van32
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 2
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« on: November 10, 2021, 11:29:41 AM » |
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Hey!
Over the years I have found many posts here when googling issues with my wife, but this is the first time I have registered to write my own.
I have been with my wife for 9 years, married for 4 of them.
The last year has been terrible, a big split earlier in the year where she honestly seemed like she absolutely despised me. She kept bringing up every little thing I had ever done wrong over the last 9 years, it was like everything was unpacked in one go. I also found out (she admitted it, surprisingly) that during this split she was flirting with a man online. I honestly do not know the extent of it, but we are a married lesbian couple in our 20's. This guy was mid fourites..a man firstly...and older. so it blew my mind. Everything was awful for maybe two months. Then somehow one day she just seemed herself again, and told me she loved me and was happy. Now this, was after weeks of 'i'm going to divorce you, i'm not happy with you anymore, i deserve better..etc' and then suddenly like a switch she was saying the opposite. I don't know what prompted the change, for her to stop splitting, but in all honesty I was just relieved it was over...or so I thought.
4 months go by, and everything is wonderful, probably better than ever. I improved where I could to offer her more support/ validation, and she was warm and loving again. Then out of the blue, one day i noticed a sudden shift again. Genuinely I cannot pin point anything, even tiny that caused it.
I was at work, the morning together was nice, and I noticed throughout the day she text less than usual etc, but didn't think too much of it. I got home that evening and could tell she felt so cold again, and the anxiety in me shot up, so worried she was going to split on me again. sure enough she did. Progressively over the last two / three months it built and built and then two weeks ago, she said she was going home to her parents for some space. She lives in another country, and flew home. She has been texting me word for word the same lines as she did earlier in the year when she split on me. I assume she probably would have gone home at the time if she could in hindsight but due to COVID restrictions couldnt.
This time feels worse, with the physical distance.
I didnt text her last week one day, just as I felt so drained, have never done that before in our whole relationship, always spoken every single day. i just felt low, and tired myself, I didnt speak to anyone that day. But i think i solidified the split - by ignoring her that day. She text me a couple of times and i didnt reply until the following morning. Since then she has completely ignored me, apart from a flurry of divorce texts / how she hates me/ how she will not come home and never wants to talk to me again.
I dont know what to do. I stupidly begged at first, apologised, tried to explain why i didnt text her that day. Nothing. All she has done is a few days ago unblock me on facebook (she blocked me the day ignored her) and liked an old photo of us together. This really hurt actually, getting the notifcation and seeing the memory of us together. why would she do this? Ignore my messages but days later just like an old photo of a romantic nice memory of us?
I messaged her on the weekend, and said i loved her, and would be here waiting for her when she is ready to talk. Decided i wouldnt message anymore after this and wait for her.
I pray she comes back, but i'm so anxious and lost that this time might be final.
Can anyone offer any advice/ similar experiences?
Do you think my ignoring her one day made the split even worse?
Do I reach out to reassure her anymore, or give her space?
God, i'm lost. I have no idea what the best thing to do is, and it's hurting everyday.
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