I dont think I learned my lesson... I talked to her again

[legalboxers]

  :caution:So... She contacted me last night. Telling me if I could stay on the phone with her since she was scared to sleep. Mind you my morning routine would be altered Im like hey, what the hell, let me be nice. So from 10:00pm to about 7:00 she was on the phone with me. I fell asleep but I was on the phone with her.

During the call, she was going on and on about me. Had 3 nightmares in between. Telling me she clutches her moms ashes and rocks back and forth. She blamed me, her present husband, her 2 ex boyfriends all for everything about them having female friends and texting females...

She was telling me some guy got mad at her because she was texting all her male friends (sounds familiar) so she tells me at 7:30 she dont want anything to do with me. So I'm like ok..

I go about my day, studying for my LSAT, looking for a new house she sends me a message "Please stay on the phone with me tonight, we arent getting back together.. So Im blasting Taylor in my head as I study. She then tells me.. or sends me a pic of her at work.. with her work husband.

What is she trying to do to me. She also wanted me to take her to do food shopping. Granted when I was with her I felt like her husband. But this.. I dont know. 1 year later. Im back in the same position, but this case, fire is to my feet and I need. Not want.. NEED to get into law school...

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Legalboxers:

She contacted me last night. Telling me if I could stay on the phone with her since she was scared to sleep. Mind you my morning routine would be altered Im like hey, what the hell, let me be nice. . .   She blamed me, her present husband, her 2 ex boyfriends all for everything

She is using you.  You can't fix her, save her or be responsible for her.

What is she trying to do to me. She also wanted me to take her to do food shopping. Granted when I was with her I felt like her husband. But this.. I dont know. 1 year later. Im back in the same position, but this case, fire is to my feet and I need. Not want.. NEED to get into law school...     

 
Another way to look at it is "what are/will you let her do to you?".  She is counterproductive to your goals. Best to set boundaries & enforce them.  Nice doesn't need to mean you let people step on you and take advantage.

[khibomsis]

No, legalboxers, it doesn't seem you did. Don't be too harsh on yourself, I too have gone back many times to an exploitative relationship until I sorted out whatever it was I was needing to do emotionally (grew up).
But you don't have to do it all at once. For this year, you have a choice: this woman or law school? Your choice

[legalboxers]

Hey Legalboxers:
She is using you.  You can't fix her, save her or be responsible for her.
 
Another way to look at it is "what are/will you let her do to you?".  She is counterproductive to your goals. Best to set boundaries & enforce them.  Nice doesn't need to mean you let people step on you and take advantage.

Only way I can explain. I never smiled as a kid. I use to trek into places she lived when I as a young boy. Small stupid visits like to Woolworth (Menlo Park Mall - NJ) and cookie factory there. My usual food was a slice of pizza from woolworth and a cold pepsi. Then cookie factory... You also had Woodbridge Mall NJ... use to go to Cinnabon... You also had a Pathmark here... and a Bradlees.. The most stupidest thing.. My memories kept me smiling.. When I felt life was punching me, beating me.. I use to run to a place in my mind.. where I felt safe.. I dont even have that

[legalboxers]

No, legalboxers, it doesn't seem you did. Don't be too harsh on yourself, I too have gone back many times to an exploitative relationship until I sorted out whatever it was I was needing to do emotionally (grew up).
But you don't have to do it all at once. For this year, you have a choice: this woman or law school? Your choice

I want my happiness.. I want my sanity. I dont want to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and in tears (deep secret, I keep a bear next to my side table to watch over me.). I dont want to keep clutching it and sobbing to myself...

[khibomsis]

legalboxers, dear, you know the answer to that one. You choose to pick up the phone or not. You choose your future.
It sounds messy beyond belief anyway. Please tell us more? From what you are saying I am baffled as to why you would seek it even without exams. Maybe I don't fully understand ?

Let the tears come out. They are cleansing. There is no shame in the sorrow of an honest man.

Your bear sounds cute. He is nice and supportive. We are too. If you will let us

[Naughty Nibbler]

Only way I can explain. I never smiled as a kid. I use to trek into places she lived when I as a young boy. Small stupid visits like to Woolworth (Menlo Park Mall - NJ) and cookie factory there. My usual food was a slice of pizza from woolworth and a cold pepsi. Then cookie factory... You also had Woodbridge Mall NJ... use to go to Cinnabon... You also had a Pathmark here... and a Bradlees.. The most stupidest thing.. My memories kept me smiling.. When I felt life was punching me, beating me.. I use to run to a place in my mind.. where I felt safe.. I dont even have that

Create a new safe place in your mind. There are ways to achieve that with mindfulness and meditation.

Quit looking behind you at the past - Look ahead at the future.  You are responsible for your own happiness. The only person you can fix is yourself.  Your Ex can't keep walking all over you without your help.

If you want to be a lawyer, you can practice self-discipline and achieve that.  If you want to waste your life, thinking you can fix your ex, then you can choose to waste your life. You can keep being a people pleaser without boundaries. 

Perhaps some counseling would be helpful. 

"A disciplined mind leads to happiness.  An undisciplined mind leads to suffering."     Dalai Lama

"Everyone must choose one of two pains: The pain of dicipline or the pain of regret."    Jim Rohn

[legalboxers]

legalboxers, dear, you know the answer to that one. You choose to pick up the phone or not. You choose your future.
It sounds messy beyond belief anyway. Please tell us more? From what you are saying I am baffled as to why you would seek it even without exams. Maybe I don't fully understand ?

Let the tears come out. They are cleansing. There is no shame in the sorrow of an honest man.

Your bear sounds cute. He is nice and supportive. We are too. If you will let us

Im using studying as a distraction. And the bears name is Polar. I had him since 1999. An ex gf gave him to me but I dont associate her with it. Its my "emotionally support bear". And yes everyone here is supportive! *HUGS*

[legalboxers]

Create a new safe place in your mind. There are ways to achieve that with mindfulness and meditation.

Quit looking behind you at the past - Look ahead at the future.  You are responsible for your own happiness. The only person you can fix is yourself.  Your Ex can't keep walking all over you without your help.

If you want to be a lawyer, you can practice self-discipline and achieve that.  If you want to waste your life, thinking you can fix your ex, then you can choose to waste your life. You can keep being a people pleaser without boundaries. 

Perhaps some counseling would be helpful. 

"A disciplined mind leads to happiness.  An undisciplined mind leads to suffering."     Dalai Lama

"Everyone must choose one of two pains: The pain of dicipline or the pain of regret."    Jim Rohn

Thank you.. but when all else fails..

[khibomsis]

Dear legalboxers, thank you for checking in  I was wondering. Excellent approach! If the painful energy of your wounded heart goes into your studies you will ace exams for sure.

Here's one for you and one for Polar
   

[legalboxers]

Dear legalboxers, thank you for checking in  I was wondering. Excellent approach! If the painful energy of your wounded heart goes into your studies you will ace exams for sure.

Here's one for you and one for Polar
   

We both thank you She called me...again.. last night from my deep sleep. She keeps on rehashing everything. Messed up part is, she and I loved watching 90 day fiancee. So I had a nightmare where many of the cast showed up at the wedding

[khibomsis]

legalboxers, honey,  it will get better with time. Switch your phone off at night and get some sleep. You are holding down a busy job during the day and studying all evening. You need you right now. Everything will be better in the morning if you sleep.

 

[khibomsis]

oops sorry one hug short 

[yeeter]

 A long time ago a colleague told me:

Life is a series of lessons.  If you do not learn that lesson the first time, dont worry, you will get it again...

Can not tell you how many times I have repeated that to myself.  And every now and then, I learn.  But some lessons are easier than others.

 

[legalboxers]

A long time ago a colleague told me:

Life is a series of lessons.  If you do not learn that lesson the first time, dont worry, you will get it again...

Can not tell you how many times I have repeated that to myself.  And every now and then, I learn.  But some lessons are easier than others.

 

sorry for the delay. Her mom's death anniversary is on the 25, should I be nice and supportive or ignore her since shes being nasty to me

[SinisterComplex]

So LB...what do you think you should do? How do you feel? It does not matter what I think or feel or what anyone else on this forum thinks or feels. It is your decision. What you do is up to you and you do not have to justify what you choose to do to anyone. Now having said that...go about your own business. Your life matters more. Period. Do you. You don't have to be nasty. Remember...weak people seek revenge, strong people forgive, but smart people ignore and move on. So do yourself the service of focusing on you.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[yeeter]

Your post title was about whether you learned your lesson or not.   This implies you have some sense of what level of engagement you feel is best for you

There can be a push pull cycle and it’s easy to be reasonable and let someone back in during a pull.  Even knowing it might blow up and push away again

Likely you want to have a sense of being reasonable.  Kind supportive person.  You may get nothing in return (or worse).  And that can be ok if it a choice you consciously make and not expecting reciprocity. 

At the higher level the push pull could be tiring.  Or the more difficult pieces of the relationship might be more than the positives you get from it. 

Many do better with a more deliberate decision.  In or out. Then act consistent to that. It can be a very hard choice

[legalboxers]

So LB...what do you think you should do? How do you feel? It does not matter what I think or feel or what anyone else on this forum thinks or feels. It is your decision. What you do is up to you and you do not have to justify what you choose to do to anyone. Now having said that...go about your own business. Your life matters more. Period. Do you. You don't have to be nasty. Remember...weak people seek revenge, strong people forgive, but smart people ignore and move on. So do yourself the service of focusing on you.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

I dont know what to feel.  I come here so people of this forum could offer me a form of guidance. I guess Im strong. and I move on, but she's like the unpaid parking ticket in the back of your head which you know you paid for

[legalboxers]

Your post title was about whether you learned your lesson or not.   This implies you have some sense of what level of engagement you feel is best for you

There can be a push pull cycle and it’s easy to be reasonable and let someone back in during a pull.  Even knowing it might blow up and push away again

Likely you want to have a sense of being reasonable.  Kind supportive person.  You may get nothing in return (or worse).  And that can be ok if it a choice you consciously make and not expecting reciprocity. 

At the higher level the push pull could be tiring.  Or the more difficult pieces of the relationship might be more than the positives you get from it. 

Many do better with a more deliberate decision.  In or out. Then act consistent to that. It can be a very hard choice

The 1 year of her moms death is on the 25th. I think after that, I can walk away. I need to erase my  mind

[SinisterComplex]

I dont know what to feel.  I come here so people of this forum could offer me a form of guidance. I guess Im strong. and I move on, but she's like the unpaid parking ticket in the back of your head which you know you paid for

LOL. Ok I have to give you a #bropound on that one. I like the humor. This is a good sign for you actually. Never lose that. If you can make light of things it makes it a lot easier to heal and to truly grow and move on. I think you have the capability to be quite strong. Your wit and humor tell me you are quite intelligent so use that intelligence to your advantage. Emotions can be ball and chain only if you allow them to be. Bottom line is...hold your head up. Value yourself more. Define your own self worth and never allow anyone else to dictate that for you but you yourself! Something else I would like to add on here to something Yeeter mentioned in a previous post that ties in here...there is a lesson of Karma in here for you. Most people get the idea of Karma wrong...it doesn't mean if you screw someone over it will come back to haunt you. Actually Karma is like a series of repeating patterns...you keep getting the same situations and results until you finally learn your lesson from those situations and patterns. Sometimes it takes a lot of pain and heartache to learn those lessons, but you have to have the fortitude to learn them so you can become the person you are supposed to be.

Cheers and best wishes to you LB!

-SC-

[legalboxers]

LOL. Ok I have to give you a #bropound on that one. I like the humor. This is a good sign for you actually. Never lose that. If you can make light of things it makes it a lot easier to heal and to truly grow and move on. I think you have the capability to be quite strong. Your wit and humor tell me you are quite intelligent so use that intelligence to your advantage. Emotions can be ball and chain only if you allow them to be. Bottom line is...hold your head up. Value yourself more. Define your own self worth and never allow anyone else to dictate that for you but you yourself! Something else I would like to add on here to something Yeeter mentioned in a previous post that ties in here...there is a lesson of Karma in here for you. Most people get the idea of Karma wrong...it doesn't mean if you screw someone over it will come back to haunt you. Actually Karma is like a series of repeating patterns...you keep getting the same situations and results until you finally learn your lesson from those situations and patterns. Sometimes it takes a lot of pain and heartache to learn those lessons, but you have to have the fortitude to learn them so you can become the person you are supposed to be.

Cheers and best wishes to you LB!

-SC-

Thats all I can call it. Its like a car accident you cant turn your head away from (I was a volly police officer for 15 yrs..you couldnt turn away, and now Im out of that line of work, I still cant turn). I think I did all I could. She interpreted my friends who called me for help as 'problems' when they were just phone calls and no more. She equated it to what she was dealing with since she was separated from her man who texted a "Wrong number" on the day she got engaged, how her man messed her up when her grandmother died, and threw me in that mix when her mom died, which will be a year on the 25th.

She contacted me a few days ago, she claimed she seen me pass her house. In actuality I did, I was helping my friend find a house/apt in the area. So was like "Oh was she a female", Im in the back of my mind "why do you care". So I was like no it was a male, and the realtor was clueless and I could of done a better job (Im a landlord/tenant paralegal by trade. Been a paralegal for 20 yrs). She was like "Oh dont move here I dont want any problems. One, how would she know even if I did move there. Would she see me.. Maybe on in a billion if Im taking my aged mom out (who is 85) other than that she wouldnt see me.

I laugh because she plays the victim the whole time with all this. I know you loved your mom and your grandmother. I get it. She tells me "no man on earth will love me like my mom and grandmother ever did". Well theres a difference between motherly and grandmotherly instinct and love opposed to your mate.  But when you go on and on like a broken record and say "I told you not to do XYZ and you do it.." and you scold them like a parent. Thats not cool.

She would be the 2nd intense relationship I had in what would be 20 yrs. My 1st was in 2002, met her in Yahoo chat back in the day when my father was dying (he died in 2002) and I was in the last throws of college, and getting crap from my professors why Im still here and doing what I need to do (I drove my mom back and forth for 120 days to the hospital until late night and I was up early morning to goto school)  Got my degree though.. Flash forward to now and Im getting drama from a bunch of people who think that people like me (sidebar - Im not white) dont belong to get ahead. So in essence. Within the gap of 20 years. I got my degree and I got crap, and now Im trying to get into law school, and Im still getting crap.

Some days I feel like Im in "Groundhog Day" with her. ½ the time I seen her I did not know what to expect. I had to drive to see her, plus tolls. I didnt have much money and I took care of my mom. Her house had 4 fur babies which took over the house and I was confined to her  3x4 room. I dont do that and cant. I spent money on hotel stays (which she complained about, even though she spent time there too), and food. It was a horror show. I was her food delivery person as well. One time her power went out in her house and I had to help her. With this pandemic I told the eletrician shes an 'essential worker' to dispatch people to fix registers at Target and Walgreens (which she did) I shelled out $400.00 to help. Overall I spent about $4000 (I loaned her $2,000 on Thanksgiving, $500 as well to fix her yard) and says I never answer the phone. Well the time you only called 1x I was in the bathroom and I dont take my phone in there because it the only place I get peace)... But I digress..

  <-x10000000 with everything. Im not asking for perfect.. just some sort of normal.This Pandemic didnt help much as well. So

[khibomsis]

legalboxers, I'm not white either  you are a good man. Your sense of decency prompts you to support her through the grieving. 
I don't understand why you do it for so little in return, though I have done the same myself. Can you at least set a boundary that allows you to sleep at night? You have achieved a lot in your life. I cannot imagine you did so without sleeping.  I suppose she  would not be amenable to grieving between 7pm and 9 pm?


 

[SinisterComplex]

So LB, so a quick hijack sidebar. Since we are in self disclosure mode...yeah I am just a boring White dude. Nothing flashy. But, it wouldn't make a difference if I were rainbow colored...I'd still be 110% ME. So in saying that...bro, you could be a smurf for all I care.You can be purple, pink, black, white, brown, yellow, or pick a color...seriously screw all that judgmental crap out there because it has zero to do with who you are as a person. Good people are good people. Period! The color of your skin, your background, etc has jack sh*t to do with whether or not you deserve to get ahead. I just had to say that. Truth be told who gives a rat's $$ what anyone else thinks. You put in the work. You achieve what you can. You get one life and you are making the most of your opportunities. Continue to do so and let no one ever look down upon you. You work hard and you deserve it because you earn it. I say damn good job achieving what you have based on its own merits. Do You amigo. Nuff said to that end!

An important thing though man...you are enabling her sh*t behavior. You are for all intents and purposes a nice guy. What sucks is that it makes you a target for crappy people...disordered and not just the same. Perhaps the most important thing I can say here...Being respected is always more important than being liked. You my friend are having your good nature taken advantage of. You are being massively disrespected. To me it makes it easy to pull the plug and tell her to go kick rocks!

Also you are trying to make sense with someone whom is nonsensical and disordered. When you look at it through that lens it should be easier to see that all you are doing is setting yourself up for failure. You sir are dynamic. Meaning you can grow and change. She is static and will remain trapped in the same patterns. Is there hope that she could change...sure. Not your responsibility though. She has to want to change. She has to want to do better. She has to suck it up and realize she has a problem. No more captain save a gardening tool for you. Value yourself. Value your time. Allow better people to find you and quit giving the time of day to people who drag you down.

Cheers and Best Wishes LB!

-SC-

[grumpydonut]

Legal,

You are being used and catering to her disorder. You mentioned a work husband, while at the moment you are the "when no one else is available" husband.

I appreciate the advice above, but I don't agree with "do with what your heart tells you". That is precisely what keeps you stuck in this cycle.

Every human is different, but the typical BPD / non Narc relationship seems to be based on trying to erase childhood wounds or catering to toxic childhood familiarity.

In your case, I agree you are a good person, but you lack sense of self worth that I can only imagine links to your childhood. You are a helper who doesn't think his needs matter. None of this is critical of you, but it is why you are so easily manipulated by a disorder (so was I, so were most of us here) that is only designed to take. I may be projecting, slightly, but you seem to have been raised with the belief that if you just give more of yourself, eventually someone will notice and care about your needs and give you the love you deserve. That's not how BPD works, but it is what makes you the perfect target.

You have the same choice now that you had when I first came across your posts. You can either be a willing participant in your own abuse - clinging to a false hope that she truly does love you and will see your point of view and care about your needs - and continue to be there for her for this traumatic life event of hers, and the next, and the next, and the next. Or you can cut her off and move on with your life, allowing yourself to mourn, heal, grow and meet someone more worthy of your love.

For insight - with my ex's previous bf, she needed him for the death of a grandma. For me, the death of a horse. All the bad behaviour was blamed on these events, also. Sadly, it appears to be the MO of a BPD. You can't (perhaps shouldn't) tell yourself "I'll just do this last thing" because that's not how their manipulation works. There. Will. Always. Be. Drama. For. You. To. Take. Care. Of.

As always, the choice is yours. But don't expect to do the same thing for different results...and, to be fair, you have been blessed with a gift that many of us didn't receive - you have the power to end it. You can leave with your head up high, rather than being completely replaced and ghosted as if you mean absolutely nothing. You have the gift of autonomy!

Much love, my friend. Hope something above helps. If not, cast it away

[legalboxers]

legalboxers, I'm not white either  you are a good man. Your sense of decency prompts you to support her through the grieving. 
I don't understand why you do it for so little in return, though I have done the same myself. Can you at least set a boundary that allows you to sleep at night? You have achieved a lot in your life. I cannot imagine you did so without sleeping.  I suppose she  would not be amenable to grieving between 7pm and 9 pm?


 

Im constantly grieving, I dont know why. She hasnt contact me since so I dont know

[legalboxers]

So LB, so a quick hijack sidebar. Since we are in self disclosure mode...yeah I am just a boring White dude. Nothing flashy. But, it wouldn't make a difference if I were rainbow colored...I'd still be 110% ME. So in saying that...bro, you could be a smurf for all I care.You can be purple, pink, black, white, brown, yellow, or pick a color...seriously screw all that judgmental crap out there because it has zero to do with who you are as a person. Good people are good people. Period! The color of your skin, your background, etc has jack sh*t to do with whether or not you deserve to get ahead. I just had to say that. Truth be told who gives a rat's $$ what anyone else thinks. You put in the work. You achieve what you can. You get one life and you are making the most of your opportunities. Continue to do so and let no one ever look down upon you. You work hard and you deserve it because you earn it. I say damn good job achieving what you have based on its own merits. Do You amigo. Nuff said to that end!

An important thing though man...you are enabling her sh*t behavior. You are for all intents and purposes a nice guy. What sucks is that it makes you a target for crappy people...disordered and not just the same. Perhaps the most important thing I can say here...Being respected is always more important than being liked. You my friend are having your good nature taken advantage of. You are being massively disrespected. To me it makes it easy to pull the plug and tell her to go kick rocks!

Also you are trying to make sense with someone whom is nonsensical and disordered. When you look at it through that lens it should be easier to see that all you are doing is setting yourself up for failure. You sir are dynamic. Meaning you can grow and change. She is static and will remain trapped in the same patterns. Is there hope that she could change...sure. Not your responsibility though. She has to want to change. She has to want to do better. She has to suck it up and realize she has a problem. No more captain save a gardening tool for you. Value yourself. Value your time. Allow better people to find you and quit giving the time of day to people who drag you down.

Cheers and Best Wishes LB!

-SC-

At my age, I always bent backwards for people. I did so much in life and got back so little. At least help someone out who made sure you were "protected" at your rallys and functions you did. All I asked for was a piece of paper, acknowledging my hard work (Im trying to get into law school). But you spit on me? Come on now. Apparently even during this pandemic since you been basically doing nothing, you could of helped someone.

[legalboxers]

Legal,

You are being used and catering to her disorder. You mentioned a work husband, while at the moment you are the "when no one else is available" husband.

I appreciate the advice above, but I don't agree with "do with what your heart tells you". That is precisely what keeps you stuck in this cycle.

Every human is different, but the typical BPD / non Narc relationship seems to be based on trying to erase childhood wounds or catering to toxic childhood familiarity.

In your case, I agree you are a good person, but you lack sense of self worth that I can only imagine links to your childhood. You are a helper who doesn't think his needs matter. None of this is critical of you, but it is why you are so easily manipulated by a disorder (so was I, so were most of us here) that is only designed to take. I may be projecting, slightly, but you seem to have been raised with the belief that if you just give more of yourself, eventually someone will notice and care about your needs and give you the love you deserve. That's not how BPD works, but it is what makes you the perfect target.

You have the same choice now that you had when I first came across your posts. You can either be a willing participant in your own abuse - clinging to a false hope that she truly does love you and will see your point of view and care about your needs - and continue to be there for her for this traumatic life event of hers, and the next, and the next, and the next. Or you can cut her off and move on with your life, allowing yourself to mourn, heal, grow and meet someone more worthy of your love.

For insight - with my ex's previous bf, she needed him for the death of a grandma. For me, the death of a horse. All the bad behaviour was blamed on these events, also. Sadly, it appears to be the MO of a BPD. You can't (perhaps shouldn't) tell yourself "I'll just do this last thing" because that's not how their manipulation works. There. Will. Always. Be. Drama. For. You. To. Take. Care. Of.

As always, the choice is yours. But don't expect to do the same thing for different results...and, to be fair, you have been blessed with a gift that many of us didn't receive - you have the power to end it. You can leave with your head up high, rather than being completely replaced and ghosted as if you mean absolutely nothing. You have the gift of autonomy!

Much love, my friend. Hope something above helps. If not, cast it away

You make a lot of sense. I told her she is the type of person who would beat a dead horse, bury it, the bring it back and beat up the bones, and bury it again, come back and beat up the "dust" of the bones, and beat it up again..

[grumpydonut]

Yes, but that is besides the point. This isn't about her. It's about you.

Trust me, I know what it's like to read something, believe it, but then make zero changes to my own mindset and not really know why.

I tell you what helps. Go find a dark room and sit with yourself. Ask yourself why you're sticking around. I can almost guarantee that the answer is that you want her to substantiate that you are actually worthy of being loved. That you are good.

It. Will. Never. Happen! There is no fairytale ending with a borderline where you sail off together happily ever after. Hanging onto that hope is what extends the abuse.

Time to start looking after you, Legal.

[legalboxers]

Yes, but that is besides the point. This isn't about her. It's about you.

Trust me, I know what it's like to read something, believe it, but then make zero changes to my own mindset and not really know why.

I tell you what helps. Go find a dark room and sit with yourself. Ask yourself why you're sticking around. I can almost guarantee that the answer is that you want her to substantiate that you are actually worthy of being loved. That you are good.

It. Will. Never. Happen! There is no fairytale ending with a borderline where you sail off together happily ever after. Hanging onto that hope is what extends the abuse.

Time to start looking after you, Legal.

funny you say dark room. I dont keep any lights on in my room past 9:00pm. Only lights which can be seen is my router lights. Sorry for the delay in replying to you and everyone else. I put notifications on as Im studying and doing stuff around the house.

[cash05458]

Legal...I will say this and it is not meant as criticism...but you need to be a bit tougher on self in terms of discipline...think back to how tough she was on you over time...sometimes it is ok to shut feelings down for yourself...caring TOO much is a dangerous thing for us...focus on law school and the future...these BPD folks count on your problems to get away with what they do...remember your basics before you met her...basics are important...all the best...