Revealed a lot to my boss

[truthdevotee]

I was late for a meeting with my boss.

I was feeling overwhelmed as I was waiting for my wife to arrive to look after my son.

I ended up telling pretty much everything to my boss regarding the relationship with my wife, the dynamic, my wife's emotional maturity... Everything...

I'm scared because my W threatened me not to do this...

But i did it and i revealed the truth to protect my job...

I mentioned personal details about my W such as the trauma caused by her mum's death.

Everything was respectful but I revealed a lot of truth from my perspective.

My W will ask me what I said to my boss... She will bombard me... What can I do, to not lie?

I think I should not tell my W the truth about everything i said, it will cause hell and chaos for my children... =(

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

The boundary between work and home goes both ways. One can disclose general things - as appropriate but not TMI. You do not have to reveal all that goes on at you job to your wife and vic versa.

It's better to hold the boundary of generalities than to back track on a lie. Your wife doesn't have the right to push you for details of what you say to your boss and vice versa- your boss isn't entitled to know the details of your marriage.

So your wife pushes you- the response can be " we spoke about work related material" - as the main reason for speaking was to salvage your job. What impact your job is work related material.

Ultimately saving your job means being able to do the job. For an employer, they want the job done and that is what they are paying you for. Yes, it's good to have a compassionate boss who understands their employees are human and gives them some credit, but ultimately they want the job done.

In order for you to be a reliable employee- you need reliable child care. If you depend on your wife to watch the children, then you are giving her control over your job. If she suspects you are speaking about her to your boss, then this is a potential Karpman triangle. You need firm boundaries between your work and your marriage to protect your job.

[truthdevotee]

Thanks Notwendy...

I really need to sort out the childcare. After Easter there is space in private school. My wife so far said she won't take him or collect him. I'll see closer to the time what actually happens. I might need to organise an additional person to take him and collect him.

[truthdevotee]

In order for you to be a reliable employee- you need reliable child care. If you depend on your wife to watch the children, then you are giving her control over your job. If she suspects you are speaking about her to your boss, then this is a potential Karpman triangle. You need firm boundaries between your work and your marriage to protect your job.

I knew this, but you have written it so succinctly here and I realize it on a deeper level.
The children is really where I'm stuck. She has the leverage to control and manipulate and cause tremendous chaos for me (if I allow it, internally - sometimes I'm so exhausted that it "gets to me")... if I didn't have the kids in the middle, my choice would be so simple.

I really hope the private kindergarten will work out. I'm sure it will. After Easter, COVID-19 lockdown should also be reduced, so that my older son (3 years old) can return to his school... I need to stay strong.

I probably over revealed to my boss. I also informed her about my psychiatric care. She's highly respectful and caring. I probably wouldn't have revealed so much, but I have to understand how much pressure all this is... at least with the background knowledge, she will understand and I definitely feel the steps I took today helped to keep my job safe. I feel somewhat guilty because my wife is so strong on not revealing anything.  But it's such a tricky situation.