My ex-long distance BF with un-diagnosed BPD

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My ex-long distance BF with un-diagnosed BPD continues to try to contact me even though I went NC, but then I broke NC and tried to be just friends, but I just recently had to go full NC forever because he told me he wanted things to work out between out us and when I made an effort to text him one day, he ignored my text for like 24 hours and that set me off. The reason it set me off was because only he had been texting me because I told him I did not want to text him because of how he hurt me in the past. He had mentioned to me previously that I was not making an effort and reaching out to him and so the first time I do, he ignores my text. :|

So, I decided to block him on all social media. I'm sick of the games. He tells me he has a "friend" that is a girl that he "can't get rid of" who is strung out on cocaine, yet he's been doing it with her as well. He says they are just good friends, like brother and sister, he even called me and got her on the phone to tell me that but I didn't want to hear about all that because deep down I still have feelings for him. He lives in Ireland and I live in the USA. I made the leap and traveled to meet him and stayed with him for a wonderful week back in January of 2020, right before the pandemic.

When I returned back home to the USA, he broke up with me a week later stating that he could not handle the long distance. I did not know anything about him having BPD at the time. I did not find that out until months and months of cycling  and re-cycling from him afterwards  which traumatized me. I finally had to go NC.

Do you think I am being petty for blocking him and going NC forever ? I did this for my mental health. I cannot take anymore of his hot and cold episodes and his ghosting and ignoring me. Even as a so called friend I do not think it is right. So, for my sanity's sake, I am erasing him from my life once and for all.

Thank you for listening.

Beanz

[Beanz]

My ex-long distance BF with un-diagnosed BPD continues to try to contact me even though I went NC, but then I broke NC and tried to be just friends, but I just recently had to go full NC forever because he told me he wanted things to work out between out us and when I made an effort to text him one day, he ignored my text for like 24 hours and that set me off. The reason it set me off was because only he had been texting me because I told him I did not want to text him because of how he hurt me in the past. He had mentioned to me previously that I was not making an effort and reaching out to him and so the first time I do, he ignores my text. :|

So, I decided to block him on all social media. I'm sick of the games. He tells me he has a "friend" that is a girl that he "can't get rid of" who is strung out on cocaine, yet he's been doing it with her as well. He says they are just good friends, like brother and sister, he even called me and got her on the phone to tell me that but I didn't want to hear about all that because deep down I still have feelings for him. He lives in Ireland and I live in the USA. I made the leap and traveled to meet him and stayed with him for a wonderful week back in January of 2020, right before the pandemic.

When I returned back home to the USA, he broke up with me a week later stating that he could not handle the long distance. I did not know anything about him having BPD at the time. I did not find that out until months and months of cycling  and re-cycling from him afterwards  which traumatized me. I finally had to go NC.

Do you think I am being petty for blocking him and going NC forever ? I did this for my mental health. I cannot take anymore of his hot and cold episodes and his ghosting and ignoring me. Even as a so called friend I do not think it is right. So, for my sanity's sake, I am erasing him from my life once and for all.

Thank you for listening.

Beanz

[marv1995]

Hi Beanz! No, you are not petty at all. My ex also broke up with me many times and then recycled me. 9 times in a year and a half. For the first year he was literally my upstairs neighbor and for the last 6 months we were 3 1/2 hours apart. I've gone NC with mine as well, it will be 3 weeks on Sunday. He's blocked on all social media, but I haven't been able to block his number yet, although neither of us have tried reaching out.

[Beanz]

Thanks Marv.

It is unfortunate that it has to be this way, but for the sake of my own sanity I had to let him go.
I still love him and hope the best for him. It is all I can do. The rest is on him. I am not perfect nor was I perfect in some things that I said to him, but he knows what he did and how he broke my heart and traumatized me, but it doesn't seem to sink in with him. He thinks we can just forget the past and move on, yet he cycles back and does it all over again, then comes back around again and ignores/ghosts me again and again!

It is my fault for falling for it and thinking I could actually be THE ONE. What a fool I was! It is a vicious cycle and very abusive and I've told him this, but all he says is that he is sorry and will try better and expects me to continue to forget the abuse over and over again! He is totally dis-regulated (as those w/BPD are).
There is no trying anymore. Only actions!