Need Advice

[Rakastellar]

Hi,

I suffer from BDP and I need help. I realise that I've ruined the love of my life beyond repair. I broke him completely and today I finally woke up to this. I am full of regrets, I am genuinely sorry and I could not come up with a solution to the problem, so I blocked his number.

Not because I hate him, but at the contrary because I think it's best for him to not have me in his life, so he can heal and find somebody else. I really love him and want to be with him, but I realise am not good for him.

I am selfish for wanting to stay together/getting back together, and I don't deserve him. I just don't know if I'll ever change and if loving someone is enough. But I am human and miss him, especially because we've been dating for two years.

The last time we spoke was very amicable, he made me a coffee, I brought him some groceries so he had something to eat, it was very polite (maybe too polite). We cuddled all night and watched funny YouTube videos.

I wonder if I should leave him alone, just without saying anything anymore, and he'll never be none the wiser as to why I just stopped talking to him after two years. Maybe it is better for him to assume I am a heartless, cold-hearted person, so it'll be easier for him to move on.

I would appreciate any non-judgemental advice that is honest. (Even if you are judgemental, maybe I deserve it. I've read many posts on how people like me have hurt others, and I recognise myself in the description.) Should I leave him alone? Should I unblock him to give him a final explanation? Should I talk to him in person about it? Should I try and get back together (but how do I make sure I don't hurt him?)

Note: there was never any physical violence involved in our relationship, I don't drink or do drugs, and while there was name-calling, I remember it being five times in two years, not consistently.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hello Rakastellar,

I not sure anyone should tell you exactly what do do in this situation, but it's good that you are reaching out for support to talk it out.

This site, however, is tailored to those seeking to learn to improve relationships with loved ones with BPD, or to detach from failed relationships. As such, many of the conversations her may be triggering, and the tools aren't tailored to help people with BPD.

I suggest exploring further here for support: Resources for BPD Sufferers

I wish you well on your journey.

Take care,

Turkish