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Topic: New here and wanted to introduce myself (Read 397 times)
thecrusader
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Serious Dating
Posts: 18
New here and wanted to introduce myself
«
on:
March 10, 2021, 04:58:56 PM »
Hello BPD Family - I'm a new member and I wanted to introduce myself. I am a guy in a long distance relationship with a woman. She comes to stay with me about once every 10 days for 5 days at a time. We met through work.
We had a rocky start in about November 2018. I met her on a business trip. We had immediate chemistry and great fun together, though nothing sexual happened. She lives about 400 miles away, so I didn't think anything could come of it. I was actively enjoying the dating scene and bleeding into 2019 she was very persistent and flirty with emailing. I saw her again in February of 2019 and the intensity grew substantially but I was dating someone else at the time. Her emailing grew more intense, emotional and romantic. I admit I felt it, too. The girl I was dating was not significant, but I didn't want to cheat, so I told my BPD pen pal we need to back off.
Fast forward to January 2020... I had broken up with my ex several months earlier and I wanted to give the long distance thing a try so I contacted BPD. To put it mildly 2020 was massive roller coaster ride of the most intensely beautiful love affair I have ever known and the most devastatingly hurtful and painful fighting I have ever been involved with.
I regularly see a traditional therapist (at this point about twice a year to check in) and I have a spiritual coach I see about once every other month. Both of them during 2020 told me it sounds like she has BPD. In November of last year I finally read my first BPD book and I have read two others since then. They have actually helped me deal much better, but there is a repeating pattern that after every time she's here and we are on a very high high, she goes home and within a day or two she unloads on me. I call it her being in "The Zone." Usually, she will be with some friends who will pick at an old "scab" and she will find a way to associate it with me - even if it has nothing to do with me - and she will viciously attack me.
Of course, I could go into a million details, but I'll stop here for now. She definitely has about 7-8 of the BPD symptoms from these books and I know she has it at least to some degree - she is "unconventional" though she realizes she has serious psychological issues from her childhood and she did just start seeing a therapist, but haven't come to BPD yet. She also does read some books to help herself and I have to give her credit that she really does try to get a handle on her anger and she seems to have made some progress (for example, after our last blow-up fight, she called the next morning and said "I'm sorry." This was HUGE for her).
Anyway, I really do love her, but of course love isn't always enough. I have debated many times (and so has she of course) ending the relationship. It probably sounds cliche'd but she does have such a loving heart and tries so hard when she's not in The Zone. So...
Just joining here and looking to gain some support and insight and hopefully provide some as well.
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once removed
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12628
Re: New here and wanted to introduce myself
«
Reply #1 on:
March 11, 2021, 01:15:43 AM »
make no mistake: bpd or not, the long distance is definitely a factor, as is your previous hesitance.
Excerpt
Of course, I could go into a million details, but I'll stop here for now
dont. i would, respectfully, encourage you to share much more. the nature of your relationship online vs in person is vital.
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