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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Things you can never say to a pwBPD Part 2  (Read 1178 times)
Couper
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« on: July 25, 2021, 01:38:13 PM »

{With a 3rd party present.}

"I apologize for that.  Just ignore her."

« Last Edit: August 20, 2021, 02:38:38 AM by once removed » Logged
Cat Familiar
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« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2021, 02:04:52 PM »

Can you just stop being so unreasonable?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Cat Familiar
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« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2021, 02:06:21 PM »

For once, will you quit projecting your  Cursing - won't cause site restrictions at Starbucks (click to insert in post) on me?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
kells76
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« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2021, 03:38:14 PM »

Actually, you're NOT a logical person, and the more you keep announcing loudly that you ARE, the more I'm convinced you're NOT.
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Notwendy
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« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2021, 07:01:33 PM »

Any statement with the word "you" in it.
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B53
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« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2021, 08:06:58 PM »

Trust is something that is earned
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Couper
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« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2021, 09:56:47 PM »

"Of course I saw your name on the caller i.d.  That's why I didn't answer."
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ThanksForPlaying
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« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2021, 10:14:47 PM »

Do it. Do all these things you're threatening to do and let's see what happens.
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Goosey
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« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2021, 03:16:05 PM »

“You seem to be the common denominator in all these relationship issues , am I right? “
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mdhloveBPD

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« Reply #9 on: August 05, 2021, 10:45:46 PM »

I told him to “grow a pair”….. once…. didn’t go well..
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2021, 10:24:15 AM »

You are an adult.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Marianne-11
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« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2021, 11:04:42 AM »

You are an adult.

Oh, this, tried and tested with zero positive outcomes  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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ILMBPDC
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« Reply #12 on: August 06, 2021, 01:59:48 PM »

"I feel like you're using me."

...and now we are no longer speaking. Apparently my feelings aren't valid or that statement hit a little too close to home
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Carguy
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« Reply #13 on: August 06, 2021, 11:17:12 PM »

So the WHOLE world is out to get you?

So it's ALWAYS everyone else's fault?

Wow! I can't believe how perfect you are being able to claim you don't do anything wrong!

You know, you might actually have or keep a friend if you actually treated them decent. Maybe even keep a romantic interest around!

Or pretty much say or do the things she has to me during those moments. She would go nuclear and I'd be the worst person ever.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2021, 11:22:27 PM by Carguy » Logged
B53
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« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2021, 03:46:07 PM »

You have that down to an art form

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Notwendy
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« Reply #15 on: August 07, 2021, 05:05:14 PM »

pwBPD "Do you want these ? (things she owns) as I might give them away if you don't"

"No thank you, go ahead and do what you want with them" ( as an expression, not a command)

pwBPD in angry tone: " How DARE you tell me what to do with my belongings! These are MINE and I will do whatever I want with them".


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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2021, 11:59:45 AM »

They can whatever you, but should you whatever them…
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Couper
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« Reply #17 on: August 08, 2021, 01:37:34 PM »

Similar to Notwendy's:

She’s going out of town and is asking what I want her to leave out that I can eat.

pwBPD:  I can make some fresh pasta and you can use up this meat sauce while I’m gone.  Do you want that?

me:  Yes, that will work, I’ll eat that.

pwBPD:  Or do you want me to freeze it if you don’t like it?

me:  Okay, freeze it.

pwBPD:  Then what are you supposed to eat?

me:  I’ll take care of myself.

pwBPD:  Exasperated. 

It's like a flowchart.  Experience has shown there was no right way to answer it.  If I had said no right off the bat she would have torn into me for never liking her cooking.  If I had insisted on wanting it, I would have heard how she doesn't have time for that and I'm always making her do the work.  At the end I should have said "Okay, I'll take the meat sauce" to see how many times things would go 360! 
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #18 on: August 11, 2021, 01:50:18 PM »

My BPD husband does not like to take advice from me, even on things where I have expertise, and he does not.

“Let me show you the *right* way to do that.”

Guaranteed to set off a bomb!
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
EyesUp
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« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2021, 11:35:31 AM »

I once told my my uBPD wife that the real reason she went way overboard on gifts for the kids was because the gifts were really for herself...   boom!
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pursuingJoy
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« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2021, 11:48:01 AM »

Sorry, I’m fresh out of emotional bubble wrap for you. Shall I pick up more at the store when I go?

literally Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)'d at this one Ozzie Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
Lifehasitsups

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« Reply #21 on: August 15, 2021, 08:49:30 PM »

Thank you everyone for the amazing posts. It’s a relief to know I am not the only one. So many great lines here.

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At Bay
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« Reply #22 on: August 18, 2021, 07:24:08 AM »

Why don't you see if you can find some principles to live by.
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« Reply #23 on: August 18, 2021, 08:20:54 AM »

When what you say is never enough...

“I love you, dear.”
“Is that you talking, or is it the martini?”
“It’s me talking to the martini.”
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EyesUp
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« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2021, 09:10:11 AM »

"It's interesting that someone who is hyper sensitive to criticism can be so overtly critical"
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2021, 11:02:55 AM »

Have you ever thought of examining your own behavior?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
once removed
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« Reply #26 on: August 20, 2021, 02:34:31 AM »

"its over"

"thank god"
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Ventak
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To find out what I want, I look at what I do.


« Reply #27 on: August 20, 2021, 11:17:59 AM »

When you are pushing our son and I into the wall and threatening to hit me with a broom, and then I push you away, your bruises are not evidence of me being an abuser.
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At Bay
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« Reply #28 on: August 20, 2021, 02:36:08 PM »

Why am I still here?
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #29 on: August 20, 2021, 02:52:51 PM »

The world isn’t going to end because I’m five minutes late taking you to your appointment.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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