No good deed goes unpunished, getting ready to exit

[Depression = 72% of members]

I broke up with my BPD ex over last summer. I stupidly, went to see how she was doing. And she dealt with the break up very poorly and basically got into hard drugs. She kept telling me she wanted to get off them.

I felt guilty (even though i know its not my fault.) and helped her get off them. She stayed at my house for a week or so and I basically took care of her while she got off drugs. I started to feel affectionate towards her again. All the feelings started to come back. When I told her how I felt she said she does not feels the same, despite making out with me, and that she just wanted to be friends. I could not understand how someone who loved me so much could feel no romantic feelings for me. I did some research and it turned out she had long painted me black and discarded me. I told her it really hurt to have those feelings for her and she didn't really say anything. I think she just felt awkward.

So basically we went back to texting all day long how we did when we were dating. And just like back then, I'm starting to have to deal with her problems and anxiety. When I tell her about my problems I get crumbs. I'm starting to feel like an emotional tampon for lack of a better word. I try to give her help and advice, but it's like pouring water in a bucket with a hole in it. I don't know if she doesn't realize she needs help, or is too lazy to get it.

It sucks when I care about her and I miss those feelings she had for me while she goes about her life 'normally'. I'm starting to think I have codependency, because after I realized she doesn't care, I still kept interacting with her. She thinks were friends, but I wouldn't treat a friend the way she treats me. And she doesn't even realize it is the sad thing. When I think about her being with other guys, which will happen soon, it really hurts to think about.

Last night I'm 99% sure she used drugs. It was kind of the tipping point. I can't continue to care about this person if they don't care about themselves OR me. I've started to slowly pull away and give shorter texts, and send her less stuff. I've stopped viewing her social media stories which has triggered her in the past. I'm just wondering what issues this could cause. Does she care? Or will she just go onto another source of wellbeing, and block me.

Should I just tell her I'm done and rip off the bandaid. It's going to suck because I still have feelings for her, but I can't be her whipping boy anymore. Thanks for listening.

[cowsaysmoo]

I broke up with my BPD ex over last summer. I stupidly, went to see how she was doing. And she dealt with the break up very poorly and basically got into hard drugs. She kept telling me she wanted to get off them.

I felt guilty (even though i know its not my fault.) and helped her get off them. She stayed at my house for a week or so and I basically took care of her while she got off drugs. I started to feel affectionate towards her again. All the feelings started to come back. When I told her how I felt she said she does not feels the same, despite making out with me, and that she just wanted to be friends. I could not understand how someone who loved me so much could feel no romantic feelings for me. I did some research and it turned out she had long painted me black and discarded me. I told her it really hurt to have those feelings for her and she didn't really say anything. I think she just felt awkward.

So basically we went back to texting all day long how we did when we were dating. And just like back then, I'm starting to have to deal with her problems and anxiety. When I tell her about my problems I get crumbs. I'm starting to feel like an emotional tampon for lack of a better word. I try to give her help and advice, but it's like pouring water in a bucket with a hole in it. I don't know if she doesn't realize she needs help, or is too lazy to get it.

It sucks when I care about her and I miss those feelings she had for me while she goes about her life 'normally'. I'm starting to think I have codependency, because after I realized she doesn't care, I still kept interacting with her. She thinks were friends, but I wouldn't treat a friend the way she treats me. And she doesn't even realize it is the sad thing. When I think about her being with other guys, which will happen soon, it really hurts to think about.

Last night I'm 99% sure she used drugs. It was kind of the tipping point. I can't continue to care about this person if they don't care about themselves OR me. I've started to slowly pull away and give shorter texts, and send her less stuff. I've stopped viewing her social media stories which has triggered her in the past. I'm just wondering what issues this could cause. Does she care? Or will she just go onto another source of wellbeing, and block me.

Should I just tell her I'm done and rip off the bandaid. It's going to suck because I still have feelings for her, but I can't be her whipping boy anymore. Thanks for listening.

[Cromwell]

Hi and welcome here

what you are going through, I could have wrote myself, now nearly half a decade back. Its rekindled some memories.

Dig more deep into your feelings which you have already done. The complexity starts by mind-reading the other and trying to figure out "does she care"? so many of us have googled or searched for the unanswerables a typical one is "can someone with bpd love" and so on.

Who knows how it will go, there is a chance of distancing yourself from her will make her seem to "care" more by not letting you go, and its up to you how to read that situation, or "feel" it, I should emphasise. Yes I had also strong feelings, when things go well they seemed an advantage - when they dont, well...

this is the weighing up moments. drug addictions and personality disorders, they probably take a lot more than a week of hard work to cure and make better.  It sounds like you are appraising and accounting the relationship and predicting a not favourable outcome. Hold that thought, it did not appear without good reason. Many of us as is natural, get swayed by the emotions, the seduction, so on. I had also, but indecisive, then it turned into years, and by the time I did "damage limitation", more damage and hurt I had to experience (whatever has happened up to now, can get - worse). It is a game of sorts in the real of risk. maybe more like gambling with only luck once it gets to a certain stage of successive problems and upsets. The losses get more and "cutting the losses" became even more difficult. Telling you to "tell her your done" is not the way, just like telling an alcoholic they have to cut the drink out. This change is something you will do when you want to for your own good and if you want to continue with it, thats entirely up to you, no-one else reaps the benefits or the losses.

[jazz guitar]

The I am going no contact message will just lead to a thousand more circular conversations.  Just walk away, ignore, go NC.  Sorry to be blunt but you really don't want or need this in your life.  Forward to a healthy future.