New here

[HobeSoundHopeful]

Hi all.  I'm new here.  Trying to navigate these tumultuous waters.  My Love has BPD and our relationship is on the rocks.  I have reached my breaking point.  I want to learn how to not make things worse, and how I can also live true to myself.  I am in recovery (alcoholism), and have worked very hard to overcome my codependent tendencies.  My recovery has been based on "tough love" and no BS, which is how I approach my SO (he is also in and out of The Rooms, but has now decided that AA isn't for him - even though two weeks ago he missed it).  I don't want to make things worse.  But I don't want to be an enabler.  And I am struggling finding that middle ground.  I am also struggling not taking things personally . . . this gaping wound in my heart is making it difficult to lead with love and I find myself shutting down and shutting out my SO.  His small efforts at reconciliation seem so meaningless, although I suspect those efforts feel huge on his part. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

These relationships are difficult. You’re absolutely right that it takes a fine amount of balance to not enable and not be personally impacted by BPD behaviors. Here’s an overview that might be helpful:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship