Breaking up

[LaCascade]

Hello,
I just read your article about breaking up with someone who suffers from BPD. Of course it is absolutely frighteningly accurate. It was really helpful to make clear what has been in my mind which I was struggling to accept because I feel so stupid. I kept believing. I have been behaving in most of the ways described in your article. We are in the stage of M moving into another room. After 10 years together, 7 years of him having chronic fatigue syndrome he is "realising it is because he is afraid of "me". He can articulate that it isn't "me", that he has had a lifetime of being hypersensitive to people, facial expressions and has had a relationship problems his whole life. He just cut off his mother and brother, telling them he hates them. He blames his mother for his psycholgical problems and the fact that he can't manage in relationships. He has a daughter whom he tries to protect from any of his issues, she lives with her mother. I realise now that I am much worse psychologically than I thought I was. I think I was dissociating and immobilised by fear. I have stayed through domestic abuse-physical and verbal. I stopped asking myself why I was staying, I shut myself down. I have re-started speaking to a therapist and have started taking care of myself again and building up a new support network. We have touched on breaking up on and off recently but it never goes very well. Basically we are just being civil with one another and keeping some distance. To be continued I guess... Thank you anyone for listening.

[Lucky Jim]

I have stayed through domestic abuse-physical and verbal.

Hey LaCascade, Welcome!  Most of us stayed far longer than was healthy, so don't beat yourself up.  Abuse is unacceptable, and you are doing the right thing by making a change.  I suggest you put yourself and your needs first.  It seems like you are finding your path again.  Fill us in more, when you get a chance.

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi LaCascade,



I’d like to join Lucky Jim and welcome you to BPDFamily. I’m glad that you decided join us, you’re not alone. As I was reading your post it made me remember how I felt exactly the way you did.

Don’t be hard on yourself. We can’t beat ourselves up for things that have happened in the past.

I stopped asking myself why I was staying, I shut myself down. I have re-started speaking to a therapist and have started taking care of myself again and building up a new support network.

There’s probably a lot of things that have accumulated over the years and it may be that it’s getting harder to ignore your intuition.

You’re doing the right things and I’d like to add that you decided to join a support network. You’re getting things in place that will slowly help you move into an area that’s better for you mentally and emotionally.

Do you have kids together?