Duped_312
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 26
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« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2021, 06:29:52 PM » |
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My situations a little different, but... I knew I had to cut things off when my ex fiancé crashed the second car in a year that I had given him for free, or paid for myself. I knew I had to cut things off when he was in a post seizure state and put his hand around my throat and engaged in a terrible struggle with me while our two babies gratefully slept in the next room. I knew I had to cut things off when, through much reading and research at night, realized he had BPD and this was truly a disorder and would likely never improve. I knew I had to cut things off when, after realizing the BPD, I began to see how much worse it was going to get; how much MORE isolated he was going to try and make me, how close I was to taking on an 18,000$ loan that originally for us to get into a really nice rental house, but that he convinced me to use for dental work for him; how stupid I had become, how dangerous I had made life for my babies, how terribly I felt for turning against my sweet parents bc he had managed to pit me against them. Once it all hit, it hit really hard, and fast and I knew, its time. It sounds like youve already gone through something like this or already split up, but Im fresh out, so this is sort of where it is for me.
Since we have children, it is very hard to "cut things off" per say. In a perfect world I wish I never saw or heard from him again to be honest with you. I wish him and that sh*t family of his would just disappear into the abyss and never show up anywhere near me forever. But legally, he has a right to see his children, even though all he does is have children with women and then basically become the worst biggest dead beat. He doesnt see them. I let him stay around bc I legally have to and dont want any trouble. He doesn't bother me talking-wise, like he doesn't call me over and over, or crazily text me. He will pop in once a week to repeat the same few whiny phrases, looking for me to drop everything and get back together-- But I just back him into a corner, and then he disappears for another peaceful week. He has no car, no job, has seizures, has legal and financial problems up the a**, and is on unemployment. For reference 12 months ago he was making $70,000 a year, doing amazing work, we had a new baby, a new house, and were about to start saving for something big. Within a year, he threw every single thing into the trash. He needs to check into a facility and get on short term disability for awhile. He is by no means "ready willing and able" to work. His mother and father are the cause of his problems, his father committed suicide when he was young and his mother is a piece of sh*t. I can't stand her. She is unfortunately the only one "helping" him right now, and by "helping him" I mean, shooting down any possibility of BPD, not being honest about her contributions to his sh*tty life, not giving him the emotional closure he really needs, not accepting harsh truths about her son's actual life (gambling, substance use, stealing, lies, money, legal problems). She thinks bc "he didn't tell her that" , it didnt really happen. I particularly knew I had to cut things off once I realized she was the root of the problems, and that she was going nowhere up, and therefore neither would he. Everyone in that family is sick, and when everyone is sick, no one is. I cut things off when I realized that.
I cut things off once I realized the babies could have been up when he attacked me while holding one of them. I realized that we could have been in the car any of the two times he went into a pyschotic break and crashed with all of us in it. I don't regret getting out one iota. I am grateful he doesn't bother me like some seem to do to others on here. He knows better. The other day he posted on FB some psychopath stuff with his bloody fingers from playing the piano for so long? Like.. effing freak. Someone obviously told him to take that crap down immediately bc within 1 minute it was gone. He is incredibly lost and alone. I feel horribly and guilty and responsible. It keeps me up at night. It destroys me from the inside out. But I also feel free and relieved and like I am survivor and have an actual chance at life now. I knew I had to cut things off when it all became so obviously clear how much better off I am without him, guilty or not. I clearly don't know your situation entirely, but it sounds incredibly heavy on you, annoying, and bothersome, and a very obvious imposition of control. Every time you answer that phone or text or whatever, he got you. And like a duck being fed bread, he continues to learn that you will answer/feed him. It wouldn't take long for him to figure out the opposite, if you were to hold strong to a boundary of no-contact. If he did do something insane as a reaction, you are not responsible. These people have done a really good job of making us feel solely responsible for their transgressions. I still struggle with it, believe me. I still answer his texts, when I don't want to. Its attention whether its good or bad. And believe me my attention is all bad. All I do is berate him, more for myself and my own venting purposes than to actually hurt him, bc I know Im not actually hurting him. There's nothing there to hurt anymore. Contact with me is not worth his while so thats why he is not annoying with me. If he feels like getting verbally abused for 45 min, he can text me, but he doesn't bc he knows that's not what he's after. He's after coddling, and I do not provide it.
I hope you find the strength to "cut things off". They are bottomless-emotion-leeches. It will never be enough and it will go on forever. If you want be successful in future relationships, which I'm sure is already hard enough (I can't even think about it myself), he has to go I think. <3
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