Teenager with BPD and school

[Trying2Survive]

Hi all,

The immense amount of validation from reading and interacting is so wonderful.  Thank you all so much already for all the support.

My 17yr old daughter (diagnosed last year) is in grade 12.  Obviously covid has made school tough for many kids even without an actual disorder. 

My dd hardly went to class for grade 11.  School for her was 3 day onsite and 2 days online.  If it wasn't for the fact that she is loved by almost everyone who meets her, there is no way she would have passed. (the teachers really kept on her, gave her extensions and extra work to bring her grades up). Alas, she passed most of her classes.

This year, she has exactly the amount of classes as credits needed to graduate.  Misses more class than she attend at this point.

I am so stressed about her not graduating and honestly I dont see how she will with the amount missed classes. (we are only two months in).  She also has multiple spares during the day so its not a very tough schedule in comparison to most.  Which is so frustrating.

She obviously gets very angry when I try to talk with her about it.  She will insist its 'too hard' to go to all the classes. Ive tried to tell her that Im scared for her.  If this is too hard, then what will she think when she is out in the world looking or work without her high school diploma.  Talk about hard!

Help.  I know I have to let go, but I dont know how to step back.

xx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

I sympathise with you completely. It is so stressful!

My BPD dd went through same thing when in teen years, and now gd - nearly 12 - is missing so much school. I just don't know what to do! We went from hardly missing a day, to day upon day of staying home.

Years ago I read a book 'Biological unhappiness' by a GP who had many BPD patients and he claimed many had thyroid problems.

Every morning I can see gd is not completely okay - low grade sore throat, stuffed up nose, and the asthma attacks have been increasing and she is worried about getting them at school. But I think she should be able to deal with these things and get out of bed and go - but no.

I wish I could be more helpful. I too understand that I need to let go, but it is so hard especially at critical points of their young lives.

I would like gd to join up with some group or other - sporting or some other interest, but she seems to have such low energy that is not possible.

Does your dd have usual energy levels etc? Does she spend her time doing other things rather than going to class?

Sorry I am not able to offer anything  - other than understanding.