My daughter wishes she never had children

[Grateful Gram]

Hi, this is my first post.  It’s 4:13 AM and I cannot sleep.  My one and only child (now 40+ yrs old) suffers from BPD, although not diagnosed as such by her physicians.  Her diagnosis has been “a mood disorder” or “Bi-polar”, which has complicated her ability to get the proper treatment for many years.  There is absolutely no doubt whatsoever in my mind that the is classic Borderline.  She checks every box on Borderline criteria.  Thank you all (whom I have yet to meet) for being here in this forum! I feel relief to know there are people who understand the family dynamics and just how difficult it is to have a Borderline child.  Yesterday she told me she regrets having her three kids.  Each one is now living with their respective dads, who are each pretty messed up themselves.  As a result of all the chaos and drama of my daughter and the dads, I no longer have relationships with my grandkids and it breaks my heart.  I could go on and on, but let’s just start with this and go from here!  Thank you for reading and I look forward to meeting you all!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Welcome Grateful Gram!

I'm also glad you found us. I remember when I came here in 2018 I also felt great relief that there is a community of people with similar experiences who I could reach out to for support. There is nothing quite like navigating a relationship with someone with a personality disorder and even well-meaning friends and family often don't know how to help.

I'm so sorry to hear you don't have a relationship with your grandchildren, heartbreaking is the perfect word.

It’s 4:13 AM and I cannot sleep.

You say your daughter told you that she wishes she never had her three children, and I'm guessing that is the reason for your sleeplessness, right? I bet it was so hard to hear that; we love our children and their children so very much.  Can you tell us a little more about that conversation?

Some more questions, so we can get to know you better...

Does your daughter know about BPD and does she agree that she ticks all the boxes?

How is your relationship with her?

Do you have support from family and friends? A therapist of your own? Many of us find working with a therapist who is familiar with BPD to be very helpful.

You may have noticed that the forum will allow you to "go on and on" (the max characters allowed is almost 2k!) so I encourage you to do so. If you look at my post history from when I came here, you'll see I took full advantage of all that space. Somehow, just typing it all out helped me so much. Getting feedback and replies was so such a saving grace.

I look forward to getting to know you, Grateful Gram

~ OH