Don’t know what to do

[Hayjoy]

Anyone in my shoes? Know how to make the crazy stop? My partners ex is hell bent on destroying his life and willing to go to any degree to make that happen. Even her children are dispensable.
He needs support. Their is no more money for lawyers and that got no where. So looking to join a support group that can maybe offer advise. Thank you

[kells76]

That all sounds horribly familiar. I'm sorry you and your partner and the kids are going through this. It can get brutal.

If I had the trick to making the crazy stop, believe me, I'd bottle it and sell it! My husband's kids' mom (undiagnosed, BPD traits) and her current husband (undiagnosed, NPD traits) have been exactly the same since before the divorce 10 years ago. Without inner motivation and choice to change, they don't.

That being said, I've learned and practiced some unintuitive tools and skills I've learned here to minimize the impact of their insanity on my life. Back when my husband and I were newly married, I did let his ex and her husband "rent space in my head" a lot. Maybe you can relate -- the "having arguments with them in my head", the way it ate up so much of my mental energy and waking hours, just the pure frustration and sense of how out of control they were.

It's taken years and yet it is very possible to have a life where their antics create minimal ripples in your life, and you can spend your mental and emotional energy supporting and validating the kids instead of reacting to their mom's craziness.

Totally happy to share more of what we've learned here. Lots of "been there done that" on these boards. Don't hesitate to vent when needed, and also know that we are here to help people grow and learn skills to bring balance, calm, and health to their coparenting lives.

Looking forward to hearing back from you;

kells76