I'm not sure what going on or how to act | Need support please

[RedBeard93]

Hello all,

This is my first post and I'm looking for some guidance.

So on Friday the 16th after around two weeks of my partner heading into crisis and wanting space to herself, she went out to the pub with some work friends. I offered to take her to work in our shared car and pick her up afterwards but she refused. She said that she probably wasn't going to go. Anyway come 5 pm I send a text to check in and she's at the pub but says she's not going to drink. She ends up calling me at 10:30 pm saying she's broke down and the tyres flat. I get an uber to her and it's very clear she attempted to drink-drive and damaged the tyre.

The next morning I wake up to go on my run and I leave a note on her bedside table just asking for an open and honest chat ( her drinking to cope has been getting really bad and putting herself in danger scared me). Anyway I go for my run I come back and shes gone. Theres a note on the kitchen side that reads "I'm Sorry" and her engagement ring is beside it. We literally had our engagement party a few weeks before this happened so I was devastated.

She stayed at her mum's for the night and ( which is honestly about 8 doors down the road) and said she would text me the next day.

The next day comes and she texts saying she's coming over to grab some things. Her mums at the house and comforts me and I leave them to it, expecting all her stuff to be gone.

I come back and hardly anything has been removed, and even more surprisingly her cats are still here and she uses them as therapy animals. They're normally her top priority and recently she noticed that she hasn't been feeding them (I've been looking after them) and this has upset her also. She says that shes spending time getting better to make sure this is the decision she wants and if she feels better with this decision.

Anyway, I go no contact from Sunday 18th to Wednesday when she contacts me asking 1)if her work ipad's been delivered and 2) if she can borrow some money from our joint account for a work night out and pay it back in on payday. Im not proud of it but I did bring up our relationship in these texts and bombarded her wanting to talk and saying I love her etc.

She says this "I've told you before, I need to be well to make sure this is the right decision if that's what you want to cling onto".

So I message her mum (who is massive support for us both) and she basically says that my partner has asked for space, quiet, no stress, no questions and time to think. She said I know that's hard but we have to try and let that happen for now and see how it goes. She then says shes always here whatever I need.

From Wednesday I then go no contact until today (Sunday 25th) purely because a letter came at the same time as the Ipad and it's from her GP and mental health team and one of the major stresses in my partner's life currently is trying to get back into therapy after being messed around so many times. So after thinking over it for ages, I decided to send a brief message of "Hello, really hope you're doing okay, just wanted to let you know this letter came blah blah blah" She replied by saying "Thanks, ill pop by later to pick them up".

So with that, she never came round. I'm not really bothered she didn't, although after not seeing her for over a week now it would have been nice. But I just don't get it, she just doesn't seem to be bothered or even want to interact. I think it may be a major split on me but I don't know.

I'm just not sure what to do. There's no timeline and I'm surrounded by our stuff in our house we love, looking after the cats. We were meant to go on holiday with her family at the end of this week coming and I was so looking forward to a break with her and a week ago she was as well! Explaining how we would spend next weekend together before joining up with her family.

I wanted to marry this person and that hasn't changed for me. But when she goes and leave the relationship I can't be there to support her. I know it's not all the BPD and I need to take responsibility as well because after all, a relationship takes two. I just don't know where to go from here.

It's been 8 days since I last saw her and its felt like a lifetime. I don't know if I can manage a month or longer. She needs to communicate with me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hey RedBeard93, welcome. So glad you decided to reach out and get support. I hear the pain and loss coming through -- anyone would feel the same way in your situation.

Has she done anything like this before -- "disappearing" and basically leaving everything behind? Either with you, or with anyone else? If so, how did that go, i.e., what was the timeline, who said what when, etc?

Or, is this the first time she's done something like this?

Also, tell me more about your thoughts that she may have BPD or BPD traits. You definitely came here for a reason... what have you noticed from her that sent you here?

I want to say that your situation doesn't necessarily give me the vibes of "it's definitely over" or "it's totally impossible to fix". There are definitely communication tools and skills you can learn here, that, while maybe nonintuitive, can change the dynamics between you and her, and trend your relationship in a healthier direction. So, your situation isn't hopeless.

While my situation is a little different (it's my husband's kids' mom with BPD traits), I just wanted you to know that people are here and listening and seeing you. There are members who are WAY more experienced with your type of situation, who I'm sure will be here soon to offer feedback and support.

Again, welcome;

kells76

[Rev]

Hey there Red,

I too just wanted to say welcome. You've got of to a great start with Kells.

I'll wait before saying anything else - except to you this is a really unique and excellent place.

Be well. Stay safe. Have faith in yourself and the talents you will find as your reach out.

Rev

[RedBeard93]

Hello,

Firstly thank you both for the warm welcome.

Me and my partner have been together for 2.5 years now and it's safe to say its been rocky. I try my best to read up on BPD and tools but sometimes I make mistakes and my partner will sometimes express anger that she tells me to my face what she needs to help her and then I don't do it when she needs it (I may fail to spot the signs - I cant be on the ball all the time).

So  shes never "disappeared" before. She's got angry and driven off and then come back an hour later, nothing in terms of relationship ending stuff.

Last year in September there was a similar incident before we were engaged that she broke up with me. It lasted around 6 days but in that time we still lived together albeit slept in separate rooms. It was in that time that I read up practised some techniques and tried to talk to her when she was in the house (I picked moments carefully).

This time does just feel different. So we moved back to be closer to both our parents as after the previous break up she then had a worse episode that resulted in self-harm. We lived out in the middle of nowhere and had no support so it was a good idea to move back towards home.

I'll admit I do suffer from codependency and I'm currently seeking out therapy for it. I started to get really insecure about a few things and would often ask my partner for "chats" on how I'm feeling. She then after a while felt like she was doing nothing right and hated me bringing up "chats" with her. This however put me in an even worse position as when I wanted to chat with her about her feelings it was almost seen as another serious chat and I think we got lost in that cycle.

The few days leading up to the break-up were looking positive. She was thankful I managed to get her fast-tracked back into therapy with the NHS here in the UK and she was reading the BPD books I'd brought for myself. She seemed calm, but would still drink two bottles of wine a night to cope with her feeling "numb" which she says is her in or going into a crisis where she just wants to spiral and self destruct.

She has been diagnosed with BPD at 16 I believe and she is now almost 25. She expressed that she feels like she's trying to deal with her emotions as well as mine and it's too much. She also recently said after the break-up that she is feeling overwhelmed by everything and just wants to be able to do things without reporting in or having "chats" or asking permission.

I've had a think around this and read up a few things and I think through my fear of her hurting herself, my anxiety and fear may have led to me being more of a parent to her than a supportive partner. I know that she is able to make her own decisions and I should just be there to support when they go right or wrong. However, when she chose to drink drive I get like we needed a chat the following day just to understand where she was at and the severity. She had used my breakdown app to call for assistance but if they had got to her when she was on her own they would have called the police and she would have lost her licence and her job. So on that evening when  I got there I cancelled the recovery and just took her home in a uber. She sorted the car the next day.

I think part of the reason why I'm so upset is because I'm codependent but also because there's no clear answer or timeline from her end. There's just zero communication right now and I can't see that changing until she wants it to.

[RedBeard93]

This is just so hard at the moment and I honestly don't know what to do or what action to take next. Just totally left in the dark right now

[Rev]

Hello,

Firstly thank you both for the warm welcome.

Me and my partner have been together for 2.5 years now and it's safe to say its been rocky. I try my best to read up on BPD and tools but sometimes I make mistakes and my partner will sometimes express anger that she tells me to my face what she needs to help her and then I don't do it when she needs it (I may fail to spot the signs - I cant be on the ball all the time).

So  shes never "disappeared" before. She's got angry and driven off and then come back an hour later, nothing in terms of relationship ending stuff.

Last year in September there was a similar incident before we were engaged that she broke up with me. It lasted around 6 days but in that time we still lived together albeit slept in separate rooms. It was in that time that I read up practised some techniques and tried to talk to her when she was in the house (I picked moments carefully).

This time does just feel different. So we moved back to be closer to both our parents as after the previous break up she then had a worse episode that resulted in self-harm. We lived out in the middle of nowhere and had no support so it was a good idea to move back towards home.

I'll admit I do suffer from codependency and I'm currently seeking out therapy for it. I started to get really insecure about a few things and would often ask my partner for "chats" on how I'm feeling. She then after a while felt like she was doing nothing right and hated me bringing up "chats" with her. This however put me in an even worse position as when I wanted to chat with her about her feelings it was almost seen as another serious chat and I think we got lost in that cycle.

The few days leading up to the break-up were looking positive. She was thankful I managed to get her fast-tracked back into therapy with the NHS here in the UK and she was reading the BPD books I'd brought for myself. She seemed calm, but would still drink two bottles of wine a night to cope with her feeling "numb" which she says is her in or going into a crisis where she just wants to spiral and self destruct.

She has been diagnosed with BPD at 16 I believe and she is now almost 25. She expressed that she feels like she's trying to deal with her emotions as well as mine and it's too much. She also recently said after the break-up that she is feeling overwhelmed by everything and just wants to be able to do things without reporting in or having "chats" or asking permission.

I've had a think around this and read up a few things and I think through my fear of her hurting herself, my anxiety and fear may have led to me being more of a parent to her than a supportive partner. I know that she is able to make her own decisions and I should just be there to support when they go right or wrong. However, when she chose to drink drive I get like we needed a chat the following day just to understand where she was at and the severity. She had used my breakdown app to call for assistance but if they had got to her when she was on her own they would have called the police and she would have lost her licence and her job. So on that evening when  I got there I cancelled the recovery and just took her home in a uber. She sorted the car the next day.

I think part of the reason why I'm so upset is because I'm codependent but also because there's no clear answer or timeline from her end. There's just zero communication right now and I can't see that changing until she wants it to.

Hey Red,

I've read this post a couple of times to get a sense of the rhythm of it all. That's really what's most important. By rhythm, I mean is she spiraling up or down?  The minute details are less important where you yourself are concerned. If you focus too much on that, you'll drive yourself nuts.

With BPD, her behaviors are not so much what to look for in terms of understanding her - because those will shift depending on what she is feeling. That's why it's really important to lay down your own boundaries. Those are the only cues that she will pick up on. Be aware tho, that generally speaking, people with BPD react very poorly to boundaries being laid down. "Controlling" is a word that my ex used often. It appears I am not alone.

The other thing that jumps out at me is your comment about "not being able to always be on the ball".  I suggest you continue with your T to work through your co-dependent patterns. You'll see that you'll understand how much pressure you're putting on yourself with this statement. We've all had to face the same things you are going through. My GOD was I co-dependent in this last relationship.

The last thing is the comment of "never disappeared before". My intuition tells me that she's not changed her mind about something so much as her ability to regulate her emotions is getting weaker. She's spiraling down, not up. Fleeing is a common coping mechanism for people with personality disorders. What pwBPD fear the most is being abandoned and they will in fact twist just about anything someone says to prove to themselves that they need protection, especially when they become flooded.

You are here on the Bettering Board, so I am going to stop there. Because you are wanting to improve this relationship.  

My suggestion, as I said before: Continue to work on your co-dependence and your ability to lay boundaries. Once you get to clearer place, you can re-evaluate where you are. Until then, I fear that you will continue to spiral in the drama of it all and lose yourself. Does that resonate with you?

Hope this helps a bit.

Stay safe. Hang in there.

Rev

[Rev]

The last thing is the comment of "never disappeared before". My intuition tells me that she's not changed her mind about something so much as her ability to regulate her emotions is getting weaker. She's spiraling down, not up. Fleeing is a common coping mechanism for people with personality disorders. What pwBPD fear the most is being abandoned and they will in fact twist just about anything someone says to prove to themselves that they need protection, especially when they become flooded.

Was just re-reading this and it seems I have misunderstood what you were saying. You were saying that in your relationship, she's never disappeared, but that there was a six day period where you lived in separate parts of the house. You also said that now things feel different.  So that's not as drastic as disappearing, but it's still what's known as a "cut off".

Which now begs the question.

What is it exactly that feels different?  Is it something in you?  Is it something between the two of you?  Is it something that you think you sense in her? 

Hope this helps.

Rev

[RedBeard93]

Hi Rev,

So this time she has actually gone to stay at her parents down the road and there's been absolutely no contact and I haven't seen her in a week and a half now since she left the engagement ring on the side.

Last time we were very much in the house together, talking and I was doing little things here and there to show affection (in tiny ways making her a coffee without her asking, asking how her day was etc).

I just feel like this time she's completely cut off. Don't get me wrong she was very cold last time but this time just seems like she's totally not bothered about anything, almost out of sight out of mind.

Her mother and I are in contact and we had a phone call today. She has said how she set some ground rules for my fiance to be at home (taking her meds, less drinking, actively seeking help). Apparently, she's been doing okay, going to bed early, going to work on time etc. She has however not been very talkative. Her mum said to me that even though she has a mental health condition a relationship is two ways and its no excuse for reckless behaviour (drink driving) or being cruel and just giving up on things in life (leaving the engagement ring with a "sorry" note). Shes been reinforcing the fact that lifes just tough sometimes and although it seems even tougher due to her BPD she cant let it get the better of her and needs to take responsibility to get better in the right way.

Finally she said that she's told my partner on two occasions now that she has to sit down and have a conversation with me and if needed set timelines with me. She given an expectation that she does this, this week before her family heads off on a two week holiday that I and my partner were meant to join them on. Her mum did say though that shes not sure if my partner was coming with them and if not she was concerned that being alone she'll start abusing alcohol or worse. I know this isn't my problem but it definitely concerns me also.

I am hoping for some kind of chat this week. Her mother and I did agree though that in this episode or crisis, she has made me and our house a trigger. Obviously it's not all down to me, but I think the way things were escalating in this house and with me here just made her make that association which I don't think is helping matters.

I mainly posted this in this forum as I'm trying to reverse the breakup and work out ways to make things better. If after a chat she decides that right now she doesn't want any part of this I think ill start a new thread in one of the other channels. It's just at the moment apart from leaving the engagement ring here, we still lease the house, all her things are here along with her cats. She hasnt made any concrete plans to actually move out even though shes now been away for around 10 days.

[RedBeard93]

Just an update, after not seeing her for almost 2 weeks this Saturday with very limited contact and also after chatting with her mum I thought it would be a good idea to construct a nice message to try and open conversation.

I typed the below our this morning and contemplated sending it all day. To my surprise she messaged first, but only about getting access to our joint mobile app as she had run out of data. I then felt a bit awkward to send a message as I thought she might think I'm just sending something because she messaged me. So I did what I thought was best and admitted that to her and asked if I could send it.

She replied with "I can't promise I'll read it straight away but yeah"

So I sent this message -

Hello, I really hope you're doing okay. It's coming up to two weeks now since I last saw you. I know in the grand scheme of things that may not be much but for a relationship like ours it's a long time. I would really appreciate it if you would come and talk to me this week, do you think you could perhaps be ready for that? You can set a  date and time that's right for you. It doesn't even have to be at the house, I'm sure there's a nice little bench somewhere! Under no means do you have to feel pressured to come with any decisions or clarity but we need to start some kind of dialogue. I've been looking after the cats and the house, working on myself and self reflecting whilst also trying to understand how you must be feeling and what that means for you.

You mean a lot to me, you know that and I know I mean a lot to you. I'm here to listen to you most importantly. I understand you're struggling right now and maybe feeling really empty / numb and I can only imagine how tough and frustrating that must be for you and I really appreciate you taking the time to yourself and to understand if this is what you want.

When I proposed to you we both knew times would get tough, but we also knew 100% we'd be there supporting each other over anything else in the world. Relationships are tough, marriage is tough, but it's our love, determination and resilience that gets us through that intense fear, anxiety and anger. You know my feelings won't change and my wishes for the future won't either and that's why tried to be probably quieter than I ever have before and let you get on with it.

But things will need to start being thought about and sorted and before anything like that happens we need to talk, calmly and together. I just want to listen to you and I want you to be heard and then put across my thoughts also. This is just about us having and starting healthy communication. Please really consider this and let me know, you're the strongest woman I know and I know you can do this. I'm here for you. All my love x

It may have been a bit much but I thought for my own sanity this is what I needed to send. Through her messages she seemed calm and when she first messaged me about the phone app before I could reply she apologized for sounding rude even though I didn't think it was.

Do you think the message was okay? I haven't heard back yet but from the combination of what her mum's being saying to her and that message, I'm hoping I'll get some sort of reply or message of a time we can meet up. If not, I'm not sure what to do.

[Rev]

It may have been a bit much but I thought for my own sanity this is what I needed to send. Through her messages she seemed calm and when she first messaged me about the phone app before I could reply she apologized for sounding rude even though I didn't think it was.

Do you think the message was okay? I haven't heard back yet but from the combination of what her mum's being saying to her and that message, I'm hoping I'll get some sort of reply or message of a time we can meet up. If not, I'm not sure what to do.

So your answer is right there in the first paragraph.  You did what you needed to do in order to feel well.

After that, the key is to gradually get to a solid footing where you continue to respond (not react) in kind, respectful and loving (not needy) ways. The toughest part of this is to live through the silence. You're not talking to someone who processes information the same way as you do - so don't read anything into the silence.

Learn instead to keep your boundaries. Accept behavior from her that respects them. Quietly dismiss (ie - respond, don't react) to behavior that crosses those boundaries.

Have you read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells"?  You can find a free audio version on YouTube.

There's lots of good stuff in there.

Hang in there.

Rev

[RedBeard93]

Hi Rev,

Thanks for your advice. The silence is definitely the hard part! I have got that book actually!

I've got a range of books on BPD and reading through them regularly to get a better understanding.

My main worry at the moment is rent and bills etc. Although my partner hasn't moved any of her things out shes been at her mums down the road for almost 2 weeks this Saturday.

I'm hoping that come payday for her (this Friday) she will contact to ask how much she's putting in our joint account this month (I have a spreadsheet that she can view but always asks me instead). I'm hoping it doesn't turn into an "I haven't been living there" conversation as she is still on the lease and if she doesn't want to contribute ill have to move out.


This is why  I am kind of hoping for some sort of reply from her as id like time to chat about her feelings and thoughts and where she's at right now and from there I'll be able to gauge what's going on. I have my doubts she actually wants to continue not being in this relationship and I think she's more scared at the moment of seeing me. But the longer she stays away the worse that fears going to get.


But thats just my opinion. I want to reverse this breakup as I honestly don't think its what she wants. But then again if she does, then ill accept that. But there definitely needs to be healthy communication between us .

[RedBeard93]

I'm just really struggling with this silence part and not reading too much into it.

She said she'd read the message but can't promise to straight away. But in it, I ask for a chat this week.

There's been hardly any communication unless she needs something.  We haven't talked through anything and she still hasn't made any plans to actually move out.

I just down know what shes actually trying to do. If she really can't face me at the moment why not tell me that. In my message, I tried to put her feelings first and give her options but I'm honestly doubting now whether she will even reply.

Just a bit lost and stuck. It'll be two weeks this Saturday since she took off her engagement ring and two weeks since I last saw her. Surely she cant go on like this?

[Rev]

Just a bit lost and stuck. It'll be two weeks this Saturday since she took off her engagement ring and two weeks since I last saw her. Surely she cant go on like this?

Hmmm... I would say that's a tough one (sorry) - it's just so hard to tell what someone with BPD will do when they cut-off like this. Have you noticed any pattern that is even a little be similar to this?

One thing is for sure - it's not you that she's running from so much as herself and not wanting to face that in the relationship. Typical of pwBPD is ending things before someone else does - even if those fears are not rational.   

My intuition is to say cradle this gently - as in no false moves. Just do what you would normally do - not less and most certainly not more.

Besides BPD, does she leans towards other mental health challenges that might be tipping the balance.

Feels a little bit like you're in a pressure cooker.

Hang in there.

Rev

[RedBeard93]

So Update. After I sent that message yesterday she reached out today asking if I'm free this Sunday at 3 pm.

She said she would come here as she misses the cats. Hopefully maybe misses me and the house as well.

I'm trying not to be too optimistic as she may have figured out that she really doesn't want to be with me. But I'm not going to push the decision agenda on her when we chat. I just want to understand her feelings. If she comes round and comes straight out with a decision then I think it'll hurt the overall conversation going forward but that her choice I cant control that. I do think she may (judging by what I put in my message) immediately come out and say shes still undecided. In which case that's a good starting point.

Safe to say I'm very nervous though.

[Rev]

Safe to say I'm very nervous though.

Keep us posted...   fair to be nervous.  You got this.

Rev

[once removed]

i say this gently, very gently, but to get your attention:

this person is in emotional crisis.

your feelings are heavy for her. too heavy.

a person dealing with an emotional crisis cant face that. it will push them away.

huge disclaimer: this is not a judgment. i have a history of way over pursuing women, of wearing my heart on my sleeve, of neediness when i was shooting myself in the foot.

i can very much relate to how you are feeling, in dealing with all of this, and how you are approaching it. i can also see, a mile away, how it is sabotaging your goal.

a person in emotional crisis needs someone that is a pillar of strength and not moved or swayed by their own, rapidly swaying storm. its a tall order. youre human. but pushing your needs, right now, is not something shes equipped to deal with. thats true when it comes to loving someone with BPD, in general, but its truest of all right now.

the most important thing to do right now, is to read her, and to heed the signals shes sending, and to not act on anxiety. anxiety tends to tell us that we need to do things in order to satiate it. personally, ive never had a good outcome when i did. when those feelings arise, lean on your support group. your loved one is simply not in a place to do that right now.

So Update. After I sent that message yesterday she reached out today asking if I'm free this Sunday at 3 pm.

how did it go?

[RedBeard93]

Hello,

Sorry all for the delayed reply.

Sunday went well, but a little too well in all honesty. We had really good chats regarding our relationship. I was in a calm confident place which shocked her and she became really emotional.

We had a bit to drink we had a laugh and felt like everything was normal for a second. She stayed the night and in the morning although we both struggled she left and we've agreed to meet up next Wednesday again to discuss things further.

Now an update as to why I was so calm. On Saturday I discovered pretty damming evidence that she's been cheating on me even before she left the engagement ring on the kitchen side.

I didn't bring this up as her family is away and I didn't know how she'd react if she knew I knew everything.

I think the pain and self hate that she's done this is the reason the crisis started and also the possibility of hurting me with it is the reason she left. I could be wrong but it seems that way. She was extremely extremely conflicted on Sunday and Monday. She wrong a massive Instagram post thanking me for everything and edited multiple times with weird mixed messages before removing and keeping all our pictures up.

So in short. I think it's over, I think right now she thinks it's over but she hasn't clearly stated to me that it's completely done and dusted. Then there's also the issue of infidelity that we need to address for my own mental health. It's been eating me up now since Saturday and I have to wait for a week this Saturday to confront her as that's when she'll have a support network around.

So all in all. It went well but also still in a kind of limbo state

[Rev]

Hello,

Sorry all for the delayed reply.

Sunday went well, but a little too well in all honesty. We had really good chats regarding our relationship. I was in a calm confident place which shocked her and she became really emotional.

We had a bit to drink we had a laugh and felt like everything was normal for a second. She stayed the night and in the morning although we both struggled she left and we've agreed to meet up next Wednesday again to discuss things further.

Now an update as to why I was so calm. On Saturday I discovered pretty damming evidence that she's been cheating on me even before she left the engagement ring on the kitchen side.

I didn't bring this up as her family is away and I didn't know how she'd react if she knew I knew everything.

I think the pain and self hate that she's done this is the reason the crisis started and also the possibility of hurting me with it is the reason she left. I could be wrong but it seems that way. She was extremely extremely conflicted on Sunday and Monday. She wrong a massive Instagram post thanking me for everything and edited multiple times with weird mixed messages before removing and keeping all our pictures up.

So in short. I think it's over, I think right now she thinks it's over but she hasn't clearly stated to me that it's completely done and dusted. Then there's also the issue of infidelity that we need to address for my own mental health. It's been eating me up now since Saturday and I have to wait for a week this Saturday to confront her as that's when she'll have a support network around.

So all in all. It went well but also still in a kind of limbo state

Proud of you and sorry this is where you find yourself.

Did I mention I was proud of you?

Rev

[RedBeard93]

Thank you so much.

She's still away with her family and not contacted me at all. I noticed she added her ex boyfriend on Instagram but she still hasn't taken all her pictures of us and then engagement down.

Her ex cheated on her so I'm not sure why she's added him. I'm just really really confused everytime I seem to be getting a bit better emotionally something seems to happen to rock me.

I just can't understand why out of everyone the last person she wants to chat to is me after saying all the things about our relationship and me being her best friend.

I haven't contacted her now since last Wednesday and I think she's coming to see me this following Wednesday.

I won't lie. I wanted to marry this person and that hasn't changed for me regardless of everything.

However I do feel like I'm being played with slightly.

I just don't really know what the truth is anymore or what's a lie.

[Rev]

Thank you so much.



 I'm just really really confused everytime I seem to be getting a bit better emotionally something seems to happen to rock me.

 I won't lie. I wanted to marry this person and that hasn't changed for me regardless of everything.

However I do feel like I'm being played with slightly.

I just don't really know what the truth is anymore or what's a lie.

Hey Red,

Hang in there bud. Find some solid ground.  What does your intuition tell you about what you read here from the excerpt of your post.

As you look at this, be kind to yourself...  As you get some distance in all of this, what is your heart telling you about where you need to go to get some solid footing to look at this from your p.o.v.?

Did I mention to be kind to yourself?
Rev

[Njhubby]

A positive that I took from reading about this situation is that she seems to acknowledge that she has a condition that needs working on. I think it’s great she was reading the book on BPD that you had. That can’t be a bad thing. It may take some time for her to work through that but I think it’s a great start, plus the fact that she’s willing to go to therapy.

Hang in there!