How do I handle a bpd 16 year old son who refuses to do school work?

[Mom44!]

I have a bpd son who refuses to attend online school or do his online homework. He has good grades on the tiny amount of work he completes but becomes angry and hostile when we try to get him to do work. Insists that he's not well enough mentally to complete it. I'm about to lose my mind. Just let him fail? Tired of the screaming.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

This is really, really tough. What sort of online course is he doing? I mean is he enrolled as an online student with a school? I assume it must be something like that as you mention his work has been graded.

If so, are you able to talk to his teacher about what is happening? On one level I can understand what your son is saying: schoolwork requires a lot of mental effort and if your mind space is not good that effort can be too much.

Often once you get started though, it is easier to keep going.

Is your son on any medication or having any counselling?

I suppose you have tried everything so suggestions probably not that helpful. If there was someone else involved that could work with him on a timetable - ie you being able to step back a bit?
Would it help to go somewhere else to do the work eg a library? He could go there - good environment with others reading or online - for a couple of hours to start with and then meet up with you for lunch?

I really feel for you in this situation.