How the abandonment fear manifests

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

The abandonment fear runs deep, I have observed few interesting manifestations of it that aren't simply "please don't leave me". I thought these were just quirks but I think there's a little more to it than that. If I'd have known at the time I'd have navigated certain situations differently but I'm certain it'd just manifest in other ways like an infinitely expanding whack a mole. It's sad because I was 100% not going to leave her and did try my hardest to prove that until it got too much.

• Needed back rubbing (every night) until she fell asleep so that she knew I was there
• I woke up before her once to work on some shelves in another room in the apartment. This must've triggered her, I came out of the other room and she was in the kitchen, (she could definitely hear me hammering away and playing music from there) and then was really off with me for a few hours, I had no idea she was awake, she said she didn't know I was in there.
• Pretending to flinch as if I was about to hit her after saying "we can't keep doing this" after an endless argument
• I got complimented by my neighbour for my new sneakers. I told her, so she laughed at them (weird, jealous? idk). I said "things like this make me not want to do nice things for you" in jest. She then ended up sitting in a stairwell with her head between her legs and face in her hands. We had to go home.
• She said something really hurtful to me on a phonecall and I mentioned that it was hurtful, then we ended the call. Then someone buzzed at my apartment, but I couldn't see who it was on the camera. It was her, she said she hid from the camera in case I didn't let her in. She brought a bunch of gifts. It was actually quite nice but felt odd.
• Not allowing me space to think ie. Instantly calling me and texting me when I'd say "I need to think about this for a few minutes".

[IntoTheWind]

The abandonment fear runs deep, I have observed few interesting manifestations of it that aren't simply "please don't leave me". I thought these were just quirks but I think there's a little more to it than that. If I'd have known at the time I'd have navigated certain situations differently but I'm certain it'd just manifest in other ways like an infinitely expanding whack a mole. It's sad because I was 100% not going to leave her and did try my hardest to prove that until it got too much.

• Needed back rubbing (every night) until she fell asleep so that she knew I was there
• I woke up before her once to work on some shelves in another room in the apartment. This must've triggered her, I came out of the other room and she was in the kitchen, (she could definitely hear me hammering away and playing music from there) and then was really off with me for a few hours, I had no idea she was awake, she said she didn't know I was in there.
• Pretending to flinch as if I was about to hit her after saying "we can't keep doing this" after an endless argument
• I got complimented by my neighbour for my new sneakers. I told her, so she laughed at them (weird, jealous? idk). I said "things like this make me not want to do nice things for you" in jest. She then ended up sitting in a stairwell with her head between her legs and face in her hands. We had to go home.
• She said something really hurtful to me on a phonecall and I mentioned that it was hurtful, then we ended the call. Then someone buzzed at my apartment, but I couldn't see who it was on the camera. It was her, she said she hid from the camera in case I didn't let her in. She brought a bunch of gifts. It was actually quite nice but felt odd.
• Not allowing me space to think ie. Instantly calling me and texting me when I'd say "I need to think about this for a few minutes".

[Sappho11]

Great thread idea. The gifts thing...! Same thing here. He'd do or say something hurtful and then turn up with flowers or homemade cake the next day – even when we had successfully resolved the argument.

I have some additions.

• Intense intimacy ALWAYS followed by either a) a HUGE argument or b) suddenly retreating and dropping off the map; often both in rapid succession. (Logic: "I'll leave her before she can leave me.")
• Accompanying me on a run despite my repeated insistence that I wanted to go for a run alone. He didn't even have workout clothes at my place, so he ran in his normal clothes and shoes. I tried to dissuade him and told him he'd look like a stalker chasing a random jogger. This didn't deter him.
• Telling me that he didn't like me seeing my extremely gay (!) best friend on my own, stating: "When you're in a relationship you do everything together, so my future picture is us three always meeting up together."
• Trying to forbid me from any interactions with any men anywhere, be they acquaintances or complete strangers.
• Sobbing and crying on the phone when I once (!) tried to postpone one of our hangout evenings because I needed to sort out some unrelated issues.

Short of the insane jealousy, I actually liked the clinging. I thought it showed he cared. I also liked his sweetness and the torrents of physical affection he'd provide and demand.

The whole thing only came apart when his "retreats" became more frequent and longer than a reasonable person would have been willing to bear. Ironically, he also was virtually never there when I needed him for a change.

[IntoTheWind]

• Accompanying me on a run despite my repeated insistence that I wanted to go for a run alone. He didn't even have workout clothes at my place, so he ran in his normal clothes and shoes. I tried to dissuade him and told him he'd look like a stalker chasing a random jogger. This didn't deter him.

Sappho, this is hilarious.

A few more from me:

• We went to the communal grills at my complex. There was a group of girls by the other grill. Suddenly the food was bad, the steak was cheap etc. and she put "the face" on. She only ate corn and said "it sucked". Evening ruined.
• I did an embarrassing/silly walk whilst holding her hand just to play with her, she did the same to me sometimes. Anyway, there happened to be a bunch of girls over the street this time. Suddenly she said "Those girls over there don't think you're a charming Australian man", I was like "what?" she said "those girls over there you're cheating on me with". 
• A girl in the back of Starbucks drive through window said "hi" to me. She was fuming. "God damnit, I'm right here!".
• We were broken up and I planned a trip to San Francisco. Suddenly her head was spinning and she needed to go to bed.