update after 2 and half months...

[Depression = 72% of members]

A few folks I was talking with asked for an update on going on Medication...I am taking Lexapro. I was hesitant as I wanted to "tough" this out...but finally decided a month ago to start.

Actually, it has helped...certainly with anxiety some and the rushing non stop thoughts...I haven't noticed any bad effects really. And don't feel drugged...just a bit back to my old self pre this nuclear bomb she set off and I won't go back into as I have given the details. Still work to do on myself tho of course...

My appetite has still not come back tho I am rather ok with that as I like my new in shapeness to be honest...gives me a bit of confidence and after years of the rages and the tearing down, I can use that...I did stabilize at least the weight loss at 40 pounds or so. I have also been doing daily workouts on my bike trainer...so just feel overall in better physical shape.

Finance wise, things are tough due to what she did and my situation...have sold enough of my things 9guitars i loved etc) to be looking for a cheap car to go get some fast job over the next two weeks or so...nervous about working again as it's been a while...nervous about social anxiety but hoping the meds will hold up there and with that. What the hell, I figure I can do it like anyone else right? I hope so.

As for how I look at her or the old relationship...now those 6 years seem a strange dream without any or much reality...a bad dream really when I look at our old dynamic...I hear from others she is going gangbusters with her new facebook BF...oddly, I don't really have much feeling about that. Nor much about our time together as funny as that is to say...I am just glad to be out of it. I don't know if it is merely the meds, or the time now and distance via complete NC...but I am waking back up to myself abit...to things I shoved down to make the thing with her work...it is a huge relief we are over. I have no intention or real desire to start anything new with another...rather, I am liking what I see about self as I wake up and know I have a lot of work still to do to make sure I never allow myself this pattern again...and there is some work of course I need to do on who I am. But it feels much better. I can "be me' so much more fully without her in my life...I see now how I centered everything around her unstable moods and life...and any closure I find is going to come strictly from me...not her or "us"...that is fine to me. Actually, starting to feel closure is rather overrated...maybe even a myth sometimes for most..whether with a BPD or even in other bad breakups...

Anyhow, that is the update should anyone care to read...

[cash05458]

A few folks I was talking with asked for an update on going on Medication...I am taking Lexapro. I was hesitant as I wanted to "tough" this out...but finally decided a month ago to start.

Actually, it has helped...certainly with anxiety some and the rushing non stop thoughts...I haven't noticed any bad effects really. And don't feel drugged...just a bit back to my old self pre this nuclear bomb she set off and I won't go back into as I have given the details. Still work to do on myself tho of course...

My appetite has still not come back tho I am rather ok with that as I like my new in shapeness to be honest...gives me a bit of confidence and after years of the rages and the tearing down, I can use that...I did stabilize at least the weight loss at 40 pounds or so. I have also been doing daily workouts on my bike trainer...so just feel overall in better physical shape.

Finance wise, things are tough due to what she did and my situation...have sold enough of my things 9guitars i loved etc) to be looking for a cheap car to go get some fast job over the next two weeks or so...nervous about working again as it's been a while...nervous about social anxiety but hoping the meds will hold up there and with that. What the hell, I figure I can do it like anyone else right? I hope so.

As for how I look at her or the old relationship...now those 6 years seem a strange dream without any or much reality...a bad dream really when I look at our old dynamic...I hear from others she is going gangbusters with her new facebook BF...oddly, I don't really have much feeling about that. Nor much about our time together as funny as that is to say...I am just glad to be out of it. I don't know if it is merely the meds, or the time now and distance via complete NC...but I am waking back up to myself abit...to things I shoved down to make the thing with her work...it is a huge relief we are over. I have no intention or real desire to start anything new with another...rather, I am liking what I see about self as I wake up and know I have a lot of work still to do to make sure I never allow myself this pattern again...and there is some work of course I need to do on who I am. But it feels much better. I can "be me' so much more fully without her in my life...I see now how I centered everything around her unstable moods and life...and any closure I find is going to come strictly from me...not her or "us"...that is fine to me. Actually, starting to feel closure is rather overrated...maybe even a myth sometimes for most..whether with a BPD or even in other bad breakups...

Anyhow, that is the update should anyone care to read...

[etoile]

This was so great and heartening to read. I am so happy for how well things are going for you. This gives hope to those of us that wonder what lies on the other side. Bravo!

[Cromwell]

Hi Cash,

pleasant surprise to have you post today I was wondering yesterday how you might be getting on, all sounds positive give yourself a pat on the back you did all this, well done.

[cash05458]

Hey, thanks to both of you for the kind responses...

Cromwell, still work to do of course on me...don't want to paint a rosy picture but yeah, doing better...I am happy the demon and her escapades have left my consciousness for the most part...the war is over! just kidding of course...but no, the big pain and shock is gone...I think in some ways what she did was so extreme and screwed up it actually helped, if that makes any sense...it really left me no choice but to drop and move on from "what happened and why?"...that is no longer my job to understand her why's and things such as that...or get hung up too much on the whole injustice of it all which I was doing for the first 6 weeks or so...poor me right? this was all her call and she can live with that...thank god I don't have to...I feel fairly clean to be honest...

And I thank god there was noone else involved say family or kids other than the two of us...nor anything legal like marriage to wheedle out of over time and dragging it out...

Kind of nice as well...some who know me well and for a long time have said to me "Hey, you actually seem like you again Jeff (my real name)...we missed that guy and he went away for years...nice to have you back!"

[Cromwell]

Hi Cash,

the anger, and the injustice, very heavy emotions and I carried them for so long, id like to share this podcast and info that helped me.

https://megjohnandjustin.com/you/anger/

There is one paragraph which just clicked in me and answered what for years I could not pin down and why my anger was seemingly trapped.

hope your having some good moments, cherish the good things going on that can be tricky to notice when in this emotional flummox, the world did not stop on its axis because of our ex relationships? they were annoying pesky rascals right? but there was and always is more going on, outside centre-stage...attention...drama...attention...seeking...disorders, illness. You get what Im saying right? you lived it, it was hostile, to put it lightly, but its literally over now.

how you write 2.5 months in sounds like you are rediscovering a lot and noticing the changes. Nice of you to report in, its good to hear it also inspires. Well done again, we are all here for you

[forevermagenta]

Glad to hear it. And I think I understand what you mean about the severity of the situation making it (in some ways) easier to just accept - because it is just so extreme. Some things are beyond our comprehension and you could spend a lot of your previous time and energy trying to figure out what you will never actually be able to know.

Part of what has intrigued me (for lack of a better word) about BPD is to really realize the extent of different ways of perceiving the world. The BPD perception in some ways seems so previously unimaginable and to a large extent still is. But it’s also awakened me to some of my own tendencies as well.

[SinisterComplex]

A few folks I was talking with asked for an update on going on Medication...I am taking Lexapro. I was hesitant as I wanted to "tough" this out...but finally decided a month ago to start.

Actually, it has helped...certainly with anxiety some and the rushing non stop thoughts...I haven't noticed any bad effects really. And don't feel drugged...just a bit back to my old self pre this nuclear bomb she set off and I won't go back into as I have given the details. Still work to do on myself tho of course...

My appetite has still not come back tho I am rather ok with that as I like my new in shapeness to be honest...gives me a bit of confidence and after years of the rages and the tearing down, I can use that...I did stabilize at least the weight loss at 40 pounds or so. I have also been doing daily workouts on my bike trainer...so just feel overall in better physical shape.

Finance wise, things are tough due to what she did and my situation...have sold enough of my things 9guitars i loved etc) to be looking for a cheap car to go get some fast job over the next two weeks or so...nervous about working again as it's been a while...nervous about social anxiety but hoping the meds will hold up there and with that. What the hell, I figure I can do it like anyone else right? I hope so.

As for how I look at her or the old relationship...now those 6 years seem a strange dream without any or much reality...a bad dream really when I look at our old dynamic...I hear from others she is going gangbusters with her new facebook BF...oddly, I don't really have much feeling about that. Nor much about our time together as funny as that is to say...I am just glad to be out of it. I don't know if it is merely the meds, or the time now and distance via complete NC...but I am waking back up to myself abit...to things I shoved down to make the thing with her work...it is a huge relief we are over. I have no intention or real desire to start anything new with another...rather, I am liking what I see about self as I wake up and know I have a lot of work still to do to make sure I never allow myself this pattern again...and there is some work of course I need to do on who I am. But it feels much better. I can "be me' so much more fully without her in my life...I see now how I centered everything around her unstable moods and life...and any closure I find is going to come strictly from me...not her or "us"...that is fine to me. Actually, starting to feel closure is rather overrated...maybe even a myth sometimes for most..whether with a BPD or even in other bad breakups...

Anyhow, that is the update should anyone care to read...

Happy to see you doing better Cash. I do not speak for everyone, but on this board those who have interacted with you or paid attention definitely do care. Keep on getting better everyday. Continue to be a forward thinking and moving person. Also, continue to use this board as a resource as long as you need to.

If ever needing an ear or you have questions post on the board or feel free to pm me to get my attention. I truly hope to see you come out on the other side of this a much improved and better version of yourself. Remember...Want Better, Expect Better, Do Better!

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

[brighter future]

Cash,

I've been away from the forum for a handful of days and was pleasantly surprised to see your post. I was very happy to read about your progress! Glad to hear that the Lexapro is working well for you as well.

Things ended with my ex 10 months ago last week, on or around 4/18/20. I clearly remember that it took me a good 3 months to where I started feeling better. Getting out of town and vacationing at my cousin's beach vacation home is what put me over the hump so to speak. That helped clear my mind a whole lot. I found out last week through friends that her life continues to be a dumpster fire, and she looks unhealthy and unkempt. She and her 8 year old son have come to blows, and she can't control him. So, she's sending him to live with his father and stepmother an hour away, and she'll only get to see him every other weekend. I know he'll be much better off there with him where he'll receive some structure from parents that are in better health mentally. Thank God my child and I didn't end up getting caught up in all of that mess.

Keep us posted on your progress and your search for a new job. I think when you get back into a more normal routine, your appetite will come back. I know mine did!

Best wishes!

[cash05458]

Brighter...thanks...of course I will...good folks like you here ...has meant so much to me via help...so yeah, not leaving and would like to help others...

[cash05458]

Sinister and Cromwell and Magenta...so kind you folks writing that...doing alot better here...but yes, would still love to talk!

[B53]

Cash,

I have followed you from the beginning. Your story was one of the most heartbreaking that I read. You have come such a long way. There are so many of us that come here so broken and you are proof that no matter how hopeless it seems, it does get better. I know that some pain still lingers but I think you are through the worst of it. I am happy that I got to meet you on this forum!

B53

[cash05458]

Oh B53...thank you for that...this place and the folks here like you have helped so much...it wasn't just me...it's been tough of course...but we can all get there and I still have work to do on self for sure...and yes, I have been glad to meet you here as well as others! I will stick around for sure!

[cash05458]

Hey everyone...thought I would add a bit more to update as made some progress...finally sold enough stuff to get a small car! Rather nice little subaru outback...old, but runs well and in good shape.

and have even been seeing a female lately a bit...nothing serious but wonderful to spend some time with someone where we have a completely different dynamic going...

appetite finally came back!

woke the other morning and looked over at her sleeping in bed, thought about the car sitting in my driveway...the freedom that brings...and how far I have come since that day in december when so much was dropped on me by the ex...given how I was feeling it has been a nice surprise to feel ok mostly...even find some joy again about small things and people...I wasn't sure if I would get there...

on the darker side, had a cop visit last week...the ex for some odd reason took out a temp restraining order...god knows why I guess as she hasn't heard a word from me in so very long... and think last note was asking if she was ever going to get her cats...she claimed she is convinced I am going to drive 500 miles round trip to kill her...I wrote a letter to judge explaining I have no such intentions or desires and simply want to be left alone. The final hearing is next monday I guess...I see it as a way for her to keep some sorta tie between us as perverse  as that might be. Whatever really...

on the job front, the post office wants me back...I used to be a mailman...two offices want me to start as soon as the paperwork is filed and done...it pays well and I know it so why not? Hopefully within two weeks I will be working full time at that...it will be a change but be great to get out of the house and productive again...and can start paying off some back bills after all this...

I hope this note finds all doing well! this place and you folks really helped me get thru this...deep thanks for that...and I would like to be there for others in s similar way...

[brighter future]

Hello Cash,

It was great hearing from you. I was actually wondering about you yesterday as I hadn't seen you around in roughly two weeks. It sounds like things are really coming together in your life, and I am so happy for you. You certainly deserve it!  Please continue to keep us updated as often as you can.

As far as the ex goes, try not to let her BS order of protection overshadow all of the good things that are happening now in your life. As you said, it's likely that this is about maintaining some type of connection to you. It seems like pwBPD like connections/attachments in their lives no matter if they are positive or negative. My ex-wife is exactly like that.

I'm doing fairly well. I'm 11 months to the day out of the relationship with my ex-g/f and haven't received any contact from her in 5-6 weeks now, except that she seems to be spending more time at her parent's home next door to me. I'm hoping that it stays that way as far as her not contacting me.  Still doing the online dating app. The girl I had connected with really well  ghosted me 2-3 weeks ago, and I never did hear back from her. She never did reply to the last two texts that I sent to her. It was odd because she told me that she liked interacting with me and wanted to get to know me better. At least I found out early rather than further down the road. I spoke to a good friend of mine about that, and he said he was ghosted by several women when he did online dating, which we both think is disrespectful.  I'm not taking this personally at all, though. Years ago I probably would have. If people can't show me the same respect that I show them, I really don't need them in my life. I've chatted back and forth a bit with 2 or 3 other women, and they seem nice.

I believe I've become so much more self-aware over the last 11 months. Last evening, my T and I went over the rankings that I gave myself for emotional health, physical health, etc. (1 being worst and 10 being best) from 10 months ago. At that time, I was a 2-4 for each category. I was a total mess at that time. Now, I'm in the 6's, 7's, with an occasional 8. There's still work to do, but I'm so much better off nearly a year later.

Best wishes and stay in touch!

[cash05458]

Brighter...sounds good...I wish the ex for you and parents etc didnt live next door...but I get...

yes things going well...I think for me it was so hardcore via what my ex did that it forced me to bite steel so to speak...maybe that was good...hard but real...

I could care less about a single thing via her now...

I went so very down...and in an odd way that helped...

I still think about vengeance...why not given her actions>?  But they simply help...seeing a girl 16 years younger than her...and yes, male ego, but will take that at moment...screw her...I am getting back to life...I see no need to hold on to the past tho I still might a bit...car and younger female who loves sex and have found again hardcore...why not...no offending the girls here...but sure...you have to try...nice to be noticed and dug and have fun and not worry about emotions via the ex and other bs...

[Cromwell]

anger is placed as functional in the recovery pathway. The vengeance? Well, she said and did some deeply hurtful comments.

I wonder if in life we ever truly forget entirely when we have been very deeply hurt, angered, wrongly treated by another? I do have memories of some of the devaluations, it has stayed with with me 5 years later, but I start to think of that as an important thing and not in a negative sense. it does not "distress" or bother me.

it serves as a "forgiven but not forgotten" and stops me from going back if that situation should ever arise again. Thats how I have made peace with it.

I can understand resentment. I feel it far less by the process of getting to more understanding the condition that promoted it, how it is BPD and taking it less personally than I originally did. It dialled down the amplitude. It is still there but it is a fraction of what it was

Sounds like the Lexapro has really suited you well, keep on it for awhile, some people start to feel better and think therefore "i dont need this anymore" that can sometimes not work out too well. Keep in touch please and updates are great, what helps is the more consistent time that passes that you can go through as a marker of having grieved the relationship. At least thats what I found on my own journey as a useful measurement of having worked towards closure.

Rooting for you from afar, best wishes, thanks for updating! Crom

[cash05458]

Cromwell..thanks for note...I will be honest...no problems here about holding her guilty or wishing the worst..we don't have to be perfect about wishing for the best...we didn't do it...and there is no magic about bad wishes to be honest...the hell with them...anger and hatred is sometimes healthy...getting over these folks is not about forgiveness...that is my feeling anyhow...it aint about holding on...but forgiveness is not our lot...screw that...forgiveness is what got me there and understanding...don't need to hate...not at all...but being realistic via their behaviors...sure... forgiveness comes to self, not from the other...our trouble was too much understanding really...f### that at this point...

[B53]

Hi Cash,

It’s hard to believe, that in just a few months, that you have come so far. Sometimes, I want to tell newcomers, that are at rock bottom , to search your post. They will see that there is hope for the down and out. They can get past it. Your my hero!

I am back to this side of the board again. I have mixed feelings, on one hand if I hadn’t gone back, I might be where you are today. But I think I needed go back and see it through. Hopefully there is no more unfinished business. Now I need to heal again.

B53

[cash05458]

B53...mind if I ask what occurred?  I am so sorry to hear this!

I don't think I did anything deep or hard...rather, I think I was thrown into such a crazy situation via her stuff...I had to...I mean, in my case, how could it have been any more obvious as to right or wrong? In an odd way that helped me...I hated it but it was like being in a fire...deal or die really...

you ok? I really hope so B53...

[SinisterComplex]

Cash...I am proud of you. I've been paying attention. You are doing well. Do not change course now. What you are displaying signals of real growth. Do not let it become just a phase. Adapt it as a part of you and embrace it. It is ok to rip the bandaid off and get to the damn point and if you do rub someone the wrong way remember it is a them problem, not a you problem. For most people they will find it refreshing. Keep on keeping on.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

[B53]

Cash,
Thanks so much for caring! You can read my whole story on the other thread (Update B53), but it’s long, so I’ll see if I can recap for you. It took us a while to start to get In sync, but it was moving in the right direction. Then his daughter’s dog died and he when to Florida. The first week was ok with us. He called every night. He said he was going to call me one night and he didn’t.  I had stayed up waiting for the call. Next night short call and next two nights nothing. It was too much like old times.I had a flashed back to what it was like in the past. I wasn't eating or sleeping, so I texted him and asked him not to call me, until he returned home. By asking him not to call, then I knew I wasn’t going to hear from him, so I didn’t wait up only to be disappointed. I wouldn’t know if he was thinking of me or not. It is like  the theoretical experiment called  Schrodinger’s Cat,  You can google it, if you want.

So when he came back he was furious with me. And didn’t want to hear the explanation and broke up with me. Then I felt guilty because I wasn’t there for him while he dealt with the difficult situation with his daughter. I kept reaching out and all I got back was his anger. Then I got hurt and tried to explain ( we all know, you don’t JADE with BPD), It was all done through email. I kept asking him why he was so angry with me. Eventually he told me,  I had said something  that hurt his feelings during a phone call.I hadn’t said what he accused me of. It was so ridiculous . So the reason he hadn’t called was because he was hurt and giving me the silent treatment. It was definitely a BPD episode. Which he had promised he had under control, the reason I went back.  It all went downhill from there and we really broke up. NC

I’m hurting, but I know that this will be a continuous cycle that probably is never going to end.  Even though he broke it off, I knew it was a long time coming. You know how hard it is to let go and give up. It was time, I need a normal life again.

I have taken some steps backwards, but not back to the beginning of a breakup, I’m further along.  I am just so tired of all of it. Life is too short to deal with all this drama.
That’s my story.

It’s so nice to hear from you. I’m so glad things are going well!

B53

[cash05458]

Sinister...thanks for those words...they mean a lot to me...this place and certainly the folks I have interacted with have helped guide me...I will certainly stay my path...

Heard thru the grapevine so to speak that she bought her ticket for england! To be honest, I am completely indifferent to that at this point. Guess she is leaving in August...not sure of the delay there...perhaps renovations of the palace need to be completed before the Queen's arrival...

B53...don't beat yourself up...it is just another small part of getting there...I think in my case I just had to harden up...steel myself...I certainly know there were moments if she tried to come back I prolly would have caved and believed in some better and changed reality...thankfully, I was never tested...being such a cold water bath sorta forced my hand with that...

Little moments still pop up and I certainly know I have my work still to do...cutting her out entirely was just one part of the puzzle of course...the bigger thing is myself and how I go on and figure myself out...

The other day I went to costco...costco is great for cheap cat litter...and you all know how many of hers I still have here...she knows all about costco cat litter as well as being our mainstay...anyhow, get in there and my card is refused...apparently, even tho I was the one who had bought our membership...she was the primary on card and had had me taken off...I asked the clerk "do they even have a costco down in Providence? "no, I dont think so..."...so just out to the pure goodness of her heart she went out of her way to do that...I had to simply chuckle and ponied up for a new membership...oh whatever I thought to myself... 

[B53]

Cash,
I’m going to be ok. I needed to go back, because I would have always wondered, that if I had hung in there and with him getting help, could it have worked. I now know, It most likely will never work. This last situation was more BPD then before he was getting help. The empathy I have felt for him, at the moment is gone, he ended it on a cruel note. There were four occasions during this episode where I offered him empathy and kindness and it was thrown back in my face. He is damaged and he may be doomed to live a lonely life with his daughter. I wished him well. Even though I made mistakes along the way, many were because I was reacting to his unpredictable behavior. I can walk away knowing I did the best of my ability to make it work. If I had learned how to respond better to BPD behavior maybe it could have been different, but why put so much effort into something that you get so little joy out of.

I can’t believe your ex removed you from your Costco card. Nothing a BPD does surprises me anymore. Can you imagine what’s going to happen when it all falls apart in England?  And you know it’s just a matter of time. Have you thought about what you would do if she calls you to rescue her? There is a good chance it will happen.

I know you like music, though, you might not like Barry Manilow, but when I have gone through a hard time and things are looking up I play this song. I Made it through the Rain

Keep in touch, you started here just a little after I did, so I have felt a connection with you.
 Keep up the good work.!
B53

[khibomsis]

Congratulations, Cash!   I am so glad to see you landing on your feet!
Like others, I would say do not worry about the ex. Possibly it was not working out with Mr Fb as planned and so that is why she is seeking your attention in the only way she can. Starve the fire of oxygen by refusing to give it energy.

Best wishes moving forward!
 

[cash05458]

Thanks both!

B53...just from my situation...will say this...I think empathy is our greatest danger with them...that and us always needing closure...we need to give up on that with these sick people...it's designed that way...if we can knock those two things out somehow, it is much easier and better for us by far...

via her in England...no, I am not worried at all should she return and try to contact...I have been vaccinated so to speak...actually, she is more than welcome to as I would love to get things off chest and let her know what I think of her...no danger there for me at all...I would relish giving her a piece of my mind as to her morals and actions...SHE, not I...have to live with those calls of hers...thank god for that...I don't.

I don't think it is because I have a done such a wonderful job or anything...it has been horrible to be honest...the worst thing I have ever been thru and I certainly have scars that will stay there forever...but in an odd way she went so extreme that it was a gift in some odd way...I have a hard time even imagining what her face truly looks like now...it's as if my defenses kicked into hardcore survival...that's a good thing and was welcome!

[B53]

Cash,
I totally agree and understand where you are coming from. I remember his face well, mean and full of anger.

The best revenge is a happy life!

B53

[cash05458]

B53...yes, it's strange how even that memory has been erased a bit..how that tormented face looked in rage...to be honest, I dont expect happiness per say...normalcy! just a stable day to day with some joys therein...and the usual sorrows life tosses at us...that is just fine to me...I expect no miracles...that is a good thing...

as for vengeance...well, it will have nothing to do with me or my hand...it will come now that I have pulled out...and she will do it on own...I was the willing stopgap...sure I would like that as I believe in justice in some sense...that is a natural human thing...I mean, believing in karma is just a lighter form of wanting vengeance...but it ain't up to me any longer...either helping or hurting...

It has helped meeting a new female...or it's been nice...she wants to step things up of course...maybe not of course...but you know...whereas I am fine with keeping things slow...weekends are fine...then back to my life...and sounds terrible but nice to be woken to sex again...of course...

when I look back now on our dynamic and me jumping around like a trained monkey via her moods and anger...it seems so distant...

[B53]

Cash,
I’m impressed that you met someone already. I think it will take me awhile before I’m there. I’m not judging, each their own, and it’s not that I don’t enjoy it, but I can’t just jump into bed with anyone. I have to have a connection and the belief that there is a possible future and a STD test.
I guess I’m old school.
 If it’s working for you, great!

B53

[cash05458]

well, just to fill in the gaps...jobwise, I have signed back onto the Post Office...which I had left about 5 years ago...I was a mailman for the previous 12 etc...so back to where I began which to be honest is perfectly fine and a gift...I will take that...

At my age, every job I saw was minimum wage here in Vermont...which is 11 bucks an hour...

Three different offices offered me spots but I have accepted the one that is full time with lots of overtime there if I choose...and they are starting me at 19 something an hour...I plan to throw myself back into work, put money into the bank so that I am NEVER in this position again...financially I mean...and emotionally as well.

It is not the most fulfilling job in the world...but I am grateful for it...and after these last 4 or 5 months, it will be great to be out of the house and dealing with different things...

I spent the weekend at this new girl's house...took my dog Jasper with me and left the cats more than enough food...the first time I have not slept at home in 14 years...driving thru the Green Mountains homeward on sunday evening in my little beat up car, with a job offer in my pocket that had arrived over the weekend by email...thinking about how I could not imagine such a scene a mere 6 months ago...and it felt very very good...for a while I think I had lost faith life would give back, but it has...

[brighter future]

Sounds like things are really going well for you, Cash. I'm so glad to hear that. Any news on her BS order of protection? Once you get that out of the way, everything else should be smooth sailing.

I've always wanted to travel to VT, NH, and ME. The furthest North I've been into New England was when I was in my 20's. I traveled up there with an old g/f to visit her mother in Shelburne Falls, MA in the Berkshire Mountains. It really is a beautiful area up there.