Roller coaster ride

[Hope...]

Hello
It has been a while since I have been on here. I lost my password and I am asking for help. MY daughter is still a daily challenge. I have three grandchildren, my daughter still uses them to trigger me. Im being real. I love the kids. I love my daughter. She is so standoffish with me. I was/we were I thought doing well. I had the kids whenever she wanted. She went through a divorce and the kids were with me alot. Then one thing I do that she doesn't like and im this terrible person and no calls no visits..
. I have been a single grandmother/12 yrs single mom22. Ive been there by  for her and i love her so much. I try to live  by the karpman triangle but struggle. I am working on trying to be more understanding.
Perhaps I need to just keep changing and be there when she needs. She is an adult now and the kids love to visit.
Not sure what im doing wrong or perhaps im just needing to vent.
Help!
Hope

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[old97]

"Roller coaster ride" ought to be the sub-title of this entire site.

Things look like they're improving for a few weeks or even months, then the wheels go flying off again. You're the world's greatest mom/dad/step-parent/grandparent one minute, then Atilla the Caregiver the next.

Self-care is so important, but it's A LOT easier to say than it is to do. Talking to a therapist who's familiar with BPD has been a big help for us. Reading - books, articles on this site, posts on this board - has helped as well. It's a little easier for my partner and me to accept that it's not really personal. We (mostly "Sue", my partner) are the closest targets of opportunity for Sue's BPD daughter.

Venting is important, and this board is the best place to do it. Everyone here has been through some form of what you're experiencing now. No one is judging. Many want to help.

It sounds trite, but BPD is a tough one. The behaviors associated with it are so hurtful to the caregivers. It's not fair at all. But if you're acting out of love, you're doing the best you can. Some outside input, from a therapist, a book/article, or others here, can help you get some perspective and give you some tool or strategies to help you better cope.

Take care of yourself. It will put you in a better place to care for your daughter.

[Hope...]

Hello
Thank you so much for the reply. I have read books  Stop walking on eggshells.."and watched videos (:
I used to come on here and today felt I needed to be around people that are experiencing the same "roller coaster ride" It did make me feel better to vent. Thanks.. I can never stop loving and learning not to react like i used to take it personal.. I needed to hear that.
Bless u and yours
Hope

[BlueLilly]

Hi Hope, I think we've all used the roller coster analogy but it occurred to me the other day when I was talking to my therapist that I don't know if being up or down is  the good part of the roller coaster! I just wanna be on a nice log ride!

I'm sorry you are struggling and wish we all had magic wands. I try to remember that nothing ever stays the same, this situation will change and change again.

Sending you virtual hugs.