Back together and facing the same issues as before

[Fulloflove]

Broke up with my BPD partner a few months ago we were separated for a while. We decided to get back together a few months later because he promised he would go and get treatment. Things were going well and then almost instantly things are back to how they used to be. Secrecy, his need for external validation in a way that is disrespectful to our relationship, criticizing me for standing on my morals and values. Reached out to a psychiatrist but he hasn’t made the appointment. Therapist says I need to leave, but I don’t know if I want to.It’s hard to not hope that things can be better after his treatment, but I know it’s silly and almost guarantee disappointment hoping to change him. Lost and confused. Isolated and lonely.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

It’s very difficult for most people with BPD to seek therapy. It means that they have to confront their inner demons and the intense shame and self loathing they feel.

However if they fully commit to therapy, they can make positive changes. What are some of the other problematic dynamics in your relationship?

[once removed]

unfortunately, its a tale as old as time: a romantic couple separates, gets back together (sometimes multiple times) because things are too good to leave, too bad to stay. each time, things are nice, for a bit, and then the same old problems come up that test the relationship again.

the short answer is a question, really. what are the things that are fundamentally broken about the relationship? can they be resolved? if so, how?

when you say external validation and secrecy, is he going outside the relationship?