Thinking of Everyone Having a Tough Time on Mother's Day

[Clouds46]

Just wanted to share my thoughts and solidarity with any of you out there for whom Mother's Day is a hard day. 

For most of my life I went into every Mother's Day with my uBPD mother feeling overwhelming anxiety, fear, and dread because of how she acted.

Now that she's no longer in my life I am left grateful to not have to go through that anymore, but also sad and reflective of all the wild and terrible things that have happened, and really just feeling the absence of having a mother with whom I could ever have a remotely normal and happy Mother's Day.

For anyone going through this too, you are not alone...

[zachira]

Thank you for your thoughfulness in supporting all of us who feel sad about never having had the kind of mother every child deserves no matter how old they are. The holidays can be painful when we are expected to be celebrating joyously with a wonderful family.  

[Onyx22]

Thanks for this post
Over the weekend I kept hearing messages of "Say thanks for all she's done for you!" ... Even in a show I'm watching there was a "But they're your parent, just call them!" Kinda stuff, ugh.

It got me thinking about the good things my mother has done, and things she's done with positive intentions. It hurts to think about the person she can be sometimes.
I've had to remind myself that that person only has conditional love for me, no matter how it looks when things are going well. No matter what my siblings see in her.
I can't change the way things are. She won't take responsibility for her disproportionate reactions or stop requiring control. Having proof of that isn't always enough for me though. Hearing all those mother's day messages still make me feel like I'm overreacting.

It helps a lot having this community that gets it 

[Need2Heal]

I just found this site today and I have always felt this and felt so alone.  I'm not happy that any of us have to experience this, but it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.  I too see all the "so grateful for my mom", "a mom is a blessing" etc etc.  I read it and feel disgust, sadness.  On no level do I have those feelings for mine.  I take comfort in knowing however, that I have a 6 year old daughter that I get to spend time with on Mother's day and I always thank her for making me a mommy and what a true gift she is.