Bad feeelings...

[JD2028]

I had a bad feeling last Friday night, and I have a bad feeling tonight. I can't define it. And it doesn't matter that last Friday was uneventful. My stomach is in knots. I don;t know if she can do worse than my imagination. I think it's a way to desesitize myself. God help me

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Waiting for the other shoe to drop is excruciating. It's hard to enjoy the peaceful times when there's a sense that more overwhelming crises could be just around the corner.
I know what you mean about desensitizing yourself. For a few years I thought we were finally past the kids demanding to go back to their mom's house on our weekends. Nope, that started popping back up last winter. But it's unpredictable. So sometimes I just start to prep myself ahead of time that maybe this is yet another weekend of traumatic demands.
It was the worst a couple weeks ago when we made it to Sunday afternoon and that's when SD13 lost it. It was like, we were on the home stretch, and I was not prepared for this.
If the chaos were predictable and on a schedule, it might be easier. Then at least we could be doing something else at the time.
How do you do self care when you feel this way?
I post here, or watch dumb stuff on YouTube, or weed the garden, or have a stiff drink or two
Sometimes I just leave the kids with DH and take a loonngggg (like multiple hours) walk.

[kells76]

And as I reread your post, I wonder if your body knows something about "weekends" and what happens with your D on weekends. No school just loads of free time for her, yes? Maybe something about that unstructured / unboundaried time feels dangerous to you? Maybe other traumatic things have happened on weekends or during "free time"? Just a theory.
For me it's winters. Highly traumatic stuff would happen with regularity once a year in Jan/Feb for like the last 6 years. I think out bodies know.

[BlueLilly]

When I have that kind of anxiety, I try to do something that has a physical compenent to it, like cleaning out the garage or organizing the junk drawer. It gives me a feeling of control and success but also helps my body use up the extra energy that the anxiety creates.

I also sometimes have to think about the worst thing possible and try to work on my radical acceptance and/or write out what it is that could happen and what I could do about it. Sometimes it helps to have a plan or to realize you seriously have no control over that person.

Hoping for the best for you and all of us!

[beatricex]

Hi JD2028,
My mom is BPD'd and I have struggled with this most of my life.  I was the kid in school that all the teachers loved (teacher's pet), I had friends.  I absoltuely dreaded the weekends and summer because I would be at Home, with the dysfunction.

I guess it's a symptom of the issue we have, dealing with the dysfunctional person.  This anxiety is real very real.  I get it

 

Just this past weekend, my husband and I had a 4 day weekend.  As the weekend neared it's ending, Sunday night, I started having really bad anxiety for no reason.

It crops up for me at very weird times.

I am hoping with NC it will get better.  I know with kids that's hard to do.  I get it.
b

[JD2028]

I wonder if your body knows something about "weekends" and what happens with your D on weekends. No school just loads of free time for her, yes? Maybe something about that unstructured / unboundaried time feels dangerous to you?

That is excellent insight. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, I didn't get any notifications. Weekends are worse because of lack of structure, for sure. This past week was compounded by her getting her period. She is especially volatile at this part of her cycle. We're gonna try birth control soon

[JD2028]

When I have that kind of anxiety, I try to do something that has a physical compenent to it, like cleaning out the garage or organizing the junk drawer. It gives me a feeling of control and success but also helps my body use up the extra energy that the anxiety creates.

I've taken up pacing and push ups . It's working