws us to BPD land.

So I am working hard for an amicable settlement with my inner critic. Indeed she is me,  by now, and to seek to reclaim her from being nothing but the internalized voice of my uNBPD mother matters. Her perfectionism is really great for work and such like and  helps me to be high functioning out there. I find that loving her makes her more positive so we are working on caring for each other back to health. 

Yes, wonderful that you are about to set some boundaries to make you safe. All the better that your friend's BF has already expressed himself. Maybe you adding your voice will bring your expwBPD to his senses (if such exist. Not to be nasty but the fact that he still doesn't realize how strange it is to confide in you about the proceedings of the triangle - in couple therapy to boot. Well, the cat walks as it will, and cares not if it is dead or alive as long as you observe it  Smiling (click to insert in post)
 

Having an emotional flashback today so off to grapple with that. Knowledge is such power! I have no workshop for you today, maybe you have one for me?

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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